I think this exposes the fundamental flaw in the conversation (not directing these comments specifically at you, your post was just the most recent). I'm sure I've said similar in a recent thread.
There often is no 'right' (or 'wrong') decision. That's what subjective means. This attitude of 'right/wrong' is the source of frustration. People don't really want the right decision, they want their decision. So a ref makes his decision, and an assistant/VAR who understands the laws make the Ref's decision the one that counts aren't looking to make sure the ref makes the 'right' decision as they see it, just an honest one. Hence the process of the ref explaining what he saw, and the VAR accepting his decision was based on what happened, or the VAR says 'that isn't what happened, have another look' then the ref looks and makes his own decision on the footage with the benefit of another angle/speed etc. It's why Deemot Gallagher so frequently says "I can see why he gave it" rather than "he's wrong".
If people could get out of their own heads, and realise that just because they (and even their friends/fellow fans/the ex players on TV) think a different decision should be made, it doesn't mean they are right and the ref is wrong, there would be a lot less frustration/anger with referees, VAR etc.
We see the disagreements on here, on various TV shows, radio phone ins, podcasts. If the ref made the same decision as I make in every instance, there would still be people saying he got it wrong, and VAR should have corrected him and what's the point of it if it's not going to correct him. If he makes the decisions that you (whoever is reading this) would make, there would be other people who think he's got it wrong and VAR should have corrected it and why have VAR if they're not going to get involved.
Yes, there are instances when refs get it wrong, they see everything as it happened, they just made the wrong call for whatever reason (brain fart/lapse in concentration, trying to show leniancy or fairness and overcompensating, etc) they are human beings. In those instances where the ref saw what happened and it matches what VAR saw, they're not allowed to advise the ref to look at the video. Perhaps they should be, but then how do you distinguish between the margins - how much contorting to see the ref's point of view when it is different from your own is too much?
I also think we should do a better job of distinguishing between a poor refereeing performance, and a bad law or bad instructions. Some of the decisions are made because that's how their paymasters tell them to make them, and if they don't make the decision that way, they get benched until they learn to do it the way they are instructed. While they may want to make a decision we'd like more, if they do they are punished for it, because it's not how they've been told to apply that law. And if we're being generous perhaps try to understand it - we approach games wanting the best outcome for our clubs/the worst outcome for our rivals, and/or entertainment. PGMOL and Premier league want laws that give the competition structure and attempt at fairness. That is going to lead to different interpretations.
Are you a ref?
I'm sorry but I don't accept most of what you say. Obviously there are calls that are close but this thread is highlighting at least two that weren't. Welbeck's penalty and Cucu's hair being pulled. In the first instance, what on earth do you think the ref said to Brooks for it not to be a penalty? "John, I saw the defender contact Welbeck shoulder to shoulder, can you confirm that is correct?"
Most people will argue the toss about close decisions but will still recognise that they are subjective, for example, the tackle on Havertz for Tottenham's first. There is nothing subjective about a player's hair being pulled enough to force you to the ground. Or do you also think Nunez headbutts are also subjective?