Trufflehound
Re-enfranchised
Celine Dion walks into a bar.
The barman says: "Why the long face?"
The barman says: "Why the long face?"
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Terrible jokes here please.
- Thread starter Brightonfan1983
- Start date
Trufflehound
Re-enfranchised
A white horse walks into a bar and orders a pint of beer. The barman hands it to him and says: "That'll be £10 please."
As the horse pays up the barman says to him: "We don't get many white horses coming in here, you know."
The white horse replies: "At £10 a pint, I'm not f***ing surprised."
The barman ignores him and goes on: "You know, you're kind of famous round here. Tell you what, we've even got a whisky named after you."
The white horse just looks surprised, and goes: "What? Eric?"
As the horse pays up the barman says to him: "We don't get many white horses coming in here, you know."
The white horse replies: "At £10 a pint, I'm not f***ing surprised."
The barman ignores him and goes on: "You know, you're kind of famous round here. Tell you what, we've even got a whisky named after you."
The white horse just looks surprised, and goes: "What? Eric?"
Hampden Park
Ex R.N.
- Oct 7, 2003
- 4,993
how do you ask a man with no arms what time it is?
have you got the time on yer cock?
have you got the time on yer cock?
ali jenkins
Thanks to Guinness Dave
Bit of a long one...
3 men go for a hike in the jungle when they get captured by the native tribe.
After 2 years the cheif of the tribe goes into their hut and says:
"you have been good for two years without trying to escape or causing any problems, so im going to let you go if you can complete 2 challenges for me"
The 3 blokes accept the challenge and await there instructions.
the next day the cheif goes up the the men and says, "The first part of your task is to go into the jungle and bring back 100 of the first fruit you find"
The blokes go off into the jungle and the first one comes back with 100 raisens!
"Right the cheif says, the second part is you must have EVERY peice of fruit shoved up your arse with out moaning, crying, laughing or any movement atall!"
So the guy bends over and gets 100 raisens shoved up his arse, no trouble atall and gets set free!
The second guy comes in with 100 grapes, gets told the same thing as the first guy and starts getting the grapes shoved up his arse.
He gets to 99 when he bursts out laughing and falls to the floor!
The chief askes what went wrong as he only had one left and the guy replied...
..."Ive just seen the other guy come back with a pineapple!"
3 men go for a hike in the jungle when they get captured by the native tribe.
After 2 years the cheif of the tribe goes into their hut and says:
"you have been good for two years without trying to escape or causing any problems, so im going to let you go if you can complete 2 challenges for me"
The 3 blokes accept the challenge and await there instructions.
the next day the cheif goes up the the men and says, "The first part of your task is to go into the jungle and bring back 100 of the first fruit you find"
The blokes go off into the jungle and the first one comes back with 100 raisens!
"Right the cheif says, the second part is you must have EVERY peice of fruit shoved up your arse with out moaning, crying, laughing or any movement atall!"
So the guy bends over and gets 100 raisens shoved up his arse, no trouble atall and gets set free!
The second guy comes in with 100 grapes, gets told the same thing as the first guy and starts getting the grapes shoved up his arse.
He gets to 99 when he bursts out laughing and falls to the floor!
The chief askes what went wrong as he only had one left and the guy replied...
..."Ive just seen the other guy come back with a pineapple!"
Muzzman
Pocket Rocket
What does a man with a two foot cock have for breakfast?
Today, I had a boiled egg.
Today, I had a boiled egg.
The Wookiee
Back From The Dead
Muzzman said:
Hampden Park
Ex R.N.
- Oct 7, 2003
- 4,993
two men go to a pub, the first bloke goes to the bar and says
"a pint of bitter for me and a pint of lager for my mate Donkey, please".
the barman serves him and thinks what a strange name his mate has.
the same bloke goes up to the bar and orders exactly the same,
"a pint of bitter for me and a pint of lager for my mate Donkey, please".
the barman serves him and is still wondering about this blokes mate called Donkey.
Donkey goes to the bar and orders a pint of lager for himself and a pint of bitter for his mate. the barman serves him and then asks
"why does your mate call you Donkey?"
Donkey replies "eyore eyore eyore ways calls me that"
"a pint of bitter for me and a pint of lager for my mate Donkey, please".
the barman serves him and thinks what a strange name his mate has.
the same bloke goes up to the bar and orders exactly the same,
"a pint of bitter for me and a pint of lager for my mate Donkey, please".
the barman serves him and is still wondering about this blokes mate called Donkey.
Donkey goes to the bar and orders a pint of lager for himself and a pint of bitter for his mate. the barman serves him and then asks
"why does your mate call you Donkey?"
Donkey replies "eyore eyore eyore ways calls me that"
Trufflehound said:
bhaexpress
New member
I met somebody yesterday who hadn't heard this one !
What would you call Postman Pat if he lost his Job ?
Pat.
What would you call Postman Pat if he lost his Job ?
Pat.
Mendoza
NSC's Most Stalked
Bill "I got this new thermosflask, it keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold"
Ben "so what you got in it?"
Bill "2 cups of tea and a choc ice!"
Ben "so what you got in it?"
Bill "2 cups of tea and a choc ice!"
Lankyseagull
One Step Beyond
Did you hear the one about the dyslexic Pimp who bought a warehouse?
or the dyslexic drug addict who tried to inject himself with a heron
I'll get me coat........
or the dyslexic drug addict who tried to inject himself with a heron
I'll get me coat........
larus
Well-known member
Why have elephants got big ears?
Cos Noddy won't pay the ransom.
Cos Noddy won't pay the ransom.
pasty
A different kind of pasty
Q. Whats green, got six legs, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
A. A snooker table
A. A snooker table
pasty
A different kind of pasty
Whats green and goes red at the flick of a switch
Kermit in a liquidiser
Kermit in a liquidiser
Northstander
Well-known member
- Oct 13, 2003
- 14,031
Grizz said:
*snigger*
seagull@stirling
New member
- Jan 17, 2006
- 146
Two Elephants Fall Off a Cliff...........
Fourteenth Eye
Face for Radio
Whats got wings & sucks blood??
Always Ultra
Always Ultra
Fourteenth Eye
Face for Radio
2 sausages in a frying pan, One says christ Its hot in here. The other says OH MY GOD A TALKING SAUSAGE!!!
SussexSpur
New member
This thread reminds me of that day last winter when I saw an evil snowman holding an abacus.
Well, I say "evil" - he certainly looked cold and calculating.
Well, I say "evil" - he certainly looked cold and calculating.