Those serious-faced runs by losing goalscorers

[Man of Harveys]

...I've been thinking that they need a name; I'm a big fan of them. The one where they frantically grab the ball and run earnest-faced back to the centre circle, ignoring delirious celebrating team mates - they're often punctuated by a "don't even THINK of stopping me now" GOB in the penalty area as the runner sets off.

Whichever term you use ("the run of the self-righteous"?), it can be preceeded by an "uber-" if there's one of those little handbags between scorer and keeper over the ball immediately beforehand.

These runs need a TERM, damn it.

 

[Mellotron]

Not wrong. There's always a bizarre cinematic quality to the determination on their face, as if it's all part of something much bigger.

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

How about The Goaldown Retrievers?

 

[The Large One]

The goal: Goal-noir

The run: It's not dissimilar to the times when a player, when he has a free-kick or throw-in against him, will pick up the ball, run back past the place where said free-kick is being taken, then proceed to drop the ball 10 yards from where it needs to be.

Me and a couple of chaps already have a name for that - it's called the 'Tony Galvin'.

 

[bhafc99]

I particularly like the way it often involves barging the opposition goalkeeper/defender out the way to get to the ball.

Don't think I can top The Goaldown Retriever though - quality!

 

[Easy 10]

Good thread.
I also like the way they usually SLAM the ball down dramatically on the centre spot and hurry back to position in preperation for kickoff, then turn to their team mates giving a handclap and clenched fist "COME ON" kind of way.

 

[Man of Harveys]

I particularly like the way it often involves barging the opposition goalkeeper/defender out the way to get to the ball.

Yes - either barging them down or sometimes even carving out particularly intricate slalom courses through the penalty area - that's one for the real aficionados. I'm relieved it's not just me.

 

[Simster]

Good thread.
I also like the way they usually SLAM the ball down dramatically on the centre spot and hurry back to position in preperation for kickoff, then turn to their team mates giving a handclap and clenched fist "COME ON" kind of way.

This always amuses me. Especially as having presumably played the game for decades, you'd have thought they would realise the game can't actually begin until BOTH teams are ready, and since the opposition is invariably dawdling along in an effort to preserve their slender lead, such preparation is usually pointless.

 

[Trufflehound]

If there's something nerve-wracking at stake, like relegation or elimination from a cup, then it might be the Skidmark Scuttle.

 

[Easy 10]

How about The Goaldown Retrievers?

That is actually genius. Good work.

 

[Man of Harveys]

I'm now trying to think of notable "goaldown retrievers" - brilliant term. Bryan Robson seems to be spring to mind but I think either very TALL or very SHORT players do them more.

Imagine if we're winning 4-0 on Saturday and Stockport do a good one in the 93rd minute: tombstone-features sets off, shrugging off various frenzied St Vitus Dancing mentalist team mates, slams it down like a blacksmith in a bad mood and the ref promptly blows up. I could DIE happy.

 

[Gritt23]

I particularly like the way it often involves barging the opposition goalkeeper/defender out the way to get to the ball.

That is my favourite part of it.

I love the way the keeper feels entitled, to the point of fighting, to as much time-wasting as he can get away with. Basically, in his mind, the ball is in HIS net, therefore it's his property, and treats the "goaldown retriever" (even trying to top that is to show a lack of respect for the genius) as some sort of petty thief.

 

[The Large One]

That is my favourite part of it.

I love the way the keeper feels entitled, to the point of fighting, to as much time-wasting as he can get away with. Basically, in his mind, the ball is in HIS net, therefore it's his property, and treats the "goaldown retriever" (even trying to top that is to show a lack of respect for the genius) as some sort of petty thief.

Don't laugh but FIFA were considering making the retrieval of the ball by anyone other than the goalie a yellow card offence.

 

[Easy 10]

I would say 9 times out of 10, the Goaldown Retriever is also the goalscorer, even if he has to run 25 yards to fetch the thing.

A CONFIDENT Goaldown Retriever would actually run along pursuing his own shot in order to get the ball back that bit more quickly.

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

I would say 9 times out of 10, the Goaldown Retriever is also the goalscorer.
Even if he has to run 25 yards to fetch the thing.

A CONFIDENT Goaldown Retriever would actually run along pursuing his own shot in order to get the ball back that bit more quickly.

Ronaldo does a nice line in this.

 

[Man of Harveys]

I would say 9 times out of 10, the Goaldown Retriever is also the goalscorer, even if he has to run 25 yards to fetch the thing.

I would say it's 10 out of 10 - any other player even THINKING of grabbing the ball before the goaldown retriever gets there would risk being PUMMELLED by him while he's "in the zone". It's at best ill-advised, like disturbing a notably-unstable sleepwalker.

 

[Garage_Doors]

Nice one THPP, thing this competition is over before it got started.

 

[Storer68]

And I always enjoy and admire the single-minded manner in which they REFUSE to join in with any congratulatory teammate, handing them off like international rugby players spotting a gap, almost to the poiint of telling them to Feck off and get back to the halfway line

 

[Lady Whistledown]

For some reason I can't help thinking of Tommy Fraser and Jake Robinson when reading this thread.

They must have both come up with utterly futile 94th minute two-inch tap ins at some point, inevitably after a substitute appearance.

 

[Mellotron]

How about The Goaldown Retrievers?

I've got to say, we've had our differences (Glenn Murray)...but that is stunning.

Take a bow.