OT Help/Advice needed for Marriage Break up

[BIRCHYBOY27]

Hi all,
My and my wife are separating and was just seeing if any NSCers can assist/advise at all.
Married for 4 years, no kids, one stepson, lived in the marital home for 8 years. We have decided that we want to try and sort this out ourselves and avoid costly solicitors, I've agree that she can have all the items in the house at present I am living at my Mum & Dad's until I have enough money to move.
The problem is I said that I need some sort of financial pay off for all the years of contributing but she has come back with a really small offer which I have refused. So where do I stand? I know there are many different levels but if anyone could any advice that would be really helpful. Just pm me.
Thanks

 

[juliant]

My advice is go see a solicitor. It may cost more now than you want to spend but it will be worth it in the end. Its vital both parties have a law abiding agreement. I was hell bent on doing the same as you to keep costs down but knowing what I know now im glad I got professional advice and a divorce agreement that I was happy with.

Been there done it still paying her off good luck fella !

 

[HantsSeagull]

you can go see a solicitor for an hour and get some general advice - £200.
Probably wise.

Not sure what you are asking her for - some equity from the house?

 

[BIRCHYBOY27]

Yes it will be equity from the house. I don't want to be greedy just what's fair to me.

 

[Westdene Seagull]

As per the other divorce thread that suddenly disappeared, I'd suggest trying to avoid solicitors - there will only be two winners and it won't be you or your soon to be ex-wife ! Mediation to draw up a separation agreement will be much cheaper. I used these people - http://www.fmisltd.co.uk/ - it cost £175 a session when I did it and it took 3 sessions to draw up the agreement ( and fo me that included two children ).

 

[sully]

As per the other divorce thread that suddenly disappeared, I'd suggest trying to avoid solicitors - there will only be two winners and it won't be you or your soon to be ex-wife ! Mediation to draw up a separation agreement will be much cheaper. I used these people - http://www.fmisltd.co.uk/ - it cost £175 a session when I did it and it took 3 sessions to draw up the agreement ( and fo me that included two children ).

Rather depends on the willingness of both parties.

Mediation got me nowhere near a financial agreement. Obviously not me that was being awkward.

It's easy to say avoid solicitors, but they're actually very useful if used correctly and not given a free rein. It's also always said by those who didn't have difficult issues to resolve. My solicitor pushed the ex into mediation, but she was always unwilling.

 

[Uh_huh_him]

As per the other divorce thread that suddenly disappeared, I'd suggest trying to avoid solicitors - there will only be two winners and it won't be you or your soon to be ex-wife ! Mediation to draw up a separation agreement will be much cheaper. I used these people - http://www.fmisltd.co.uk/ - it cost £175 a session when I did it and it took 3 sessions to draw up the agreement ( and fo me that included two children ).

Wish I'd done this. My Divorce cost me the best part of £10k.
Definitely try mediation first.

As regards your rights to money from the property,I believe you will be advised that you will have to wait until the stepson no longer needs to be housed.
Your ex will be able to claim that she can't release any equity to you until the child no longer needs the property. She is likely to win on this point. You will need to agree a date which is reasonable to you both..
You may also be expected to continue to pay a hefty chunk of the mortgage until that date.

Good luck... I hope it goes as smoothly as possible for you.

 

[BRIGHT ON Q]

do online consent order, £150 , very easy.

 

[nwgull]

See a solicitor. They will give you a first 30 min consultation for free. It only becomes costly when you can't agree a financial settlement between the two parties and it has to go to court. Whilst this may sound possible to do between the two of you, you'll benefit from legal guidance to have a financial settlement formalised and the sort of stuff that you can reasonably expect to claim. You'll save yourself money in the long run.

What is the situation regarding the house? Did she initially own it and have you been paying towards it for a time? Or was it a 50/50 purchase with equal contribution to deposit and mortgage?

Also, have you adopted the step son?

 

[BIRCHYBOY27]

See a solicitor. They will give you a first 30 min consultation for free. It only becomes costly when you can't agree a financial settlement between the two parties and it has to go to court. Whilst this may sound possible to do between the two of you, you'll benefit from legal guidance to have a financial settlement formalised and the sort of stuff that you can reasonably expect to claim. You'll save yourself money in the long run.

What is the situation regarding the house? Did she initially own it and have you been paying towards it for a time? Or was it a 50/50 purchase with equal contribution to deposit and mortgage?

Also, have you adopted the step son?

Hi she owned the house when I moved in and I have been paying towards it. The Stepson I haven't adopted, he still sees his dad and he pays maintenance for him to my soon to be ex.

 

[happypig]

Hi she owned the house when I moved in and I have been paying towards it. The Stepson I haven't adopted, he still sees his dad and he pays maintenance for him to my soon to be ex.

As I understand it (I am not a lawyer) you would be entitled to a share of the increase in the value of the house, proportional to what you have contributed (contributions are not only financial). However, as there's a dependant child living there, this could well be "locked in" until the child reaches 18.
You need to get some figures, then see if your ex is willing to negotiate; it may be that she would be happy to give you a percentage of something now and be unencumbered, rather than have a lot of potential debt around her neck for years.

 

[AlastairWatts]

As I've managed to divorce twice I'd certainly recommend you see a solicitor. What might seem amicable now will, I promise you, eventually turn nasty: nothing like money to send an ex-wife off into orbit! Much much better to get it all legally tied up before it all goes sour. No guilt feelings either - I foolishly gave the first ex-wife our house - last year it was sold for just over £660,000! May I offer a further word of caution? - don't have any guilt feelings whatsoever about the child. Kids are amazingly resilient and will soon forget all about this. Good luck...

 

[fat old seagull]

Use the Kruger system....
One partner splits the estate into two lots.
The other partner has first choice.

If she doesn't agree to do that, she's obviously looking to be greedy.

 

[nwgull]

Hi she owned the house when I moved in and I have been paying towards it. The Stepson I haven't adopted, he still sees his dad and he pays maintenance for him to my soon to be ex.

My understanding on the house is that, if you've been contributing 50/50, you're entitled to half of the equity increase since you first moved in. This includes capital payments on the mortgage made as well as the increase in market value in this time, so estimates will need to be made on its value now and when you moved in. You can use something like the Land Registry or Nationwide building society house price index; although a bit of give and take might be needed. A solicitor will confirm my understanding for you; also, if she gets legal guidance, her solicitor should confirm that this is the way things tend to work and that it's not worth fighting you for.

The fact that you're not the legal dad of her son makes things a little easier and less expensive for you.

Good bit of advice above about making the assumption that, although it's currently amicable, it's likely to get a bit bitter, especially with ££ involved. Don't be nasty for the sake of it but don't be chivalrous either by letting her have ownership of more than her fair share of joint property because she is a woman with a son - he is someone else's financial responsibility. Being nice will get you nothing but trodden on, and it sounds like you've already given away a lot by letting her keep all the stuff in the house.

 

[WATFORD zero]

Not got any experience, but from reading replies on here it looks to me like the mediation would be a good start considering the cost would be minimal. You could possibly agree a formula for the house based on a couple of the suggestions here (50% of the reduction in mortgage capital + 50% of any increase in the value of the house). Then you may be able to get a couple of estimates each from reputable sources.

I wouldn't be surprised if the total isn't huge given what has happened with the housing market over the last 8 years. (I'm no expert, but a quick google search)



Good luck

 

[Arthritic Toe]

As I commented on the other similar thread - I would strongly advise NOT to see a solicitor except as a very last resort. They are phenomenally expensive. Instead get all the free advice you can from the web and organisations like Citizen's advice to try and get it clear in your own mind what a fair settlement would be. It's difficult, but you need to try and make your own judgement, supported by all the independent information you can gather, as to what a fair settlement would be. If you see a solicitor, they will (in my experience) give you a vastly over-inflated view of your likely settlement in order to win your business. Once you have a clear 'independent' view of a likely fair settlement, you need to try and sell it to your ex - mediation may help with this if you are both willing to give it a try.

Edit: Regarding some of the other posts - the point about things being amicable now but may not be in the future, so you must protect yourself etc etc is very true, but this does NOT mean you have to use a solicitor. Once you have reached agreement, it is just a matter of having a Consent Order correctly prepared which is then approved by the court. Online services can do this for about £150 or most mediation services will do it for a similar fixed price.

 

[nwgull]

As I commented on the other similar thread - I would strongly advise NOT to see a solicitor except as a very last resort. They are phenomenally expensive. Instead get all the free advice you can from the web and organisations like Citizen's advice to try and get it clear in your own mind what a fair settlement would be. It's difficult, but you need to try and make your own judgement, supported by all the independent information you can gather, as to what a fair settlement would be. If you see a solicitor, they will (in my experience) give you a vastly over-inflated view of your likely settlement in order to win your business. Once you have a clear 'independent' view of a likely fair settlement, you need to try and sell it to your ex - mediation may help with this if you are both willing to give it a try.

Edit: Regarding some of the other posts - the point about things being amicable now but may not be in the future, so you must protect yourself etc etc is very true, but this does NOT mean you have to use a solicitor. Once you have reached agreement, it is just a matter of having a Consent Order correctly prepared which is then approved by the court. Online services can do this for about £150 or most mediation services will do it for a similar fixed price.

I disagree with this, but it's only based on my experience with a very professional and honest solicitor - there's no guarantee that they're all like this. His hourly rate was high - something like £200 - however, he didn't take the piss with chargeable time and the charge for his services over the course of about 2-3 months came to less than £1000, and he saved me well over that amount with the advice he gave about how finances etc. are normally split.

 

[sully]

I disagree with this, but it's only based on my experience with a very professional and honest solicitor - there's no guarantee that they're all like this. His hourly rate was high - something like £200 - however, he didn't take the piss with chargeable time and the charge for his services over the course of about 2-3 months came to less than £1000, and he saved me well over that amount with the advice he gave about how finances etc. are normally split.

I'm in agreemen wth this point of view as well. In fact, I felt at the end of it all that I hadn' been charged as much as I had expected for the amount of input I got from the solicitor.

 

[Chicken Runner61]

When my divorce started a wise old sage said tell her she can have whatever she wants so long as you can have the same......

They can't argue with that - but they will try

 

[Justice]

Hi she owned the house when I moved in and I have been paying towards it. The Stepson I haven't adopted, he still sees his dad and he pays maintenance for him to my soon to be ex.

It's only money you can always make some more.