Swingers

[red star portslade]

There's a couple at the end of my street who are well known for holding "THOSE" types of parties.

Are all swingers as ugly as they are? I find the thought of hanging out the back of her, while he's breathing heavily behind me some what disturbing.

Anyone else know any swingers?

 

[Jim Van Winkle]

The oldest swinger in town . . . . . . . .

 

[public school boy]

Link removed

 

[BlockDpete]

Yes, a mate of mine is a regular "goer" to swingers clubs and parties.

Another mate of mine went along too once, with his missus.

Seems its not all about having sex, you can just party.

Though he likes a bit of group action of course.

Some how I reckon the reality is not quite as good as the fanstasy, but hey

 

[KZNSeagull]

We live in the swinging capital of SA apparently. Never been asked, never want to be, thank you.

 

[T soprano]

IMO if your into swinging you must have no respect for your wife how could you have sex with a women knowing your missus is getting done next door if you really wanna shag another women be selfish & leave her at home

 

[ifuhatepalacestandup]

100 ways you know you’re a Swinger!

1. You are wearing wristbands in most of your vacation photos.
2. Half of the numbers on your cell phone are listed only by screen names.
3. You are running out of reasons to tell your coworkers why you can’t go out with them this weekend.
4. You have over 50,000 frequent flyer miles on Air Jamaica.
5. You know most of your friends’ by their first names (Rich & Jen, Frank & Beth) but you don’t know their last names.
6. You have more lingerie than a hooker.
7. You had already seen pictures of your friends naked before you ever met them in person.
8. You position the computer screen in such a way your children can’t sneak up on you.
9. You can’t remember the last time you had pubic hair.
10. Before traveling somewhere, you look up couples in that area.
11. You worry about explaining to the neighbors why 10 couples show up on a Saturday night carrying over night bags and don’t leave until Sunday afternoon.
12. Your spouse asks you if you want to have sex, and your first thought is”With who?”
13. Your gynecologist wonders why you’re asking for birth control when he knows that your husband has had a vasectomy.
14. Your hot tub has never had a bathing suit worn in it.
15. Your sex toy collection costs more than your china set.
16. Your wife has a shirt that says: “I Like Girls Too.”
17. You have a stripper’s pole in the middle of your den.
18. You giggle at the golf course when someone asks if they can join you for a foursome.
19. The last thing you typically do at a party is search for your wife’s thong.
20. You’ve hugged your friends goodnight while naked.
21. You hear the word “Playmate” and your first thought is NOT “Playboy”
22. The word “slut” has become a term of endearment.
23. You remember to bring lube before you remember to bring lipstick.
24. Your choice in new carpeting is heavily based on which type won’t give you rug burns.
25. You’ve taken your Liberator with you to a dinner party.
26. The term Vanilla isn’t just a flavor to you.
27. You bet your wife who can score first with that cute girl.
28. You are constantly encouraging your kids to spend the weekend at friends’ houses.
29. You don’t think twice about wearing a short skirt, high heels and fishnets when it’s freezing outside.
30. Your wedding reception has an after party.
31. You get dressed for a party and don’t worry about comfort because your clothes won’t be on for very long.
32. You panic when your friend’s digital camera goes missing.
33. You’ve invited friends over and watched porn.
34. You’ve invited friends over and made porn.
35. You’ve watched someone do a tequila shot off of your wife’s breasts.
36. Your friends know what brand of condom you prefer.
37. You wake up in the morning and find that half of the clothes on the floor don’t fit you or your wife.
38. Your kids think it’s normal for adults to have sleepovers.
39. A hot tub is considered a necessity not a luxury.
40. You believe in Unicorns… Because you’ve actually ridden one.
41. You leave the kids at home when you go to the toy store.
42. You take photos of yourself with your head out of the frames, on purpose.
43. You can’t decide which of your three naughty schoolgirl outfits you should wear tonight.
44. You always keep a supply of condoms, lube and clean hand towels by your bed… And your guest bed… And your couch in the living room.
45. Every day is “Hump Day”, not just Wednesday.
46. You frequently use the term “Friends of friends” when explaining how you know certain people.
47. You know which of your outfits looks best under a black light.
48. You have an entire closet devoted just to themed outfits.
49. You place a ad that reads: “Wanted: Reliable babysitter who is willing to stay till sunrise and doesn’t ask any questions.”
50. You choose furniture based on which best repels semen stains.
51. The staffs at Hedo and Desire send you birthday cards.
52. You come home with that, “There’s Something About Mary” hairstyle.
53. The babysitter wonders why you are always already wearing your full-length coat when she arrives, even in summer.
54. In the gym shower you’re the only guy with shaved balls.
55. You know the most flattering angle at which to photograph your genitals.
56. All of your vacation photos were taken inside your hotel room.
57. You have free places to stay in almost all the fifty states and several cities in Europe.
58. You’ve ended e-mails with “Bi-Bi”.
59. You can expertly identify the differences between every type of breast implants.
60. On Christmas, there are certain presents that can’t be opened in front of your family.
61. You know exactly which of your friends are allergic to latex.
62. Your vanilla friends ask why they are never invited to your parties.
63. The movie “Swingers” was a huge disappointment to you.
64. It’s an unwritten law that you can’t call any of your friends on Saturday or Sunday until at least 3 p.m. so you don’t wake them up.
65. You’ve become especially good at operating your digital camera with one hand.
66. You actually installed a lock on a bedroom closet door that holds your sex-swing and other fun stuff.
67. You’re constantly afraid that visiting relatives will turn on one of your home videos you forgot to hide.
68. You make bets about how long it will take to “convert” your vanilla friend.
69. You’re in a public place and you swear you hear someone shout your screen name.
70. Before introducing them to your visiting family, you pull your friends aside and decide …” Here’s how we know each other…”
71. You start having withdrawals if the swinger’s web site is down.
72. When someone asks where you’re staying on your trip to Cancun, you pretend that you can’t remember the name of the resort.
73. You ask a guy to teach you “That thing you do with your fingers that my wife enjoys so much.”
74. In the middle of sex with your spouse, you ask someone else to take over for a minute while you go to the restroom.
75. You are more concerned about a pimple on your privates than on your face.
76. You come back from vacation and you have a tan, but no tan lines.
77. The first thing you do checking into a hotel is to ask for a lot of extra towels.
78. All the men bring their wives to your bachelor party.
79. Making it an early night means getting home before 3 a.m.
80. You’ve handed out business cards that have nothing to do with your occupation.
81. Your sexual fantasies never last very long… Because they keep coming true!
82. You are hanging around vanilla friends and you absentmindedly squeeze their butts.
83. You erase your computer’s browser history and cache every time you leave your office.
84. You buy lap dances for your wife… And vice versa.
85. You own a double-headed dildo.
86. You’re still smiling on Monday morning about something you did on Saturday night.
87. You’re at the market, and the only things in your basket are condoms, lube and Red Bull.
88. On vacation you set aside time to take pictures that are actually acceptable to show to your family.
89. After 25 years, people still ask if you’re newlyweds.
90. You’ve had sex with more people since you’ve been married than you did when you were single.
91. Going to vanilla bars ranks right up there with a root canal.
92. The only time you go out with your vanilla friends is when you’re on your period.
93. Your husband has lipstick on his collar and he smells like another woman’s perfume and it brings a smile to your face.
94. On Monday morning you are glad to go back to work so you can get some rest.
95. You tell your friends not to call while your parents are in town.
96. You never make it to the drive-thru before they quit serving breakfast, on your way home.
97. You have an entire external hard-drive devoted to nothing but your party photos.
98. You spouse is having an orgasm, while you are busy in the other room discussing the stock market.
99. You spent twice as long on your profile than you did on your resume.
100.You laughed out loud at 25 or more of these!

 

[The Antikythera Mechanism]

Growing pampas grass in your front garden is a way of advertising your Swingerage.

 

[Meade's Ball]

I'm embarrassed enough having sex with the woman i love. To have my blubber and sexual ordinariness on display whilst seeing some other partly self-loathing bloater shoving his be-rashed wiener in my girlfriend as she's wrist-deep in an unnamed back-end sounds bloody terrible.

 

[Poyetry In Motion]

Apparently, many residents of Scaynes Hill are swingers and there's a swingers club somewhere in the village.
Anyone care to confirm / deny / give the exact address?

 

[The Wookiee]

Apparently, many residents of Scaynes Hill are swingers and there's a swingers club somewhere in the village.
Anyone care to confirm / deny / give the exact address?

Closed down about 3 years ago, was called Hamshaw then Club Liberty, was opposite the Sloop pub.

 

[Common as Mook]

Partridge Green is a hotbed, apparently.

 

[Lifelong Supporter]

Swingers club boss admits managing a brothel

5:29pm Monday 7th July 2008 in News By Nigel Freedman

A former police officer who ran a controversial swingers club has admitted managing a brothel.

Brian Sheridan ran Hamshaws in Scaynes Hill, near Haywards Heath, with his wife Caroline.

Plans for a three day fetish festival on the ten-acre site were halted when police stepped in to stop it going ahead in 2006.

Sheridan, 60, and his wife ran the club where swingers met to have sex with each other, often as others watched.

But residents complained about activities there and brought in their own private investigator to infiltrate the club.




Karen Holt, prosecuting, said up to 60 men attended Pandora's Party nights held there every Wednesday night.

The event was run by a prostitute who called herself Pandora, Hove Crown Court heard.

She paid rent for the use of the club to Brian Sheridan and had two other prostitutes working with her.

Miss Holt said private eye Richard Clarke posed as a new member in April 2006 and paid a £150 entrance fee.

Mr Clarke said Pandora and her girls had group and individual sex with clients in the club's games room while other men watched.

On a second visit a month later he saw a leather-clad man and woman build a torture rack in the club's main play area.

The man was put face up on the rack and blindfolded before being whipped and given electric shocks as hot wax was poured on his chest.



Other guests used rooms in the club's 'Wicked Chalet' for sex while being watched by male customers.

Sheridan and his wife, from Cobham, Surrey, were arrested and denied managing a brothel between November 2005 and June 2006.

Sheridan changed his plea to guilty before his trial was due to start.

The prosecution offered no evidence against Mrs Sheridan who was found not guilty on the direction of the judge.

Brian Tetler, defending, said Sheridan is a former police officer who had no previous convictions.

Mr Tetler added: "This was effectively a club run within a club.

"Pandora paid rent for the use of the premises which for the rest of the week was run as a swingers club.

"The majority of the profits from the night went to Pandora."

Judge Cedric Joseph said he will almost certainly give Sheridan a ten-month prison sentence suspended for two years.

However, he adjourned sentence until August 11 so that a decision can be taken on how much unpaid community work Sheridan must do.

The court heard that Sheridan has been made bankrupt since the club shut down and plans to convert it into a nursing home fell through.

The Argus revealed in 2006 how police stopped the three-day Festival of Bliss from going ahead after complaints from local residents.

Around 350 couples from all over Britain were due to attend the event at the former Brighton Sun Club naturists venue in Sloop Lane, Scaynes Hill.

Events planned included a 'Moulin Rude' ball and orgies in a jacuzzi big enough to hold 36 people.

Residents said at the time they were relieved that the festival had been halted.

David Whitome said: "This is the worst kind of event they could have held at the club.

"We are delighted that the police acted as they did to stop it."

PC Mark Dennett-Thorpe, who led the investigation, said: "I am satisfied with the outcome.

"The evidence against Sheridan was so overwhelming that he had no option but to plead guilty."

 

[Raleigh Chopper]

Mrs Chopper and I once went to Sandals Negril in Jamaica, it was next door to Hedonism a famous swinging holiday club.You could see them at it from our beach bar and once a day they would escape and walk along the beach wearing only a flap over their bits carrying big inflatable willies and shouting out two four six eight lets all masturbate, almost put me off my Red Stripe. Mostly yanks all fat and ugly.

 

[Horsham Gull]

 

[HastingsSeagull]

Ugly people making up for not getting very much between the ages of 16 and 30?

 

[Beach Hut]

Quite probably one of the greatest clips from an animated film ever - magnificent

 

[Gullys Cats]

SING WHEN YOUR SWINGING!...
you only sing when your swinging!!
SING WHEN YOUR SWINGING!!!!!

 

[ifuhatepalacestandup]

PC Mark Dennett-Thorpe, who led the investigation, said: "I am satisfied
ill bet

 

[Silent Bob]

There's a couple at the end of my street who are well known for holding "THOSE" types of parties.

Are all swingers as ugly as they are?

If you were a beautiful person who wanted to do this , would you swap your wife for some shovelface? No.