Stupid ways that you have hurt yourself

[Scarface]

Come on let everyone laugh at your misfortune!

Nothing too serious for me, just bruised knuckles from punching doors and my tv in fits of rage! I think the TV may have been when Zidane scored the pen against England in the summer!

 

[Marc]

I was amazingly hammered after the Swiss game in Euro last year that I went home and beat ten tonnes of shit outta my Hi-Fi, woke up with bleeding knuckles, blood all over the toilet door and then I found my phone which took a beating aswell. All because someone wanted to talk about my mates death the year before and I got all emotional and angry cos I was so drunk!

But my personal classic, all day sunday session in Southwick, went to Shoreham for evening beers and then walked back to Southwick so I could collect my bike to ride back home to Shoreham...fell off, broke my collarbone, shouted at the ambulance crew to "turn on the siren and flashig lights because I aint never gonna be in one of these wagons again!"
jesus it hurt the next day...and that was just the hangover

 

[Easy 10]

Ooh, good thread. I love this kind of thing.

I really scuffed my hands and knees up badly once, when I was busting for a piss and ran into a carpark at the back of a building (in the dark). I failed to notice a chain that was hanging at shin-height, was sent sprawling, and got loads of gravel embedded in my palms. I pissed myself a bit as well.

A mate of mine also got a sprained wrist when he was sitting in a trolley I was pushing. As I ran to the bottom of a hill with it, I shoved the trolley across a road. The trolley lurched crazily as it crashed down one kerb, and then overturned completely as it smashed into the one opposite, hurling my mate forward onto the path. His arm swelled up like a bastard.

 

[West Hoathly Seagull]

Nearly diving headlong into Wood Lane on the way back from the QPR game. Fortunately I put my hand out to steady myself and ended up with only a severe bruise on my right arm, but I went staggering out as if I was going to fly into the traffic. No I had not been at the Was going to, but my mate did not turn up. Picking up a broken glass as a kid, despite being warned not to break it by my mum and being told that I would hurt myself.

 

[Kinky Gerbil]

I stepped on a sega plug that f***ing hurt

 

[Meade's Ball]

I was playing a game that involved cracking plastic tape boxes. I was using a pen-knife to do it. I liked the sound it made. Unfortunately/stupidly, i was playing this game on my leg. One thrust too hard and i'd stuck the knife fully into my thigh.
Idiot.

 

[Icy Gull]

Not me but a schoolfriend many years ago stepped off a jetty to get into a rowing boat, managed to slip and end up falling with one leg in the boat and one leg out onto the metal rowlocks and was promptly....

 

[rool]

I used to do a paper round and had one of the old chopper bikes. Any one who had one will remember the gear stick. Well one time on my round I was cycling standing up to get some speed when my paper bag swung round and knocked the gear stick into neutral resulting in me falling, crutch first, onto it.

Luckily it missed both my legs

 

[Sonic The Hedgehog]

Unsurprisingly - beer involved



Jumped down the last three steps on my way out of the pub on a Friday evening - result: ruptured ankle ligaments.



My mate went to Iceland to watch Hafnarfjordur v Dunfermline in the UEFA Cup this season (don't ask). He 'slipped' over in the bathroom and smashed his mouth on the sink - breaking his teeth. Oh how we laughed.

 

[Deano's Right Foot]

Aged seven I dislocated my left thumb when saving a plastic ball that weighed about half an ounce in a game of "get the ball in the paddling pool" with my brothers. I went to hospital in my wet trunks and they put it back in.

Aged ten I dislocated my left thumb carrying a canoe. Luckily my doctor's surgery was around the corner and the nurse put it back in.

Aged twenty-five I dislocated my left thumb putting a bag up on a rack on a train and had to put it back in myself as it was the start of a long train journey. It took about five goes to do it and I nearly fainted with the pain.

 

[Rangdo]

I once managed to find a builders hard hat on some roadworks on my way to Cheeky Chicken. I thought it would be a good idea to test it so I put it on. I lowered my head and took a good 10 metre or so run up at a lamp post. The plastic strap around the inside cut into the top of my nose when the hat skewed on impact. Blood everywhere.

 

[lost in london]

When I was in hospital getting my sister's arm fixed after I had broken it playing football with her, I got chatting with some woman who had taken her dog for a walk on one of those retractable dog leads, the dog had run off, broken the lead and the clip at the end of the lead had flown back, hit her in the face and taken three front teeth out.

 

[Gritt23]

Just popping into the downstairs loo .... now what safer thing can you do?

As I moved towards the toilet I knocked the toilet roll from the holder, so instinctively bent down towards the toilet to reach behind for the roll, but as I did so, the plastic lid of the toilet seat began to fall down, catching me on the forehead as I was bending down at some speed.

if you have a plastic toilet seat go and feel the edge opf the lid, not exactly sharp as a knive, but sharp enough.

My wife heard my screams and came running down stairs to find me lying in a heap halfway out of the toilet, with blood pouring down my face. I have a lump and a scar to this day.

Be warned, toilets are DANGEROUS.

 

[Easy 10]

Oooh, la-de-dah. Hark at "Mr Downstairs Loo" here.

 

[hutchings (48)]

1. You know when you sneeze your head goes forward ? Sneezed in a doorway once, head goes forward and hits the frame of the door, blood.

2. Studying in Grenoble early 90's, p£££ed on St Patricks Night, Halls of residence halfway up the side of a mountain, leave party looking for my mates, dark, tumble part the way down the mountain, sprained ankle, no skin left on back, cant speak french very well so reluctant to go an see a doctor and explain what happened, stuck in halls of residence for two weeks unable to walk.

 

[Trufflehound]

Slipped a disc whilst stretching to give myself a blow j...

No wait, that was a dream.

 

[itszamora]

I broke one of my teeth whilst playing indoor football at school once, by smacking my mouth into the crossbar of one of the goals

 

[Hungry Joe]

Stapled my thumb to see how it would feel. It hurt funnily enough.

 

[tedebear]

Dislocated my shoulder by attempting to put a cardigan on.... not funny at the time - but funny these days.... unforutunately a sign of things to come:

next dislocation was rolling over in bed (alone!! )
next few were at basketball...
last dislocation of shoulder was sitting at my desk at work - I leaned back to stretch and pop-o out she comes again!!

just waiting for the next one now.... surely time shirley...

 

[PILTDOWN MAN]

1 pi**ed jumped across step at the top of the landing at my old house, jumped off-line and caught my little toe on a door frame not just breaking it but it bent completly sideways and ended up facing backwards. it didn't hurt i was too drunk but the nurses had a good laugh!

2 i was an aircraft engineer for 18 years, one day two guys were marching across the hangar holding what i thourght was a roll of 12 ft long bubble wrap. great if i run at it it wopuld bend the middle and send them flying. what a wheeze. no the roll was solid plastic, as i hit i slipped headbutted the roll knocked myself out. not a good idea as at the time i was the health and safety rep for gatwick.

3 when i was about 6 i was riding along the pavement when my neighbour drove past i waved. i then looked back only to see a concrete lamppost infront of me. smacked into it face first. i had an egg on head for years.

4 when about 13 i had just replaced the brakes on by bike. feeling pleased with myself i went to the top of the hill and rode as fast as i could down and applied my new brakes. the centre retaining bolt snapped and brake flew up and smacked me on the nose. blood everywhere. still going fast and now no brake i then went straight into a parked car and took a great big lump out of my knee.