My 10-point plan for Wimbledon coverage to make it relevant

[tinx]

Improve Womens tennis with Biknis as the dress code

 

[north stand seagull]

13) When someone hits an incredible passing shot they have to play the darts theme song over the PA system.

Definitely this

 

[Hiney]

Every time a female player grunts as she makes a shot, she should have to remove an item of clothing

 

[jackanada]

1. Allow sledging.
2. Get the clitterati in to be ball girls.
3. If the score reaches 6-6 in the fifth set the match is settled by a fight.

 

[Badger]

Virginia Wade is not pleasant to look at or listen to, she shouldn't be allowed anywhere near broadcasting.

Introduce some kind of multi-ball system to make women's tennis less dull.

 

[Simster]

Pay the women half as much as the men.

 

[Badger]

Pay the women half as much as the men.

Surely 3/5 as much would make more sense.

 

[Grendel]

The players should ride horses and the ball-boys should be replaced by midgets dressed as circus performers.

 

[Tooting Gull]

Pay the women half as much as the men.

Players AND presenters?

 

[Simster]

Players AND presenters?

Yes. If the presenters want more money, they should be spending less time talking about the weather and the royal box.







And more time on the golf course with their gravy train buddies like the football chaps do.

 

[Simster]

Surely 3/5 as much would make more sense.

If we're going to be picky, then 5/8 would be fairest, seeing as the average match lasts 2.5 sets in women's tennis and 4 sets in the mens.

But half would be so much funnier.

 

[Worthingite]

Replace the grass with a bouncy castle. That'll f*** 'em

 

[Stat Brother]

10) Ask some proper questions about how LTA has wasted all the millions it gets.

Have they wasted it?

I imagine there's some incredibly well lined pockets, out there, that would disagree.

 

[Hyperion]

Replace the grass with a bouncy castle. That'll f*** 'em

Deep sludge would be an idea as well

 

[Trufflehound]

Cover the court in 'It's a Knockout' style grease, dress all the players up in giant foam leprechaun suits and have Stuart Hall doing the commentary.

Tie-breaks to be replaced with a 'mini marathon' introduced by Eddie Waring.

 

[Badger]

If we're going to be picky, then 5/8 would be fairest, seeing as the average match lasts 2.5 sets in women's tennis and 4 sets in the mens.

But half would be so much funnier.

Indeed, perhaps there could be some kind of entertainment ranking given to each match and enumeration could be adjusted accordingly. For example Serena Williams smashing some no hope wildcard 6-1 6-0 would get 2/10.

 

[Tooting Gull]

Have they wasted it?

I imagine there's some incredibly well lined pockets, out there, that would disagree.

I'm sure you're right. They received a record £70 million last year - while the number of people regularly playing hit a record LOW.

Chuck in club elitism, a lack of playing facilities, some of the most expensive charges in the world, and they have presided over an embarrassing shambles.

I saw in the 1930s there were four times as many courts, and 1,000 more clubs (all been sold off for development since). This is the backdrop from where Fred Perry, who certainly wasn't privileged, emerged for his success.

If I'd been spending that sort of money for 20 years (far more than the likes of Serbia, Croatia etc), I would GUARANTEE having five players in the top 150. We have one in the top 172 for the men.

 

[Stat Brother]

I'm sure you're right. They received a record £70 million last year - while the number of people regularly playing hit a record LOW.

Chuck in club elitism, a lack of playing facilities, some of the most expensive charges in the world, and they have presided over an embarrassing shambles.

I saw in the 1930s there were four times as many courts, and 1,000 more clubs (all been sold off for development since). This is the backdrop from where Fred Perry, who certainly wasn't privileged, emerged for his success.

If I'd been spending that sort of money for 20 years (far more than the likes of Serbia, Croatia etc), I would GUARANTEE having five players in the top 150. We have one in the top 172 for the men.

That nicely dove tails the conversations I've been having regarding the men's 100 metres.

 

[Tooting Gull]

Meanwhile, back on Centre patriotism is running amok. I just saw a menopausal woman waving a Union Jack.

 

[Scampi]

Introduce some kind of multi-ball system to make women's tennis less dull.

Hey why not add some bumpers, ramps and targets as well and change the scoring, you know Venus has won her service game by10,765,410 to love.