jimmy hill's chin
New member
- Jul 5, 2003
- 230
well what can i say apart from what a huge dissapointment cant belive i wasted time and money goin to see it the ony thing that kept me watching was the lord bracknell look-alike
o/t the hulk
- Thread starter jimmy hill's chin
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Braders
Abi Fletchers Gimpboy
has anyone seen spiderman , if so is it any good?
jimmy hill's chin
New member
- Jul 5, 2003
- 230
- Thread starter
- #6
im not goin to the cinema till this man comes
Braders
Abi Fletchers Gimpboy
the new itiallian job looks poo!
Highfields Seagull
Well-known member
T3 - should be great.
Why do we need a new Italian Job?
Why do we need a new Italian Job?
Meade's Ball
Well-known member
dwayne said:
Dwayne, read this review of the Italian Job. I think i'll trust it.
What a f***ing big-budgeted snore, a movie filled with so much predictable action that it's impossible to care. The Italian Job stars many of Hollywood's most uninteresting stars: the charisma-free Mark Wahlberg whose face looks more pinched than an infant in an Alzheimer's Ward; the too-boring-to-lust-after Charlize Theron, who gives her performances the zip and sizzle of a K-Mart circular; and the always whiny Edward Norton. For comic relief, the makers even brought in the unimaginative man's Steve Zahn, Seth Green. He's, surprise, surprise, a computer-whiz/doofus who can't get laid. Seriously. That's the low level of originality running through this horseshit.
The men (sans Theron) heist $35 million in gold from Venice, Italy, but before the day is done, Norton double-crosses his compadres, kills Wahlberg's father-figure Donald Sutherland and leaves the rest for dead. Of course, they survive or there'd be no movie. f***, I wish they had died.
A year later, Wahlberg learns of Norton's whereabouts and wants to steal the gold back. Not for the money, you see, but to teach Norton a lesson. Honor among thieves and all. To steal it, he needs a master safecracker. Enter Theron, Sutherland's daughter, who cracks safes as well as her father. Except, naturally she has a heart of gold and only does it for the police. She's still grieving for her father, and agrees to join the heist only so she can "see the look on (Norton's) face."
To make a long story short, after a long and boring series of arbitrary obstacles are put in the way, Wahlberg and company steal the gold back in a daring, action-packed climax that includes a car chase, explosives and a "surprise" double-cross. Holy shit, they even have the obligatory car chase through the dry Los Angeles River bed. The movie is probably enough to surprise or excite Eskimos living in remote villages. For me, not being Eskimo, it's a big f***ing turd.
The movie religiously adheres to the heist-movie formula so religiously that no air gets in. The characters are all standard: the cool revenge-minded leader who, of course, falls in love with the beautiful girl; the computer-geek comic relief; the blandly hip black guy; the pretty girl who might as well be wallpaper; the weaselly bad guy who kills when nobody else does. The Italian Job actually goes out of its way to make sure there's nothing original, no twists, no surprises and no jokes we haven't seen and heard before. To its credit, it does it efficiently, so you hardly notice. At least not until you've left the theater and try to remember any details.
What's most disturbing is how crappy the characterizations are. They are the lazy shorthand of moviemakers who only know what they see. But, what's so f***ing bad is that they know we've seen all this before and just sort of give everything the short shrift, like saying, "He's a crook with honor, blah, blah, blahÖ" Why in the f*** should we care about whether Mark Wahlberg gets his gold? He's a thief with the charm of a State Farm Insurance agent? He has absolutely nothing else going for him; no history and no personality beyond what is mandated to get the story to a car chase. Theron is the other one we're supposed to root for, but who gives a burning piss for a crybaby whose only way of dealing with grief is by teaming up with crooks. She's not deep enough to give a shit about. And I sure as hell ain't cheering for yet another whiz-bang computer nerd whose whole job is to magically fill in plot holes the scriptwriters couldn't figure out.
It's a well-made bad movie. It's efficient and has confidence in its blandness. It's loud and brash enough to be confused for cool. But those are the characteristics that frat guys use to win the hearts of insecure sorority girls, not what I pay eight bucks for. Two Fingers for The Italian Job.
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Banned
The T-X is sooooo fit 
Meade's Ball
Well-known member
Those reviews are mixed Dwayne, but i see what you're getting at.
For me, Hollywood films are invariably terrible because their aim is largest profit. Why would i be interested in that? Its possible to argue that that has always been the case and that the business of show-business is the key element. But, in the earlier days of film, risks were taken and those that saw cinema as an art form were the men that made the studios some money.
Now we have people churning things out as quickly as possible with as many explosions as possible. Even the action films lack the class of a Predator or original Terminator because the system simply will not allow it. We mustn't stray from the formula Dwayne.
This situation saddens me because i absolutely love cinema. This is a barren-age and i've seen only one Hollywood film in the past 5 years or so that has pleased me. Donnie Darko. Other than that, i get no joy out of it anymore.
Sorry. I'm babbling.
When does Family Fortunes start?
For me, Hollywood films are invariably terrible because their aim is largest profit. Why would i be interested in that? Its possible to argue that that has always been the case and that the business of show-business is the key element. But, in the earlier days of film, risks were taken and those that saw cinema as an art form were the men that made the studios some money.
Now we have people churning things out as quickly as possible with as many explosions as possible. Even the action films lack the class of a Predator or original Terminator because the system simply will not allow it. We mustn't stray from the formula Dwayne.
This situation saddens me because i absolutely love cinema. This is a barren-age and i've seen only one Hollywood film in the past 5 years or so that has pleased me. Donnie Darko. Other than that, i get no joy out of it anymore.
Sorry. I'm babbling.
When does Family Fortunes start?
Brixtaan
New member
American and called the Italian Job? it's got shit written all over it.
I have big hopes for T3.If this is bad it could mean the end of the sequel phenomenan.Hollywood is already questioning them after some of the shite recently, esp Matrix, Star Wars etc
I have big hopes for T3.If this is bad it could mean the end of the sequel phenomenan.Hollywood is already questioning them after some of the shite recently, esp Matrix, Star Wars etc
Brixtaan
New member
Clever.
Meade's Ball
Well-known member
The problem seems to be this whole franchise concept. That removes any notion of art and pushes us toward finance each time. I don't like popcorn and i don't want to disappear into the dark for two hours only to come out having remembered nothing. I could get some mushrooms in and do that instead.
*Seethe*
*Seethe*