Reply of the night tonight:

[fork me]

"Were you staring at her arse?"
"Of course I was, she had her back to me. I couldn't stare at her tits, could I?"

 

[Ecosse Exile]

a mate of mine got caught staring at a birds arse.
When she said "Were you looking at my arse?"
He replied, very calmly "yep, theres people in here with worse looking faces"

Made me laugh anyway.

 

[Superphil]

my reply of the night was, "OK love, night night, get us a beer before you go to bed, me and Annette are still chatting", think I got away with it, she bought me a 15 year old Dalwhinnie.

Damn, now she's poured herslef another Rose and herand Annette are yakking on, think I'll go to bed!

 

[Skint Gull]

Before a footy match the other week we were chatting about one of the lads PJ who'd been carrying an injury and didn't make it to half time in the previous couple of games:

Gilo's attempted dig: Hey we're gonna have to start calling you 40 minute PJ!

PJ (without a seconds pause): Has your missus been talkin about me again!

 

[fork me]

Before a footy match the other week we were chatting about one of the lads PJ who'd been carrying an injury and didn't make it to half time in the previous couple of games:

Gilo's attempted dig: Hey we're gonna have to start calling you 40 minute PJ!

PJ (without a seconds pause): Has your missus been talkin about me again!

I like that, reminds me of one in a rugby match over here. One of the Paphos Tigers had called one of our players a fat ****. The reply:

Do you know why I'm so fat? Every time I f*** your missus, she gives me a biscuit.

 

[Notters]

I had: can't you miss the Carlisle home match so we can go to visit my parents?

All I could think to say was: er, can we discuss this when I'm sober?

 

[Billy the Fish]

I like that, reminds me of one in a rugby match over here. One of the Paphos Tigers had called one of our players a fat ****. The reply:

Do you know why I'm so fat? Every time I f*** your missus, she gives me a biscuit.

Google it

 

[brightonrock]

I like that, reminds me of one in a rugby match over here. One of the Paphos Tigers had called one of our players a fat ****. The reply:

Do you know why I'm so fat? Every time I f*** your missus, she gives me a biscuit.

That's originally a cricket sledge. Edo Brandes (sp?) for Zimbabwe vs Australia, if my memory serves. My favourite one ever is Botham to Healy or Marsh, I forget which one, they said "How's your wife and my kids?" to which Beefy replied "Wife's fine, kids are retarded."

 

[WATFORD zero]

True story, 5 of us in a car driving home from a Sunday Morning match, one of our players was asking another who regularly had foreign students staying

Player 1 "Any chance of me coming round for sunday dinner and shagging one of your students ?"
Player 2 "Sorry, we don't have any students at the moment, it will have to be the wife"
Player 1 "That depends, what's for dinner ?"

Cue car swerving across road