[Help] Little Help Please: What Time Should A 5 Or 6 Year Old Kid Go To Bed At?

[Weststander]

As others have said, for many reasons a child that age needs a minimum 10 hours of quality sleep. Parents are the arbiters, failure to control the situation will affect the child’s heath and progress at school. Setting in train bad sleep habits for the long term. It would be irresponsible parenting to allow woefully inadequate sleep.

Our son through all the child ages had a couple of mates who’s spoiling parents allowed them to game until the early hours on school nights. The boys always looked knackered, they were knackered, dozing in a class wasn’t uncommon, they were always strugglers academically. Perhaps they would’ve always struggled at school anyway, but sending them in after half a night’s sleep was crap parenting.

 

[marlowe]

There is the possibility that he is reading her the bedtime story as a means of trying to get her to sleep, as opposed to keeping her up in order to read to her. He may have tried to put her to bed earlier but she has trouble sleeping.

She has also probably been emotionally affected by her parents' divorce which may be having an affect on her sleep pattern.

You could always try and find out a bit more from him first hand in a casual, non-probing manner, possibly introducing the obvious delicate and personal subject matter via the medium of banter so you don't come across as an interfering busy body, which will only put him on the defensive and engender hostility.

You could possibly make a joke about the floors being thin and how you enjoyed the bedtime story last night. He then might open up and reveal any problems he might be having regarding getting her to settle. You could also pretend that you had similar problems with your own children so he won't feel he is being judged or criticised which might also make him more ready to open up.

 

[wellquickwoody]

I get it totally, who are you to judge how other parents deal with their children ?

You are on the wrong track here BH. Is it Ok if the child is caned regularly? Is it OK to send the child to school without food in its belly? Is it OK to make the 5/6 year do all of the housework? People regularly take an interest in other peoples kids, and thank god that they do in some cases.

1.30am does seem ridiculously late for a child of that age who has school in the morning. Maybe the parent could do with some support?

 

[Barnet Seagull]

My two 5,6 are in bed by 7.45 but can be awake very late. Was helping my youngest get back to sleep at 1.30 this morning, He was wide awake at the time. Things are worse when they've fallen asleep in the afternoon or are ill.

I also know some good parents who during the school holidays let their children decide when to go to sleep and they say this also works well. Not my thing though.




Sent from my SM-G973F using Tapatalk

 

[Icy Gull]

Should I be concerned? Should I ALERT somebody?

OK, hands on the table, my upstairs neighbour is on the face of it a fairly harmless fvrk-up. Regularly floods my flat from with idiotic water seepage from above. Oh, and the canute runs a 3D printer 24/7 in an old Victorian house where it's silent to him but sounds like fairly loud 24/7 drum'n'bass shite to me downstairs.

Fair enough, I can live with that. Certainly an improvement on the previous **** who is currently up on an attempted murder charge of a RSCH employee.

But enough of all that. My question is: is it reasonable, or even sane, to keep a five/six year old up til 1am on a regular basis? Last night he was reading (in a booming oblivious to anything else voice) the little 'un a bedtime story at 1.30 in her bedroom which is directly above my bedroom.

As a many moons ago divorced dad of little kids, I sort of feel his pain up to a point. But keeping his little un up to 1.30am to read her a bedtime story? Don't sit quite right with me. Any advice appreciated. Ta.

Is this a regular occurrence? If it is I’d agree with you, it doesn’t sound like great parenting but we all do things in the way we feel best and it doesn’t make others choices wrong. FWIW we normally tried to have our kids in bed by around 7, sometimes they went straight to sleep, other times they were still awake when we went to bed. Hard to give definitive answer without knowing more. Maybe the printer keeps the kid awake too

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Is this a regular occurrence? If it is I’d agree with you, it doesn’t sound like great parenting but we all do things in the way we feel best and it doesn’t make others choices wrong. FWIW we normally tried to have our kids in bed by around 7, sometimes they went straight to sleep, other times they were still awake when we went to bed. Hard to give definitive answer without knowing more. Maybe the printer keeps the kid awake too

It's just about every night she stays at his flat, which I guess is probably about two thirds of the time. I'm not exactly early to bed myself but it's rare he puts her down for the night before 1am. I guess as a newly divorced dad its natural on one level to want to spend as much quality time with his little un as possible. He clearly dotes on her, and she seems happy enough, but 1am just seems maybe not that beneficial, especially on a school night. But like you say, we all do things in the way we feel best

 

[Live by the sea]

My two 5,6 are in bed by 7.45 but can be awake very late. Was helping my youngest get back to sleep at 1.30 this morning, He was wide awake at the time. Things are worse when they've fallen asleep in the afternoon or are ill.

I also know some good parents who during the school holidays let their children decide when to go to sleep and they say this also works well. Not my thing though.


I’m sorry no good parents as you put it should allow a 7 year old or any child up to the age of 15 to decide what time they should go to sleep . That is not good parenting not even for the lefty liberal brigade.

 

[Blue3]

Poor parenting sounds as though the child is dictating the pace in my opinion children of ages 6 to 7 need a snack upon leaving school then an hours play or regular organised exercise, half an hours home tuition a nightly bath or shower a story and to be asleep by 19:00.

Routines are the key setting boundaries and reviewing these as the child grows and develops while meals should preferably follow the natural rhythm of ages gone by and not the more recent rhythm of work/life demands it is not having the biggest meal of the day in the evening instead a good even substantial breakfast , a regular lunchtime cooked meal and a light early evening meal.

With regards the family next door they obviously have a diffrent parenting method

None of us are perfect parents we have little or no training we tend to muddle along doing the best we can

 

[ATFC Seagull]

As others have said, it definitely is your business as a neighbor to spot any POTENTIAL signs of neglect. Letting a 5 year old stay up until 1.30am could be that.

HOWEVER, as others have also said - do you know that the dad is letting the kid stay up that late? Is it clear that there hasn't been a bedtime earlier? Kids can wake up at strange hours and make all sorts of a racket. I often wonder what neighbours without kids must make of mine sometime.

Sent from my ANE-LX1 using Tapatalk

 

[Couldn't Be Hyypia]

"While there is no hard and fast rule, the general guide is toddlers need around 12 hours of sleep a night; children aged three to six – 10-12 hours; seven-12 years olds – 10-11 hours; and teenagers – around eight to nine hours.

This means that a seven year old, who wakes at 7am, should ideally be in bed between 7pm and 9pm. For some a 7pm bedtime may not be realistic, especially if you’re a working parent who doesn’t get home until 6pm and needs to prepare dinner, check homework and sort bath and bedtimes as well as having some quality family time! However, it’s not impossible.

When my son was five, he was upstairs by 7pm ready for quiet time. We spent time reading (that’s our quality family time – talking about our day and reading a book before bed) and he was often asleep by 7.30pm. He’s now 8 years old and he is more likely to be upstairs for 8pm ready for quiet time, with a bedtime of around 8.30pm. Don’t get me wrong, we are not rigid with this. Some days my youngest asks to go to bed earlier, some days it’s gone 9pm by time we’re getting him to sleep but generally on the whole we stick to this routine (even at weekends) as he tends to wake between 6.45 and 7.30am regardless of what time he goes to bed. Our weekends are when we spend quality family time and also catch up on any homework.

We spoke to Vicki Dawson of The Children’s Sleep Charity who said: “Sleep is so important in order to ensure that children can meet their full potential in every aspect of their lives. It can be helpful to have an awareness of roughly how much sleep a child needs but we do need to consider that all children are individuals. A good bedtime is really helpful in order to plan the evening routine and fit in quality family time.”

What’s interesting is that teachers can tell which pupils are well-rested and ready for the day ahead, and which are not. Also, parents don’t seem to realise how sleep deprived their children are during the day and how it affects their behaviour and performance at school.

We surveyed teachers a few years ago and we were shocked to find that nearly a quarter (24%) of the teachers questioned admitted that they had had to resort to letting children who are very tired sleep in a corner of the classroom. For two thirds of teachers (65%) the problem is so serious they consider that the long term progress of their pupils can be affected while nearly half (48%) said lack of sleep made children unruly and badly behaved.

Some kids can function well on less sleep than others. It’s not set in stone but advises parents on roughly what sort of sleep patterns children of different ages need – many parents don’t actually know. A study we did in 2009 showed that 48% of parents with children under 5 didn’t know that a 3 year old needs 12 hours sleep a night, 33% didn’t know that 6-12 year olds needs 10 hours sleep and 39% didn’t know that teens need 8-9 hours a night."

https://sleepcouncil.org.uk/how-much-sleep-does-my-child-need/

As ever on nsc, amongst the squabbling and point scoring, a superb considered and helpful response of the highest order. Very interesting link.

Sent from my SM-G950F using Tapatalk

 

[Chicken Run]

Should I be concerned? Should I ALERT somebody?

OK, hands on the table, my upstairs neighbour is on the face of it a fairly harmless fvrk-up. Regularly floods my flat from with idiotic water seepage from above. Oh, and the canute runs a 3D printer 24/7 in an old Victorian house where it's silent to him but sounds like fairly loud 24/7 drum'n'bass shite to me downstairs.

Fair enough, I can live with that. Certainly an improvement on the previous **** who is currently up on an attempted murder charge of a RSCH employee.

But enough of all that. My question is: is it reasonable, or even sane, to keep a five/six year old up til 1am on a regular basis? Last night he was reading (in a booming oblivious to anything else voice) the little 'un a bedtime story at 1.30 in her bedroom which is directly above my bedroom.

As a many moons ago divorced dad of little kids, I sort of feel his pain up to a point. But keeping his little un up to 1.30am to read her a bedtime story? Don't sit quite right with me. Any advice appreciated. Ta.

When mine were that age it was in bed by 7:30, I couldn’t stand living under that, you are clearly more forgiving than me!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

 

[Chicken Run]

Always had you down as being a decent level-headed kind of fellow. And 99% of the time in my experience, and doubtless just about everybody else's experience also, that has always been the case. But have to say your contibutions to this thread have been been consistently absurd. I genuinely don't get where you're coming from on this one.

All I really wanted to know is if it's normal for a clearly eccentric, recently divorced dad to be reading his 6 year old little 'un bedtime stories at 1am, then yelling at her to get out of bed a few hours later. Was hoping from some useful feedback/advice from somebody in that line of work. Which clearly isn't you

I think Beechy is grumpy because he can’t go to the West Country and visit his nephew?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

 

[Billy the Fish]

As soon as I saw the thread title I knew at least one person on here would allude to child abuse.

It's not in page 1 of the good parenting handbook by any means but it doesn't mean there's cause for concern. If the ceilings are that thin you'd hear if anything bad was happening.
If there is a problem with tiredness then the girl's teachers will know, they're trained to look for signs of anything wrong so I doubt they need a nosy neighbour to tell them.

You'd be better off soundproofing the ceilings.

 

[Seasidesage]

Why don't you challenge your neighbour about it? If you do it in the right way you may find out a valid reason? If not you still have the option to take things further with the authorities? It clearly appears wrong on the face of it...

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Why don't you challenge your neighbour about it? If you do it in the right way you may find out a valid reason? If not you still have the option to take things further with the authorities? It clearly appears wrong on the face of it...

How do you challenge your neighbour, or anyone really, on their parenting skills? And flagging something up to the authorities would doubtless set in motion something with possibly pretty major consequences for the guy and his little kid. Reckon I'll just butt out and leave them to it, unless his eccentricity re his little one reaches the point where it becomes impossible for a slightly concerned neighbour to ignore. Cheers all for the feedback, appreciated

 

[Seasidesage]

How do you challenge your neighbour, or anyone really, on their parenting skills? And flagging something up to the authorities would doubtless set in motion something with possibly pretty major consequences for the guy and his little kid. Reckon I'll just butt out and leave them to it, unless his eccentricity re his little one reaches the point where it becomes impossible for a slightly concerned neighbour to ignore. Cheers all for the feedback, appreciated

Delicately?

Not easy I agree but you can sometimes glean a lot from casual conversations. Your neighbour must know that keeping a kid awake to that time is not normal? They may want to tell you why? On the other hand keeping out of it might be the better option, difficult one for sure...

 

[Shooting Star]

THPP, my career background is working in children's nurseries and secondary schools, whilst my wife is a primary school teacher. When working in nurseries (and my wife I imagine in a primary school too), I've come across this and it's definitely something to be mildly concerned about. Heck, I get concerned when our Year 11 pupils say they've been up all hours of the night! In nurseries we used to come across parents who were students and would be up until the early hours of the morning studying and would "forget" to put their child to bed until 12/1am. Sometimes if a family is from a different culture (e.g. hispanic), they may put their kids to bed later as the routine of their day is different (e.g. family social life continues to the late hours of the evening, so their child gets up later the next day as a result). So often there are explanations for it. However, in nursery/school settings we'd always note it down and have a gentle chat to the parents about it as, like somebody else mentioned, it's not setting them up for a typical day in Britain. For example, if this continues into the school term, then that child won't be getting enough sleep for the school day. It will have an impact on their health and ability to learn and socialise.

I won't offer any advice in your situation because it's not my place to do so - most likely it's fairly innocuous, but there's always the possibility it's a a small piece in the larger jigsaw. All I'll say is that it if it continues into the school term, the child's school teacher will inevitably pick up on the alteration in the child's demeanour due to lack of sleep. And of course if you notice anything else of concern, then this in conjunction with anything else is important information.

 

[shingle]

Mrs Shingle says 7pm

 

[METALMICKY]

6 year old twins and it's always between 7 - 7.15.

 

[maffew]

Quite a difference being a parent of your own kids as opposed to wanting to butt in and lecture someone else on how to deal with their own kid.

I dont see anywhere he judged, just asked very valid question. Hes not butted in and sent social round or anything.

I dont think theres any rules against noting concern is there? Whats the line for "minding your business". Would it be lecturing and butting in to someone else on raising their kid if they were malnourished or was getting some other abuse? Naive to think that sometimes outside intervention isnt needed for the welfare of a child IMO.