There once was a ref called prosser... (Limerick thread)

[¡Cereal Killer!]

There once was a ref called prosser
Who was a terrible tosser
players sent off
We threw in the cloth
and everyone was much crosser


There was an old lady from Wheeling
who had a funny feeling
she laid on her back
and tickled her crack
and pissed all over the ceiling


There once was a man from Monclair
Who f***ed his wife on the stair
the banister broke
which quickened his stroke
and finished her of in the air


post all good limericks here!

 

[sydney]

a daring young chap from australia
once painted his cock like a dahlia
but whilst out in the gardon
he was struck down by a hard on
which turned his day into a failure

there was an old whore from berlin
who had a gigantic quim
it wasn't the size that atracted the flies
but the jelly that hung from the rim

 

[mindyjaja]

There was a young lady from stroud,
Who got fcuked by a bloke in a crowd,
The man in front said "I smell !!!!",
Just like that, not too loud.

There was a young man from Aberystwyth,
And tales of the girl he played whist with,
Whilst under the table, she was willing and able,
She tickled the thing that he pissed with.

There was a young lady from Devizes,
Whose tits were two different sizes,
Whilst one was small and no good at all,
The other now that had won prizes.


I thank you

 

[jevs]

a daring young chap from australia
once painted his cock like a dahlia
but whilst out in the gardon
he was struck down by a hard on
which turned his day into a failure

Errrrm, aren't limericks supposed to have 5 lines to the verse

 

[Berk (of 'Trapdoor' fame)]

There once was a bloke called Dave,
Who dug up a whore from a grave,
She was rotting like shit,
And had only one tit,
But think of the money he saved!

 

[Kinky Gerbil]

There was a man from millwall
He really was quite absymal
he turns like a truck
and cant shoot for f***
Mark Mccammon really is gash

 

[the wanderbus]

there was a young man from torbay
who made a fanny from clay
the heat of his prick
turned it to brick
and chaffed all his foreskin away


there was a young lady from leeds
who swallowed a packet of seeds
in less than 1 hour
her tits were in flower
and her arse was covered in weeds

 

[Berk (of 'Trapdoor' fame)]

There was a man from millwall
He really was quite absymal
he turns like a truck
and cant shoot for f***
Mark Mccammon really is gash

There was a guy called 'Big Mac'
Who received a load of flack
He looked like Lemaar
We bought him from Spar
It's like having Glenn Thomas Back

 

[Hampden Park]

a daring young chap from australia
once painted his cock like a dahlia
but whilst out in the gardon
he was struck down by a hard on
which turned his day into a failure

on a simular note
there was a young man from australia
who painted his bum like a dahlia
penny a look
was all he took
cause tuppence a smell was a failure

there was young lady from ealing
who had a peculiar feeling
she laid on her back
opened her crack
and pissed all over the ceiling

 

[Everest]

There was a young lady from stroud,
Who got fcuked by a bloke in a crowd,
The man in front said "I smell !!!!",
Just like that, not too loud.

Not quite got the hang of it, have you?

 

[Screaming J]

There was a young man from Aberystwyth,
And tales of the girl he played whist with,
Whilst under the table, she was willing and able,
She tickled the thing that he pissed with.

I always preferred:-

The was a young girl from Aberystwyth
Who took corn to the mill to get grist with
The millers son, Jack
laid her flat on her back
and they united the organs they pissed with.

 

[Schrödinger's Toad]

There once was a player called Oatway,
He was pants.

 

[Kinky Gerbil]

There was a player called oatway
he did like to munch on have
his passing was wonkey
because he was a donkey
and his lack of skill did dismay

 

[Shropshire Seagull]

Spooky how there are a few that are almost similar; e.g. this is how I've heard them:

There once was a young man from Australia
who painted his arse like a dahlia
a penny a smell
was all very well
but tuppence a lick was a failure

The once were two school-kids from Aberystwyth
Who made love with the lips that they kissed with
but as they grew older
they also grew bolder
making love with the things that they pissed with.

There was a young woman from Devizes,
Who had tits of two different sizes,
One was so small
it was no use at all,
The other was huge and won prizes.

 

[Kaney]

Read on

 

[Kaney]

there once was a striker called knight,
some said he was the size of a pint,
when through one on one,
he threatened the crowd,
then played hurt on the floor in the goalmouth.

 

[Tooting Gull]

There once was a chairman called Knight,
Who valiantly took up the fight,
Prescott's a tosser,
And so is Prosser,
NIMBYS - aaaaagh, you're shite.

 

[Trufflehound]

There was a young man from Brighton
Who wrote limericks that didn't rhyme
And didn't scan or have enough lines
And weren't very funny either

 

[sydney]

there was an old !!!! from madras
whos bollocks were coated with brass
in windy weather
they banged together
and sparks shot out of his arse.....

mary had a bicycle
she rode it back to front
and every time the wheels went round
a spoke would slap her prosser.....

 

[sydney]

there was an old !!!! from madras
whos bollocks were coated with brass
in windy weather
they banged together
and sparks shot out of his arse.....

mary had a bicycle
she rode it back to front
and every time the wheels went round
a spoke would slap her prosser.....