Joke du Jour

[Icy Gull]

Oldie but a goodie:

A couple was watching a Discovery Channel special about an African bush tribe whose men all had penises 15 inches long. When a male reaches a certain age, a string is tied around his penis and on the other end is a weight. After a while, the weight stretches the penis to 15 inches.


Later that evening as the husband was getting out of the shower, his wife looked down at him and said, "How about we try the African string-and-weight procedure?" The husband agreed and they tied a string and weight to his penis.



A few days later, the wife asked the husband, "How is our little tribal experiment coming along?"



"Well, it looks like we're about half way there ," he replied.



Wow, you mean it's grown to over 7 inches?"



"No , it's turned black."

 

[Woodchip]

 

[Icy Gull]

 

[Woodchip]

Would have been alright, but the joke is older than me, and probably seen the light of day more often as well.

 

[Bevendean Hillbilly]

 

[Stinkers Bridge]

Did the old man's penis ever stretch to 15 inches or did they give up because it hurt too much?

 

[Icy Gull]

Did the old man's penis ever stretch to 15 inches or did they give up because it hurt too much?

Does it matter? He's dead by now the joke is so old, allegedly

 

[Lammy]

Does that technique really work?

 

[Man of Harveys]

Very good

 

[Simster]

Very good

No.

 

[Man of Harveys]

No.

Yes it is. f*** off.

 

[Simster]

Another shit, old joke:

At the end of a tiny deserted bar is a huge scouse bloke - 6ft 5in tall and
350lbs. He's having a few beers when a short, well dressed and obviously gay
man minces in and sits beside him.

After 3 or 4 beers, the gay man finally plucks up the courage to say
something to the big Liverpudlian. Leaning over, he cups his huge ear: "Do
you want a blow job?" he whispers.

At this, the massive Merseysider leaps up with fire in his eyes and smacks
the man in the face. Knocking him off the stool, he proceeds to beat him
all the way out of the bar. Finally he leaves him, badly bruised, in the
car park and returns to his seat as if nothing had happened. Amazed the
bartender quickly brings over another beer.

"I've never seen you react like that" he says. "Just what did he say to
you?"

"I'm not sure" the big scouser replies. "Something about a job."

 

[Da Man Clay]

Hadn't seen either of them before.

 

[Parson Henry]

No.

Tell me Simster are you the knower of knowledge and the speaker of all things spoken.

 

[H block]

Another shit, old joke:

At the end of a tiny deserted bar is a huge scouse bloke - 6ft 5in tall and
350lbs. He's having a few beers when a short, well dressed and obviously gay
man minces in and sits beside him.

After 3 or 4 beers, the gay man finally plucks up the courage to say
something to the big Liverpudlian. Leaning over, he cups his huge ear: "Do
you want a blow job?" he whispers.

At this, the massive Merseysider leaps up with fire in his eyes and smacks
the man in the face. Knocking him off the stool, he proceeds to beat him
all the way out of the bar. Finally he leaves him, badly bruised, in the
car park and returns to his seat as if nothing had happened. Amazed the
bartender quickly brings over another beer.

"I've never seen you react like that" he says. "Just what did he say to
you?"

"I'm not sure" the big scouser replies. "Something about a job."

Were there any witness`s to the attack. Because if not I am afraid I do not believe that story. Surely no one would react like that just because someone offered you a job. If its true then what a sorry world we live in.

 

[sams dad]

Three men die on Christmas Eve and are met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter , who tells them they can gain admittance to Heaven only if they possess something that symbolises Christmas.
The first man produces a lighter, flicks it on and says "It represents a candle "
"You may enter " says St. Peter
The second man produces a bunch of keys , shakes them and says "They're bells"
" You may enter " says St. Peter
The third man looks desperate before pulling out a G-string.
"How do those represent Christmas " asks St. Peter
The man replies" They're Carols "