Joke.

[Knightsworld]

>> > One good reason not to flirt!
>> >
>> > A couple were invited to a swanky family masked fancy dress Halloween
>> > party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to
> the
>> > party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued
>> > and
>> > said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no
>> > need
>> > for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume
> and
>> > away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke
>> > without
>> > pain and as it was still early, decided go to the party. As her
>> > husband
>> > didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun
> by
>> > watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. So
>> >she
>> > joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume,
>> > cavorting
>> > around on
>> > the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he could and copping
>> > a
>> > little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife went up to him and
>> > being a
>> > rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry
>> > and
>> > devoted his time to her. She lethim go as far as he wished, naturally,
>> > since he was her husband.
>> > After more drinks he finally he whispered a little proposition in her
>> > ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had
>> > passionate intercourse in the back seat. Just before unmasking at
>> > midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and
> got
>> > into
>> > bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his
>> > outrageous
>> > behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked
>> > what
>> > kind of time he had. "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a
>> >good
>> > time when you're not there." Then she asked,"Did you dance much?" He
>> > replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got
> there,
>> > I met
>> > Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room
> and
>> > played poker all evening." You must have looked really silly wearing
> that
>> > costume playing poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm. To
>> > which the
>> > husband replied, "Actually, I gave my costume to your Dad, apparently
> he
>> > had the time of his life."

 

[Biscuit]

Brilliant.

 

[Edward Scissorhands]

 

[Eddie the Seagull]

A bloke went to a fancy dress party naked apart from a potato tied to his penis.

He was asked what he'd come as?


A dictator, he replied.


Sorry..............

 

[Biscuit]

A bloke went to a fancy dress party naked apart from his girlfriend on his back.

He was asked what he'd come as?


A tortoise, he replied.

"This is Michelle."

 

[maffew]

A bloke went to a fancy dress party naked apart from his girlfriend on his back.

He was asked what he'd come as?


A tortoise, he replied.

"This is Michelle."

Doug went to a party with a spade on his head

 

[Hampden Park]

A bloke went to a fancy dress party naked apart from his girlfriend on his back.

He was asked what he'd come as?


A tortoise, he replied.

"This is Michelle."

A bloke went to a fancy dress party naked apart from his underpants.

he was asked what he'd come as?

an orgasm, he replied. ive just come in my underpants.

 

[REDLAND]

2 Muslim women in a shop trying on dresses, one turns to the other and says

"Does my BOMB look big in this?"

 

[Eddie the Seagull]

A bald man with one leg wanted to go to a fancy dress party but he didn't know what to go as. He wrote to a fancy dress company and asked for a recommendation. The reply came back saying that he could go as a monk becasue of his bald head. He replied angrily saying that they were just being rude about his bald head.

The company apologized and wrote back saying that he could go as a pirate, his bald head could be covered by the hat and his wooden leg would complemnt the outfit. He replied angrily saying they were just being rude about his wooden leg.

A few days later he recieved a parcel with a note. In the parcel was a pot of sticky toffee and the note said smear the toffee over your head, stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple!

 

[Citrus]

 

[Eggmundo]

A bloke went to a fancy dress party naked apart from his underpants.

he was asked what he'd come as?

a premature ejaculation, he replied. ive just come in my underpants.

 

[surrey jim]

 

[Pavilionaire]

A girl went to a fancy dress party wearing only a pair of black gloves and a pair of black boots.

She was asked by the doorman what she'd come as.

"The five of spades" she replied.

 

[Easy 10]

George Bush and Dick Cheney were at a fancy Washington restaurant.
The waitress approaches their table to take order. She is young and very attractive. She asks Cheney what he wants, and he replies: "I'll have the heart-healthy salad."
"Very good, sir," she replies, and turning to Bush she asks, "And what do you want, Mr. President?"
Bush answers: "How about a quickie?" Taken aback, the waitress slaps him and says: "I'm shocked and disappointed in you. I thought you were bringing in a new administration that was committed to high principles and morality. I'm sorry I voted for you."
With that, the waitress departed in a huff. Cheney leans over to Bush, and says: "Mr. President, I believe that's pronounced quiche."

 

[Stumpy Tim]

George Bush and Dick Cheney were at a fancy Washington restaurant.
The waitress approaches their table to take order. She is young and very attractive. She asks Cheney what he wants, and he replies: "I'll have the heart-healthy salad."
"Very good, sir," she replies, and turning to Bush she asks, "And what do you want, Mr. President?"
Bush answers: "How about a quickie?" Taken aback, the waitress slaps him and says: "I'm shocked and disappointed in you. I thought you were bringing in a new administration that was committed to high principles and morality. I'm sorry I voted for you."
With that, the waitress departed in a huff. Cheney leans over to Bush, and says: "Mr. President, I believe that's pronounced quiche."

 

[Basil Fawlty]

,

 

[Shropshire Seagull]

2 Muslim women in a shop trying on rucksacks, one turns to the other and says

"Does my BOMB look big in this?"

 

[Brighton till i die]

A bald man with one leg wanted to go to a fancy dress party but he didn't know what to go as. He wrote to a fancy dress company and asked for a recommendation. The reply came back saying that he could go as a monk becasue of his bald head. He replied angrily saying that they were just being rude about his bald head.

The company apologized and wrote back saying that he could go as a pirate, his bald head could be covered by the hat and his wooden leg would complemnt the outfit. He replied angrily saying they were just being rude about his wooden leg.

A few days later he recieved a parcel with a note. In the parcel was a pot of sticky toffee and the note said smear the toffee over your head, stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple!

now that is f***ing funny!!



what do you call a japanesse girl with a food processor on her heaD?

 

[Easy 10]

Chop Sue.

 

[Hampden Park]

now that is f***ing funny!!



what do you call a japanesse girl with a food processor on her heaD?

Brenda (pronounced Blenda by someone japanese)