Toolin' up for Palace, know what I mean?

[W.C.]

Don't call me a joke son. I once won 27 games of rock/paper/scissors on the trot, and have a black belt (eighth dan) in Chinese Burns. Savvy?

Impressive, I agree.

I'm not bad at Kerplunk but those stats really put it all in perspective.

 

[PWA]

'Oh Lord PC Beard, PC Beard M'Laud'

 

[London Pompous]

Palace have had the occasional victory, but often they have been all mouth and trousers.

Before the McShane 1-0 match they had challenged us to a game of QI, and we were fearful when a new geezer, nicknamed 'The Owl' turned up for them. We initially thought that the name was due to him being wise, but it turned out that he had a diet of voles and mice (which are considered a delicacy in Thornton Heath to be fair).

 

[Randsta]

Pissed my self laughing

 

[KZNSeagull]

I am amazed that you have not taken them on at the ultimate hard man's game....Buckeroo.

 

[Buzzer]

Shakin Stevens when he made his debut appearance on Top of The Pops with Green Door in 1974 (still have a mint copy of that on 7 inch vinyl myself, keeping it as my pension payout when I retire, or when The Antiques Roadshow comes to Hangleton)

I can't vouch for the veracity of the rest of the claims made by the OP but Shakin' Stevens first appearance on TOTP was in 1981 with "This Ol' House". And current price on Discogs for a near mint copy of Green Door on vinyl is 87p plus shipping so I smell a rat.

 

[stss30]

Nige called first, and we facked up, it was Impressions, and I had been worried about this for some time, Size 5's Norman Wisdom lacked gravitas, Big Vern's Frank Spencer had too many 'ooh Betty's, and even my Alan Whicker was missing it's usual metronomic timimg. The judges awarded the round to Palace, and fair play, one of their lads did a Larry Grayson so accurately that even I was half expecting Slack Alice to put in an appearance.

I lost it after this, hilarious

 

[Lady Whistledown]

I am amazed that you have not taken them on at the ultimate hard man's game....Buckeroo.

I'm utterly disconsolate that they never brought out the Hungry Hungry Hippos. Football's gone SOFT.

 

[Trufflehound]

I can't vouch for the veracity of the rest of the claims made by the OP but Shakin' Stevens first appearance on TOTP was in 1981 with "This Ol' House". And current price on Discogs for a near mint copy of Green Door on vinyl is 87p plus shipping so I smell a rat.

Whilst you are right about Green Door coming later on (1981), I think you'll find Shakey's TOTP debut was actually a year earlier than that - with Hot Dog in 1980. In fact, this may be it:

[yt]6L-m9eHw8AA[/yt]




People really need to bone up more on their Guinness Book of British Hit Singles, or else there'll be no repeat of last year's victory in the Name That Tune round.

 

[Lady Whistledown]

Whilst you are right about Green Door coming later on (1981), I think you'll find Shakey's TOTP debut was actually a year earlier than that - with Hot Dog in 1980. In fact, this may be it:

[yt]6L-m9eHw8AA[/yt]





People really need to bone up more on their Guinness Book of British Hit Singles, or else there'll be no repeat of last year's victory in the Name That Tune round.

But what about Merry Christmas Everyone?

 

[sydney]

I'm utterly disconsolate that they never brought out the Hungry Hungry Hippos. Football's gone SOFT.

me an'my boys got done in good an pwopper in 79........we turned up expectin' mousetrap but the caaaants insisted on snakes an laaaders........caaawnidge inssued and me an'barney went ome in a faakin aarmbulance.....pwoppa ,pwoppa wongaans.

 

[Trufflehound]

But what about Merry Christmas Everyone?

Merry Christmas Everyone only feels like it's been around since 1974. Actually it was 1985.

 

[Buzzer]

Whilst you are right about Green Door coming later on (1981), I think you'll find Shakey's TOTP debut was actually a year earlier than that - with Hot Dog in 1980. In fact, this may be it:

People really need to bone up more on their Guinness Book of British Hit Singles, or else there'll be no repeat of last year's victory in the Name That Tune round.

Quite right. Hoisted by my own petard. I still have my doubts about whether the OP is genuine though.

 

[Lady Whistledown]

Merry Christmas Everyone only feels like it's been around since 1974. Actually it was 1985.

You're not wrong, although that may be down to crappy Heart FM having been playing it every day since about the 15th November

 

[Lord Bracknell]

But what about Merry Christmas Everyone?

Is this some sort of coded message to the Met?

 

[Lady Whistledown]

Is this some sort of coded message to the Met?

Don't be STUPID.

Even your types must know they use Johnny Mathis. If you hear any of them covertly radioing the words "And the walls of doubt, crumbled, tossed and torn", you'll know it's going DOWN, proper style.

 

[Sergei's Celebration]

Don't be STUPID.

Even your types must know they use Johnny Mathis. If you hear any of them covertly radioing the words "And the walls of doubt, crumbled, tossed and torn", you'll know it's going DOWN, proper style.

'Too Much, Too little, Too late' is actually code used by the Security Service, that indicates they have successfully fully penetrated the ring of Russian Ludo players.

 

[El Presidente]

I am amazed that you have not taken them on at the ultimate hard man's game....Buckeroo.

I do believe that London Pompous did mention Buckaroo in the following post from about 18 months ago

You kids are all mouth and no trousers. Back in the day when there were only three TV channels all we had on a Saturday night was a choice between Blankety Blank, The Generation Game, Celebrity Shit in a Bucket and Game for a Laugh, it’s no wonder we turned to a bit of bifters before, during and after a match with those choices.

I remember in 1981 when we were due to play Palace at their gaff. It looked as if both teams were goin’ dahn from the top division, so we decided to have a final division one rumble. In those days there were no mobile phones, so we had to communicate via postcard, although Pete Longpockets and Squinty Joe (one of their top boys) from Palace had each other’s parole officers phone numbers. Pete and Joe had agreed how it was going to be decided, the weapons to be used on the day, and we were raring for action.

This was because both shared a cell after a joint shoplifting raid whilst on England duty (God Bless the Queen Mum) when Ron Greenwood’s boys turned over Luxembourg in 1979, but they were both caught with packs of Haribo down their Y-Fronts and were locked up for 14 days.

We knew we were going to be outnumbered going to Croydon, and in enemy territory. We decided to not wear the classy purple and pink Tacchini knockoff shellsuits we had bought from the Racecourse market, but instead went disguised as Palace fans, in Brutus Gold flares, cheesecloth shirts and Bay City Roller fanclub scarves wrapped round our wrists (Palace were always a bit behind the times, we were into proper music, such as Showaddywaddy and Boney M).

We knew that the Palace high command boozer was The Rectal Prolapse in Norbury High Street. Big Vern, Longpockets, Scratchcard, Uncle Morty and me loaded up the motor, we put the tools in the boot and stuck Guppy on the dashboard as a good luck charm. Diamond Dave was going to come too, but his mum insisted he do the washing up, otherwise it would have just like the Magnificent Seven, except with a 1974 Allegro instead of horses………….and big hats………and guns.

We drove up the A23 and M23, then into their territory, the dual carriageway turned to cobbled roads and then a dirt track as we got closer to Selhurst. We were looking out for ambushes, but the disguises worked, even when we needed supplies, and Scratchcard popped into one of their off licences, for half a dozen packets of pickled onion Monster Munch and a BIG bottle of Tizer, which we mixed with sherbert fountains to get the adrenaline flowing before the action started.

We parked around the corner from the Prolapse, still hadn’t been spotted, took out the tools, and went straight to the door. Palace hadn’t expected such balls from us, and were gobsmacked when we marched straight through to their main table, where their high command were in talks.

“We’re Brighton, and we’re here to teach you a lesson” I said. Jimmy The Poostripe, the Palace number 2, was the first to react. “What you cannt’s gonna do then”, he sneered. Respect to him, he didn’t move from his game of Asteroids, and it looked a half decent score to be honest.

“We’ve got the gear, it’s time to go toe to toe, our best pair against yours” , I said. “Awright you fuckin’ wankers, we’ll paste you and you’ll be home with mummy in an hour” he replied, “some of my boys have been in training for this for months, you don’t stand a chance. We’ll even give you first choice of tools”.

You could have cut the silence with a plastic knife from the Little Chef. Even the publican stopped cleaning the glasses with his spit as our first team of Big Vern and Morty sat down opposite Sicknote and Dodgy Dave, a Palace pair who had a big rep in the In The Know circles.

“Let’s see what you’ve got then” said Dave, “Get the drinks in first before we get stuck in”. A hush took over the pub as a barmaid brought four Diet Irn Bru shots to the table, the lads knocked them back as if they were soft drinks, and sat facing each other, unblinking, glaring, sizing each other up. The Rumble in the Jungle between Ali and Foreman had nothing on this.

Longpockets opened up our sack of tools, and brought out Cluedo. There was a gasp in the audience, they’d been expecting us to lead with Mousetrap, and were clearly wrongfooted. Half an hour later, Uncle Morty sat victorious, having identified Professor Plum, in the outside toilet (we’d even gone to the trouble of buying the Croydon version of Cluedo) and the iron pipe. Palace were one down and they knew it.

It was over to them. Respect to their boys, they brought out the big guns next, but we were whipping their arses until Big Vern landed on Trafalgar Square with four houses and we blew out. One-one, it was down to the final scrap.

After a quick rock, paper, scissors between the two top boys it was Palace’s choice. Beads of sweat formed as we didn’t know what they would bring out, Palace looked confident as their colonel, Johnny Threeinches, revealed Buckaroo.

We knew we were up against it as he had twice been European champion, and had even appeared with Norris McWhirter on Record Breakers after beating the Belgian World Champion, Pierre Quierre, in a blind face-off in 1979.

What happened next? You want the details, too terrifying for you squeamish scarfers I’m afraid. You had to have been there, those in the know know, suffice to say that Scratchcard’s name became legend that day, and even Palace know that no one messes with HACC.

God Bless the Queen Mum.

https://nortr3nixy.nimpr.uk/showthread.php?201546-Plenty-of-tasty-TEAR-UPS-in-store-next-season/page8&highlight=buckaroo

 

[PsychoPaul]

But what about Merry Christmas Everyone?

Lone Star Trio- Hot Dog - YouTube is a better version of this song

 

[SeagullinExile]

'Oh Lord PC Beard, PC Beard M'Laud'

He tugged me down at Pompey... in another life, many moons ago. And no, it didn't involve the use of baby oil or margarine before anybody goes there.