Joke Time as we wait for next big news

[rocker959]

I was talking to a girl in a pub the other night and I said to her " You remind me of my little toe." She asked " Is that because I'm small and cute ? "
I replied " No, it's because I'll probably end up banging you on the coffee table."

 

[mcshane in the 79th]

Not bad, made me laugh!

 

[Titanic]

Is this the new handjobs?

 

[killer miller]

A fat girl served me in mcdonalds the other day, I got to the counter and she said "sorry about the wait"
I said "don't worry fatty, your bound to lose it eventually"

 

[driller]

I am constantly getting strange phone calls, its annoying. The guy on the other end keeps singing Prince Charming and Stand & Deliver. I keep telling him to stop calling me but he's adamant.

 

[DTES]

My girlfriend just left me...

...because of my obsession with touching pasta. I have to be honest, I'm feeling canneloni right now.


(Sorry - you can all go back to talking about Lua Lua and the fixtures now)

 

[alan partridge]

Like

 

[mcshane in the 79th]

Heard that on 5Live the other night. Had Peter Allen in stitches

 

[dingodan]

When is LuaLua signing?

 

[Ding Dong !]

How did she break it to you...was it..............

Pasta la vista...baby !!

 

[BRIGHT ON Q]

lol

Sounds like a Tim Vine special.

 

[Woodchip]

Like, and stolen.

Sent with a touch of flair

 

[The Antikythera Mechanism]

An Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman walk into a bar. The Landlord says "Is this some kind of joke?"......

 

[Rusthall Seagull]

I'm training to be a pasta chef. It is going really well apart from the fusilli mistakes.

 

[sam86]

cannelloni *

 

[Waynflete]

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?


Put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers.

 

[Muzzy]

I was in a pub the other day and said to this women, Can I smell your fanny? she said certainly not.. So I said, well it must be you're feet then!

 

[DTES]

cannelloni *

I'm a spelling & grammar pedant myself so this does upset me now I see it. Must try harder

 

[DTES]

Sorry - I've only just spotted this thread. If I'd seen it before I posted my own joke I'd have put it in here. Mods - please do feel free to merge...

 

[Titanic]

Sorry - I've only just spotted this thread. If I'd seen it before I posted my own joke I'd have put it in here. Mods - please do feel free to merge...

Done