Gilliver's Travels
Peripatetic
The entire soccer world was rocked to its foundations today when so-called manager Mark McGhee confessed that his Brighton and Hove Albion team have not been blessed by the Almighty with an automatic right to win every game.
The revelation was taken badly. "Nobody told me it was gonna be like be like this," wailed a caller to Ian Hart's award-winning ‘Care in the Community’ phone-in. "I thought it would be like Chelsea on the telly, where they beat everyone all the time. My mates are all Arsenal fans, and they're going to take the piss. It'll get even worse once I start at big boys’ school."
A top mathematician and soccer expert has demonstrated that, in order for games of football to be settled, and to avoid the possibility of all clubs finishing the season on exactly the same number of points, it is actually necessary for teams to beat one another from time to time. He went on, "This kind of behaviour is perfectly normal. Sometimes a team wins, other times they lose. But that doesn't necessarily mean that the players are ‘unfit to wear the stripes’ or ‘the worst since 1935’. Nor even that the manager is an incompetent slug who should be dismissed without a chance to finish his post-match press conference tea."
Explaining why he was not now going to Crystal Palace, legendary NSC poster Kev the Blubber commented: "When we walloped Plymouth I knew we were gonna make the play-offs, if not automatic. But after this week's loss - against Cardiff, FFS - everyone knows we're going down and the entire team are a fecking disgrace. If it carries on like this, I'm going back to my Playstation."
Ron McGhee is 59.
(with apologies to Lord Gnome)
The revelation was taken badly. "Nobody told me it was gonna be like be like this," wailed a caller to Ian Hart's award-winning ‘Care in the Community’ phone-in. "I thought it would be like Chelsea on the telly, where they beat everyone all the time. My mates are all Arsenal fans, and they're going to take the piss. It'll get even worse once I start at big boys’ school."
A top mathematician and soccer expert has demonstrated that, in order for games of football to be settled, and to avoid the possibility of all clubs finishing the season on exactly the same number of points, it is actually necessary for teams to beat one another from time to time. He went on, "This kind of behaviour is perfectly normal. Sometimes a team wins, other times they lose. But that doesn't necessarily mean that the players are ‘unfit to wear the stripes’ or ‘the worst since 1935’. Nor even that the manager is an incompetent slug who should be dismissed without a chance to finish his post-match press conference tea."
Explaining why he was not now going to Crystal Palace, legendary NSC poster Kev the Blubber commented: "When we walloped Plymouth I knew we were gonna make the play-offs, if not automatic. But after this week's loss - against Cardiff, FFS - everyone knows we're going down and the entire team are a fecking disgrace. If it carries on like this, I'm going back to my Playstation."
Ron McGhee is 59.
(with apologies to Lord Gnome)
