Poor quality joke

[Questions]

After having their 11th child, a Liverpool couple decided that was enough, as the social wouldn't buy them a bigger bed and they weren't strong enough to nick one.
The husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.
The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem but it was expensive.
A less costly alternative was to go home, get a firework, light it,put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.
The Scouser said to the doctor, 'I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.'
'Trust me, it will do the job', said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a banger and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count: '1, 2, 3, 4, 5,' at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand.
This procedure also works in Croydon, parts of Greater Manchester and anywhere in Wales.

 

[Simster]

 

[Shegull]

I actually thought that was quite good

 

[Frutos]

Much like Paolo Maldini, it's old but still good.

 

[Norman Potting]

That one was medium quality at least - would it work with someone in Hastings?

 

[Vatican Citys No.2 Keeper]

I actually thought that was quite good

Agreed

 

[Hatterlovesbrighton]

best post from questions ever, still thats not saying much

 

[John Dorian]

That one was medium quality at least - would it work with someone in Hastings?

I'm from Hastings...and yes, it did !!!

 

[Badger]

For a NSC joke, I thought that was quality.

 

[Cheeky Monkey]

best post from questions ever, still thats not saying much

Nice

 

[Stinkers Bridge]

What brand of beer can was it?

 

[REDLAND]

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber, who responded, “Why would anyone want to go there. Its crowded and dirty and full of Italians. You’re crazy to go to Rome.So, how are you getting there?”

“We’re taking TWA,” was the reply. “We got a great rate!”

“TWA!” exclaimed the barber. “That’s a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they’re always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?”

“We’ll be at the downtown International Marriott.”

“That dump! That’s the worst hotel in Rome, The rooms are small, the service is surly and they’re overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?”

“We’re going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope.”

“That’s rich,” laughed the barber. “You and a million other people trying to see him. He’ll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You’re going to need it!”

A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut. The barber asked him about his trip to Rome.

“It was wonderful,” explained the man, “not only were we on time in one of TWA’s brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28-year-old stewardess who waited on me hand and foot.

And the hotel! Well, it was great! They’d just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now it’s the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!”

“Well,” muttered the barber, “I know you didn’t get to see the pope.”

“Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I’d be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the pope walked in. As I knelt down he spoke a few words to me.”

“What’d he say?”

He said, “Where’d you get that shitty haircut?”

:rubbish:

 

[Simster]

:quite amusing:

 

[Willow]

What brand of beer can was it?

Good point. A standard beer can would most likely contain the explosion of a banger, thereby leaving his tackle unhindered.

 

[pasty]

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber, who responded, “Why would anyone want to go there. Its crowded and dirty and full of Italians. You’re crazy to go to Rome.So, how are you getting there?”

“We’re taking TWA,” was the reply. “We got a great rate!”

“TWA!” exclaimed the barber. “That’s a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they’re always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?”

“We’ll be at the downtown International Marriott.”

“That dump! That’s the worst hotel in Rome, The rooms are small, the service is surly and they’re overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?”

“We’re going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope.”

“That’s rich,” laughed the barber. “You and a million other people trying to see him. He’ll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You’re going to need it!”

A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut. The barber asked him about his trip to Rome.

“It was wonderful,” explained the man, “not only were we on time in one of TWA’s brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28-year-old stewardess who waited on me hand and foot.

And the hotel! Well, it was great! They’d just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now it’s the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!”

“Well,” muttered the barber, “I know you didn’t get to see the pope.”

“Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I’d be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the pope walked in. As I knelt down he spoke a few words to me.”

“What’d he say?”

He said, “Where’d you get that shitty haircut?”

:rubbish:

Similar to.....

A man was visiting the Vatican hoping to see the Pope. Every day he joined the crowds as the Pope went on a walkabout. On the first day the Pope stopped by a bloke wearing a Palace shirt, then walked passed the man. The second day, the guy in the Palace shirt was there again, and again the Pope spoke to the Palace fan but passed him by. This went on every day for week, the Pope speaking to the Palace fan but ignoring him. Eventually he though the only way to speak to the the Pope was to buy a Palace shirt, so he did. Next day he went along again, and sure enough as soon as the Pope spotted him wearing a Palace shirt he came over to him. The Pope knealt by his side and gently whispered in his ear "How many more times do I have to tell you, f*** off you Palace bastard"

 

[Cian]

Only fault with that is - why the hell would any sports shop in Rome sell P*l*ce shirts?

 

[pasty]

Only fault with that is - why the hell would any sports shop in Rome sell P*l*ce shirts?

A man was visiting the Vatican hoping to see the Pope. Every day he joined the crowds as the Pope went on a walkabout. On the first day the Pope stopped by a bloke wearing a Palace shirt, then walked passed the man. The second day, the guy in the Palace shirt was there again, and again the Pope spoke to the Palace fan but passed him by. This went on every day for week, the Pope speaking to the Palace fan but ignoring him. Eventually he though the only way to speak to the the Pope was to get a Palace shirt, so he asked the Palace fan if he could borrow his the next day. Next day he went along again, and sure enough as soon as the Pope spotted him wearing a Palace shirt he came over to him. The Pope knealt by his side and gently whispered in his ear "How many more times do I have to tell you, f*** off you Palace bastard"

Happy ?

 

[Cian]

Yeah, much better