Nobby Cybergoat
Well-known member
- Jul 19, 2021
- 9,359
That is all truly shit.
All the best buddy. I'm glad you felt you could post that here
All the best buddy. I'm glad you felt you could post that here
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[Misc] Just some stuff I need to express somewhere...
- Thread starter Han Solo
- Start date
Brian Fantana
Well-known member
Nothing but good wishes to you @Han Solo. You've already had some practical tips and messages from others, but I'm sure we'd all be more than willing to provide any help and advice on next steps and how to go about them, when you find out what they are.
You've done the bravest thing already, which is asking for help. More than happy for you to PM whenever, if you need someone to rant to.
You've done the bravest thing already, which is asking for help. More than happy for you to PM whenever, if you need someone to rant to.
... but right now, it is YOU who really needs it! Ask for and take whatever help there is, whether it is moral support or advice or practical support. Best wishes.
Home and Away
Well-known member
- Sep 18, 2018
- 434
I don't really know what to say, but like everyone here I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. Just know that you're not alone, there's always people who are kind and willing to help.
Really sad to read your post @Han Solo. It seems that life’s difficulties sometimes tend to come along all at once.
Your post was very honest and courageous, I suspect that reflects who you are. Like many others, I really don’t have any advice on the practicalities on death and funeral arrangements in Sweden but from your latest post, it seems that you’ve turned the ship and are setting sail in the right direction.
I think knocking weed on the head, as hard as that might be, is a really great thing. In essence, it’s an anaesthetic for life experience. It fogs your past, numbs your present and blurs your future. Good move.
Secondly, I think asking for help, as you have done (and as difficult as it can be) is not only brave but is also very constructive. I’m very hopeful your lesser seen family can gather round and help share responsibilities and journey with you.
Finally, think of some new questions to ask your Dad. Think really hard. You’ll want some of these final moments to really stick in your mind, even if it seems so incredibly painful to be with him and see him suffering. New conversations or knowledge will help bookmark this precious time in your head. What don’t you know about him? I suspect it’s plenty. What is his favourite colour? Who was the first girl he kissed? What is his favourite movie? These things might seem frivolous but you want to tighten the bond as much as you can in the time you have left. Perhaps tell him stuff about yourself he does not know to balance the conversations.
You have a lot of support and would be friends on this site. Hopefully you can meet a few of them when you finally get your ass over here for a game!
Your post was very honest and courageous, I suspect that reflects who you are. Like many others, I really don’t have any advice on the practicalities on death and funeral arrangements in Sweden but from your latest post, it seems that you’ve turned the ship and are setting sail in the right direction.
I think knocking weed on the head, as hard as that might be, is a really great thing. In essence, it’s an anaesthetic for life experience. It fogs your past, numbs your present and blurs your future. Good move.
Secondly, I think asking for help, as you have done (and as difficult as it can be) is not only brave but is also very constructive. I’m very hopeful your lesser seen family can gather round and help share responsibilities and journey with you.
Finally, think of some new questions to ask your Dad. Think really hard. You’ll want some of these final moments to really stick in your mind, even if it seems so incredibly painful to be with him and see him suffering. New conversations or knowledge will help bookmark this precious time in your head. What don’t you know about him? I suspect it’s plenty. What is his favourite colour? Who was the first girl he kissed? What is his favourite movie? These things might seem frivolous but you want to tighten the bond as much as you can in the time you have left. Perhaps tell him stuff about yourself he does not know to balance the conversations.
You have a lot of support and would be friends on this site. Hopefully you can meet a few of them when you finally get your ass over here for a game!
herecomesaregular
We're in the pipe, 5 by 5
Sounds a lot for one man to cope with, so I can understand the anxieties. So take care of yourself (eating well and sleeping enough and getting out in nature and all that mundane shit).
I realised recently I'm quite anxious about arranging funeral arrangements for my folks, now in their 80s, so I decided to write a Letter of Wishes for myself, so someone else isn't too anxious when I pop my clogs. I want a direct cremation (no lying in a box for me thanks), I'll be taken straight from where I die to a crematorium by the undertakers and a few days later my ashes will be delivered to my next of kin. All they need to do is grieve and when they're ready take my ashes, have a memorial service in the Downs and scatter my ashes there. I've named a pub and that some of my money is spent on decent food and listed lots of music recommendations. Do they do this type of thing in Sweden? I gave my letter to my parents but it didn't pprmpt them to give me any ideas what they wanted sadly, considering they're not religious. They didn't want to talk about it so I respect that. But I would agree with the above suggestions to maybe get your dad to lead you on this, with what he wants, if he will.
Warm regards to you anyhow.
I realised recently I'm quite anxious about arranging funeral arrangements for my folks, now in their 80s, so I decided to write a Letter of Wishes for myself, so someone else isn't too anxious when I pop my clogs. I want a direct cremation (no lying in a box for me thanks), I'll be taken straight from where I die to a crematorium by the undertakers and a few days later my ashes will be delivered to my next of kin. All they need to do is grieve and when they're ready take my ashes, have a memorial service in the Downs and scatter my ashes there. I've named a pub and that some of my money is spent on decent food and listed lots of music recommendations. Do they do this type of thing in Sweden? I gave my letter to my parents but it didn't pprmpt them to give me any ideas what they wanted sadly, considering they're not religious. They didn't want to talk about it so I respect that. But I would agree with the above suggestions to maybe get your dad to lead you on this, with what he wants, if he will.
Warm regards to you anyhow.
Last edited:
highflyer
Well-known member
- Jan 21, 2016
- 2,643
From a little bit of personal experience, this is good advice.
herecomesaregular
We're in the pipe, 5 by 5
All I would also like to say is regarding "not wanting to be a burden to anyone".
No offense but this is a mistake imho.
People rarely look at someone asking for help or being down or sad or anxious as a burden. Most people are happy to help out. It's one fatal mistake people make when they take their own lives. The people that are left behind will always scream out in their nightmares that they would have gladly helped if you had only asked.
No offense but this is a mistake imho.
People rarely look at someone asking for help or being down or sad or anxious as a burden. Most people are happy to help out. It's one fatal mistake people make when they take their own lives. The people that are left behind will always scream out in their nightmares that they would have gladly helped if you had only asked.
Kalimantan Gull
Well-known member
It seems really tough right now Hans, but the important thing to remember is, you ARE capable of organising it and you will. You have done difficult things before and you are capable of doing them. It feels hard, really hard, you may not believe it, but step by step you will do everything that needs doing and it will happen.
Cotton Socks
Skint Supporter
- Feb 20, 2017
- 2,309
Just because you think you don't 'feel' anything at the time, doesn't mean it won't hit you like a truck later. I said on here a couple of months ago how I was completely numb to my mum dying. It's 3 months later, a funeral after a month & a party weeks after the funeral & I have completely carried on as if nothing has happened & we were really close.
I don't smoke weed & cry watching films, my brain cannot compute this though, even if I do look like I don't give a shit. I feel guilty as I'm sure I should have been crying for the last 3 months. A line in a song completely floored me the other day, I wasn't somewhere that I could let the tears drop though. I think I've put it in a 'to do' list when I next hear the song in a suitable place (yes I could put it on now but I don't want to). Doesn't mean I don't love her and miss her insanely though.
I reckon there's probably some kind of thing over there where you won't have to take your own shovel.
You don't actually have to do anything until it actually happens though. Talk to your Dad & see if he has any 'ideas' about what he'd like but if he says a massive funeral with a gold casket and 7 stretch limo's, don't feel bad that it isn't going to happen.
Don't feel bad for whatever you do or don't feel when the inevitable happens. There is no wrong or right way. I've become 'Proper British' these last few months. I can 'Keep Calm & Carry on' & have a 'stiff upper lip'.
Is there someone you can appeal to, to get help again with your rent etc?
Look after yourself & thank you for posting that.
I don't smoke weed & cry watching films, my brain cannot compute this though, even if I do look like I don't give a shit. I feel guilty as I'm sure I should have been crying for the last 3 months. A line in a song completely floored me the other day, I wasn't somewhere that I could let the tears drop though. I think I've put it in a 'to do' list when I next hear the song in a suitable place (yes I could put it on now but I don't want to). Doesn't mean I don't love her and miss her insanely though.
I reckon there's probably some kind of thing over there where you won't have to take your own shovel.
You don't actually have to do anything until it actually happens though. Talk to your Dad & see if he has any 'ideas' about what he'd like but if he says a massive funeral with a gold casket and 7 stretch limo's, don't feel bad that it isn't going to happen.Don't feel bad for whatever you do or don't feel when the inevitable happens. There is no wrong or right way. I've become 'Proper British' these last few months. I can 'Keep Calm & Carry on' & have a 'stiff upper lip'.
Is there someone you can appeal to, to get help again with your rent etc?
Look after yourself & thank you for posting that.
Sorry everything seems so overwhelming for you at the moment mate. Try not to lean to heavily into those coping mechanisms. No one can suppress emotions without consequences, so I'd echo what others have said about finding help for yourself. It sound like you're going to do that, but don't wait. Life will keep coming. It doesn't even have to be finding someone clever, practical or helpful, just someone to help you express how you feel and get things out of your brain and nervous system and into the air.
Don't assume your existence and pain is a burden to the world. People do want to help. If someone typed what you typed, how would you react to them? You'd want to help them if you could i presume . Think about the replies you get here from strangers miles away. A load of them would be driving round to your flat now if they lived nearby.
Can't help with the funeral thing I'm afraid although if you contact your local.council I'm sure they'll offer some basic service. As someone else has said, can you speak to your dad at all? If so he may offer you some guidance about his preference.
If it was my kids I'd want to make sure they had anything I had left and some idea of what to do with me. He may want to be cremated and scattered somewhere (that's pretty cheap at least!)
Anyway. All the best and I hope you
keep posting on this thread any time you need to. Even if it's just for further ventilation purposes.
Don't assume your existence and pain is a burden to the world. People do want to help. If someone typed what you typed, how would you react to them? You'd want to help them if you could i presume . Think about the replies you get here from strangers miles away. A load of them would be driving round to your flat now if they lived nearby.
Can't help with the funeral thing I'm afraid although if you contact your local.council I'm sure they'll offer some basic service. As someone else has said, can you speak to your dad at all? If so he may offer you some guidance about his preference.
If it was my kids I'd want to make sure they had anything I had left and some idea of what to do with me. He may want to be cremated and scattered somewhere (that's pretty cheap at least!)
Anyway. All the best and I hope you
keep posting on this thread any time you need to. Even if it's just for further ventilation purposes.