Really crap, short jokes.

[Barrel of Fun]

Leon Knight.

 

[rool]

Not short but made me laugh:

A guy owns a horse farm. One day a friend phones him up , "I've sent a dwarf with a speech impediment to see you. He wants to buy a horse". Sure enough the dwarf turns up.

Dwarf asks "I want to buy a horth"

The owner asks him "Do you want a male horse or a female horse ?"

The Dwarf replies "A female horth"

The owner shows him a Mare.

"Nithe Horth" says the Dwarf, "can I thee her eyth?" The owner picks up the Dwarf to show him the Horses eyes.

"Nithe eyth" says the Dwarf "can I thee her teeth?" Again the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses teeth.

"Nithe teeth, can I see her eerth?" The Dwarf asks. By now the owner is getting a little fed up, but again picks up the Dwarf to show him the horses ears.

"Nithe eerth," he says "Can I see her twot?" With this the owner picks up the Dwarf and shoves his head deep between the horse's legs, holding him there for a second before pulling him out & putting down.

"Perhaps I should rephrathe that" said the Dwarf, "can I see her wun awound?"

 

[Early Doors]

Not short but made me laugh:

A guy owns a horse farm. One day a friend phones him up , "I've sent a dwarf with a speech impediment to see you. He wants to buy a horse". Sure enough the dwarf turns up.

Dwarf asks "I want to buy a horth"

The owner asks him "Do you want a male horse or a female horse ?"

The Dwarf replies "A female horth"

The owner shows him a Mare.

"Nithe Horth" says the Dwarf, "can I thee her eyth?" The owner picks up the Dwarf to show him the Horses eyes.

"Nithe eyth" says the Dwarf "can I thee her teeth?" Again the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses teeth.

"Nithe teeth, can I see her eerth?" The Dwarf asks. By now the owner is getting a little fed up, but again picks up the Dwarf to show him the horses ears.

"Nithe eerth," he says "Can I see her twot?" With this the owner picks up the Dwarf and shoves his head deep between the horse's legs, holding him there for a second before pulling him out & putting down.

"Perhaps I should rephrathe that" said the Dwarf, "can I see her wun awound?"

I like that

 

[Biscuit]

 

[Cheeky Monkey]

A rock meets a ruler:

Ruler: You rock!
Rock: You rule!

 

[El Presidente]

"Doctor Doctor, I think I'm Tom Jones"

"It's not unusual"

 

[pasty]

A woman goes to the doctor suffering chest pains. Her husband has been waiting outside for her for a few minutes when she comes rushing out screaming "The doctors a pervert, the doctors a pervert". Her husband calms her down and when she tells him what happened he goes storming into the doctors office.

"What do you think you mean by saying my wife has a nice fanny?" he shouts

"No no no", said the doctor, "I said"
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"she's got acute angina"

 

[Soul Finger]

Any more?

Come on chaps and chappesses

 

[Billy the Fish]

What's got eight legs and a big black c unt?












The A-Team

 

[British Bulldog]

Man say's to wife " I had a wet dream about you last night " She say's " Really " He says " Yes, you got hit by a bus and I pissed myself laughing "

 

[Hampden Park]

man goes to a fancy dress party with just a jam jar over his knob.
woman asks him 'what have you come as?'
he replies 'a fireman, break the glass, pull the knob and i'll come as soon as possible

 

[ezmally]

i was gonna start a thread of christmas cracker jokes, but i guesss this thread covers it really, apart from the rude/crude ones.

So mine is, what do you say to a fat man standing at the bar?

You're round

 

[ezmally]

actually reading back through them all i dont think any of them would be allowed in a christmas cracker

 

[Hampden Park]

i was gonna start a thread of christmas cracker jokes, but i guesss this thread covers it really, apart from the rude/crude ones.

So mine is, what do you say to a fat man standing at the bar?

You're round

he replies you're not so slim yourself

 

[Soul Finger]

What did the mum buffalo say to her child as he left for school?

Bison

 

[The Large One]

One from the 70s...

What do you call a dog with wings?






Linda McCartney

 

[Bigtk]

Leon Knight.

 

[Rangdo]

What do you call a lepper in a hot-tub?

Stu

 

[OGH9]

Every time you pass on this message a black person is murdered, please pass this on in being apart of a white Christmas.

 

[Tyrone Biggums]

Did you here about the Irish Cannnbal?











He ate himself