Scouser jokes

[goldstone]

Police cordoned off Liverpool city centre this morning when a suspicious object was found in a car.

It later turned out to be a tax disk.


Any more??

 

[Cpt. Spavil]

this one is scouse based lol

A woman goes tp the doctors and says "Everytime i open my legs I hear the song You'll Never Walk Alone" Doctor says "Dont worry, you hear a lot of ***** singing that".

 

[element]

Not a joke, but...

Asked a scouse bloke on the fish counter at Tesco today who would win the Gold Cup, and he said Kauto Star...

Didn't back it

*crying*

 

[Lady Whistledown]

Careful chaps, they're fairly sensitive these Scousers.

You'll get a Liverpool fatwa issued against you any time soon.

(See Johnson, Boris)

 

[element]

Me and a few pals drove to Liverpool for the FA Cup game in '91

We pulled up in the car park and a couple of scallies offered to 'look after our car' for a pound

My mate said, 'No thanks. We've got a Labrador in the back and he'll look after it...'

Cue scally to retort, 'Puts out fires does it?'

 

[Djmiles]

Why does the River Mersey run through Liverpool?

Because if it walked, it would get mugged.

 

[London Pompous]

Q: What do you call a Scouse Muslim Terrorist?

A: Osama BinDipper

Q: What do you call a Scouser in a suit?

A: The accused.

 

[element]

Bloke moves to Liverpool

Drives into town, gets the train home

Again drives into town, gets the train home again

Thinks to himself, 'When in Rome....'

Gets train into town, drives home

 

[Half Time Pies]

What's the tallest Mountain in Liverpool?

KillamanforhisGiro

 

[SeeGoals]

Three men, a Scouser, a Manc and a Rasta all in the maternity ward waiting for their partners to give birth. The midwife comes out and tells them congratulations, they're all fathers of beautiful healthy boys, however unfortunately they've run out of the name tags, and the babies have been mixed up, so if they could each go in and identify their sons from any family resemblance etc. The Manc wants to go first, so in he goes and comes out with a black baby The Rasta looks a bit confused, "excuse me", he said, "but don't you think he's likely to be mine ?" "Probably", said the Manc, "but one of them in there's a scouser, and I'm takin' no chances !!!!!"

 

[alex_brighton]

what do you call two scousers on video?

evidence

 

[SeeGoals]

If you want the rest click on the link below.

http://www.jokefile.co.uk/odds/liverpool.html

 

[mona]

Here's one. What do you call the two best players in England? Gerrard and Rooney.