Same line, every time, never funny.

[West Hoathly Seagull]

When I was a cab driver, I used to take up the radio rent in cash to the Manager. It was the same amount each week. Without fail, the Manager would say, "No tip then?" It got ever so boring after a while.

 

[Withdean Wanderer]

The saying that annoys me is when you need some odd change like 5p on £3.05 and you ask do you want the odd when tendering a £10 note, the assistant says 'if you have it' ffs if I didnt have it I wouldn't ask if you wanted it.

Bollocks, i thought it was just me who said that! Must have done it 4 times today, oops!

 

[Goodfella]

Do any other NSCers have a friend, colleague, family member who has a constantly repeated, predictable, unfunny line?

Ernest

 

[BobbySmith]

The line that really bugs me is:


'We played really well today, I am proud of my boys, all we need is a striker, as we are not far of from being a very good side'

Cant remember the name of the guy who gets saying this, but I can assure you it is not funny.

 

[Virgos Magician]

The saying that annoys me is when you need some odd change like 5p on £3.05 and you ask do you want the odd when tendering a £10 note, the assistant says 'if you have it' ffs if I didnt have it I wouldn't ask if you wanted it.

So true, and its always the older generation ( not trying to be stereotypical but it mainly is), and then when u say 'please' in a ffs mood they spend about 5 mins getting the old pennies out, and they count it for you. " I CAN COUNT!!" i would say but that'll be the end of my job. And then when you give them the change back they've put there purse or wallets away in there pushbaskets, and you have to wait for them to find it and open it. Then the customer behind gives you an evil. Its like wat am i suppose to do.


That feels better now

 

[Collar Feeler]

Anytime I walk into a pub in uniform cue the hilarious comments from the ever so funny patrons, e.g:

Pissed bloke holds out his hands as if to be handcuffed and says, "I did it, take me away it's a fair cop"

Or same bloke points to his mate and says, "he's here mate, quick arrest him"

Or Ugly fat bint and her mates wet their fat slag knickers when one of them shouts, "Are you the stripper?"

Alternatively the ugly bird says, "Can I wear your hat?".

The most common one though is the ever so boring, "I was going to join the police but.....** Insert long crap excuse why you didnt **"

Ahhh the public, you gotta love em

 

[Dick Knights Mumm]

Almost every morning my darling asks "will you draw the curtains".

To which I start miming sketching.

And you can't tell me that's not still funny after 25 years.

Comedy genius.

 

[Yorkie]

Almost every morning my darling asks "will you draw the curtains".

To which I start miming sketching.

And you can't tell me that's not still funny after 25 years.

Comedy genius.

Ned & I both have a literal sense of humour and do find quips like that funny time after time.
The 'same length as this one' train comment made me smile this morning.

 

[Dave the OAP]

it must be a riot in your house Yorkie

 

[Napper]

bloke at work whenever you ask the team if they'd like a drink always replies "I'll have a beer please"

he doesn't even drink, twice a day for 3 years and it still isn't funny

 

[Barrel of Fun]

My grandmother always used to say to my Gradnfather. "Would you put the kettle on, please dear"

To which he would walk in the room with the kettle on his head and say "I don't think it suits me dear"

Comedy genius. Never got tired of that prank.

 

[Skint Gull]

I nearly got beaten up once when some 8 ft lager monster asked me how long the next train would be ,"same length as this one I replied",He was livid.

 

[Jim D]

Every day someone on here starts a poll asking if McGhee should be in or out. Every time over 50% say 'in' but it doesn't seem to register with them - they still start another one the next day. Boring or what?

 

[CHAPPERS]

My grandmother always used to say to my Gradnfather. "Would you put the kettle on, please dear"

To which he would walk in the room with the kettle on his head and say "I don't think it suits me dear"

Comedy genius. Never got tired of that prank.

Every time my dad opens a present and it happens to be a book he makes sure that he opens it with the book the wrong way up and pipes up with the comment 'ooh they've printed this one upside down'.

I'm the only one who still laughs at that.

 

[Yorkie]

Every day someone on here starts a poll asking if McGhee should be in or out. Every time over 50% say 'in' but it doesn't seem to register with them - they still start another one the next day. Boring or what?

Yes.

 

[Barrel of Fun]

Every time my dad opens a present and it happens to be a book he makes sure that he opens it with the book the wrong way up and pipes up with the comment 'ooh they've printed this one upside down'.

I'm the only one who still laughs at that.

Classic! I love that sense of humour.

 

[Brighton till i die]

My grandmother always used to say to my Gradnfather. "Would you put the kettle on, please dear"

To which he would walk in the room with the kettle on his head and say "I don't think it suits me dear"

Comedy genius. Never got tired of that prank.

quality

 

[bardo]

I nearly got beaten up once when some 8 ft lager monster asked me how long the next train would be ,"same length as this one I replied",He was livid.

Yeah but I thought that train guards were meant to be more helpful than that!

Actually I admire folk that can remember jokes and reel them off just like that. I've got a memory like a sieve so you could tell me a joke you told me yesterday and I'll still laugh 'cos even though I can vaguely remember the joke I inevitably forget the punch-line.

Now what was it about my dog having no nose ..........

 

[Lokki 7]

I hate beggars who ask "Any spare change?". I mean, yeah mate I've got shit loads of spare money I just can't find a use for, do us a favour and take some of it off my hands will ya. Twat.
I actually once said to a particularly smelly tramp, "Sorry mate I haven't any spare change but I could do with some, do you have any spare?". He gave me 5p bless him.

 

[Dick Knights Mumm]

Another favourite is to take any wrapped present, shake it, and say "well it's not a jigsaw puzzle".