Posh Spice is a Slapper...

[Virgo's Haircut]

Posh Spice is a Slapper
She looks a bit like the Grinch
And when she's Shagging Beckham
She thinks of Joel Lynch

 

[Barrel of Fun]

Posh Spice is a slapper,
she is a saucy devil
and when she's shagging Beckham,
she thinks of Alex Revell.

 

[Zesh Rehman]

nah dont bother changing it just stay with harty

 

[Virgo's Haircut]

Posh Spice is a slapper
She washes Brooklyns socks
And when shes Shagging Beckham
She thinks of Tiny Cox

 

[Barrel of Fun]

Posh Spice is a slapper
She washes Brooklyns socks
And when shes Shagging Beckham
She thinks of Tiny Cox

Posh Spice is a slapper,
she likes to wear diapers.
And when shes Shagging Beckham,
she thinks of Michel Kuipers.

 

[RM-Taylor]

 

[Muzzman]

Posh Spice is a slapper,
She gives plenty o'cocks-a-milkings
But when she's shagging beckham,
She thinks of Deano Wilkins

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Posh Spice is a slapper,
She's really not a toff
And when she's shagging Beckham
She's thinking of Doug Loft

 

[aftershavedave]

Posh Spice is a slapper,
She's really not a toff
And when she's shagging Beckham
She's thinking of Doug Loft

i like the way you've used non-rhyming endings there tom

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

i like the way you've used non-rhyming endings there tom

Picky

 

[wadhurstseagull]

I believe this is known as a half rhyme - a technique used by many of the more famous poets. I say well done for utilising a half rhyme to produce a witty ditty (which is a full rhyme for those in the know) which is a half ryhme.

Simple really. (that doesn't rhyme at all)

 

[Munkfish]

Posh Spice is a slapper,
She's really not a toff
And when she's shagging Beckham
She's thinking of Doug Loft

change the doug to dougie

 

[Munkfish]

Posh Spice is a slapper,
She's really not a toff
And when she's shagging Beckham
She thinks of Dougie Loft

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

change the doug to dougie

What, so then it still doesn't rhyme and it doesn't scan either?

 

[chez]

I should have copyrighted the Harty version when I first made it up!!

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

I believe this is known as a half rhyme - a technique used by many of the more famous poets. I say well done for utilising a half rhyme to produce a witty ditty (which is a full rhyme for those in the know) which is a half ryhme.

Well played sir, could do a job

(only joking, you're a KNOB)

 

[wadhurstseagull]

John Dunne - The Flea c.1635

MARK but this flea, and mark in this,
How little that which thou deniest me is ;
It suck'd me first, and now sucks thee,
And in this flea our two bloods mingled be.
Thou know'st that this cannot be said
A sin, nor shame, nor loss of maidenhead ;
Yet this enjoys before it woo,
And pamper'd swells with one blood made of two ;
And this, alas ! is more than we would do.

O stay, three lives in one flea spare,
Where we almost, yea, more than married are.
This flea is you and I, and this
Our marriage bed, and marriage temple is.
Though parents grudge, and you, we're met,
And cloister'd in these living walls of jet.
Though use make you apt to kill me,
Let not to that self-murder added be,
And sacrilege, three sins in killing three.

Cruel and sudden, hast thou since
Purpled thy nail in blood of innocence?
Wherein could this flea guilty be,
Except in that drop which it suck'd from thee?
Yet thou triumph'st, and say'st that thou
Find'st not thyself nor me the weaker now.
'Tis true ; then learn how false fears be ;
Just so much honour, when thou yield'st to me,
Will waste, as this flea's death took life from thee.

You will notice that both stanzas two and three start with a half rhyme. If it was good enough for Donne, its good enough for Loft. Not sure what position he played though.

 

[wadhurstseagull]

By the way - this is the best poem about trying to get a person of the opposite sex to shag you ever written.

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

The Philosopher's Drinking Song

Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
who was very rarely stable.
Heidegger was a boozy beggar
who could think you under the table.
David Hume could out consume
Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel,
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
who was just as sloshed as Schlegel.

There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya
'bout the raisin' of the wrist.
Socrates himself was permanently pissed.

John Stuart Mill, of his own free will,
after half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.
Plato, they say, could stick it away,
'alf a crate of whiskey every day!
Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle,
and Hobbes was fond of his Dram.
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart:
"I drink, therefore I am."

Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed;
A lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he's pissed.

-- Monty Python

 

[wadhurstseagull]

"Does anybody know the date of World war 3,
I'd like to know 'cos I've got to book my holiday."

Topical half rhyme.