Real-life Dilbert moments

[Codner pharmaceuticals]

I am leaving a failing company and every day for the last few months has felt like I am in a Dilbert sketch.

Share your real-life Dilbert moments

My personal favourite:

It is the day we decide that we need to make a significant number of redundancies

- The owner goes on a "well-deserved" 7th or 8th holiday of the year

- Leaves the rest of us to break the news

- Authorises spend on a PR company to write an application for his nomination as one of the top 100 influencers in our industry

Please tell me I am not alone...

 

[Norman Potting]

Love Dilbert, when I used to work as a humble User Acceptance Tester I had the Dilbert daily calendar on my desk which was circulate around the team - so much of it was relevant particularly as Dilbert's organisation seemed very similar to the one I worked for. Now I just get a daily cartoon pinged to my inbox.

Can't pin down a particular moment but I love Dogbert, and Wally is an all time hero.

 

[happypig]

I once had a boss say "You're better qualified, more experienced and more suitable than Cliff,as well as already being the substantive grade. Trouble is I already told him he'd get the job and if I gave it to you I'd look bad. What we're going to do, therefore, is say you're a poor performer and demote you."
I replied "All that, just so you don't have to admit you lied ?"

 

[brakespear]

I used to love Dilbert and then, after reading a collection of the strips, there was a rant from the author about the power of positive thinking and how it could solve all your problems and I've steered clear ever since.

 

[fly high]

Once had a boss who said to me 'you are my technical expert & I look to you for guidance. I know you are right & my way is wrong but we'll do it my way anyway!!!'
Bloke was a total tosser, took ages to make a decision, worked in a complete muddle & even though he was earning a really good wack was such a tight arsed bastard he thought it was great when he bought his wife's xmas present for less than a fiver down the market, a pack of hankies in a crumpled box, chocolate flavoured chocs & a fold up brolly...........Suffice to say she did eventually divorce him.

 

[FamilyGuy]

I had a client say to me "I'm having trouble finding good Project Managers"
So I gave him the CV of a few PM's and he liked them all, I then told him how much he would need to pay for them.
His response was "I'm used to paying about half that rate ..."

I left him to fill in the silence but he didn't, and so he still can't find good PM's.
btw, this guy is the CIO of a very well known international company.

 

[Fungus]

I used to love Dilbert and then, after reading a collection of the strips, there was a rant from the author about the power of positive thinking and how it could solve all your problems and I've steered clear ever since.

I read the rant too, and it was rather "odd". He did retract it later, I believe.

Don't let it put you off, though - you'd be missing out.

 

[readingstockport]

Our CEO held a meeting at which he told us how well we were all doing, the latest round of redundancies had finished, noone else woudl be made redundant and things were beginning to look up.

We left the meeting and IMMEDIATELY, and I mean immediately, were called into a meeting by our group director to be told that 4 out of 18 of us were to be made redundant.


And Adam's is a wingnut xian who believes in creationism and the end times. Dilbert itself is great but he is up there with the other wingers.

 

[brakespear]

I read the rant too, and it was rather "odd". He did retract it later, I believe.

Don't let it put you off, though - you'd be missing out.

Fair enough, thanks for the info

 

[Codner pharmaceuticals]

And today I am with a customer of mine in Switzerland. She tells me about a meeting with my company (of 20 people) I am told nothing about.

To be said in a heavy Spanish accent "So this man I am supposed to have a face-to-face meeting with rings me up instead 20 minutes late and is very insistent I work with the company - so I told him no".

Well done after I had already agreed a few projects - he is a true antidote to sales.