Reworking the classics!

[Biscuit]

Humpty dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
The structure, you see, was deemed incorrect,
So he won a grand through claims direct!

(nicked off the 'NOW' show)

Over to you...

 

[wadhurstseagull]

Humpty dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings horses and all the kings men
Had scrambled eggs for breakfast again.

 

[scooter1]

My old mans a dustman
He wears a dustmans hat
He also smells f***ing terrible
Need another line to rhyme with hat

 

[NMH]

Simple Simon met a pieman going to the fayre
said simple simon to the pieman;
"eagh eeeoo arh nyaannngg"
Because he was a complete f'ing mong.

Georgie Porgie pudden and pie
kissed the girls and made them cry
when the boys came out to play,
he kissed them too cos his name was safeway

Little Ms Muffett
sat on a tuffet
eating her curds and whey
along came a Spider
and sat down beside her
so she ate that too
because she was still slightly peckish




Well it wasn't politically incorrect when I were a lad.
and it was even faintly amusing back then n' all

 

[Lankyseagull]

Two young persons of opposite genders, proceeded toward the apex of a natural geologic protuberance. The purpose of their expedition was to procure a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large vessel, the exact size of which was omniously omitted from the record. As the male person precipitously descended, he consequently sustained severe damage to the upper cranial portion of his anatomy. A similar fate befell the female, who immediately after the male person, performed a self-rotational translation oriented in the same direction having been traversed by the young man.

 

[Buzzer]

there was an old woman who lived in a shoe
who had so many children her womb fell out

 

[dougdeep]

Simple Simon met a pie-man, going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie-man, "What have you got there"
Said the pie-man to our young Simon, "PIES YOU DOPY C**T!"

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Roses are red
Violets are violet

 

[Frutos]

Two young persons of opposite genders, proceeded toward the apex of a natural geologic protuberance. The purpose of their expedition was to procure a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large vessel, the exact size of which was omniously omitted from the record. As the male person precipitously descended, he consequently sustained severe damage to the upper cranial portion of his anatomy. A similar fate befell the female, who immediately after the male person, performed a self-rotational translation oriented in the same direction having been traversed by the young man.

Not so catchy as the original version though, and you'd probably have a hard time making it fit to the tune.

 

[Buzzer]

Simple Simon met a pie-man, going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie-man, "What have you got there"
Said the pie-man to our young Simon, "PIES YOU DOPY C**T!"

the winner.