Joke du jour

[Spun Cuppa]

My girlfriend dumped me because of my fixation with The Monkees pop group

I asked her if she was joking

Then I saw her face...


A previous squeeze said I needed to get a penis enlarger

So I did

Her name was Cindy and she was 21

 

[seagullondon]

4/10

 

[kevo]

(Pinched from another forum):


A man goes into a bakers and says "I'd like you to bake me a cake. It has to be tall, cylindrical, and lean alarmingly to one side".

"No problem at all" said the baker, "That's a pisa cake".

 

[rocker959]

My mates used to call me '' Mr Lover Lover '' as I had quite a good record with the ladies.
Then one night a girl with Downs syndrome asked me to shag her up the arse....
Now they all call me '' Mr Bum Spastic '' .....!

 

[Taybha]

 

[Muzzatron]

Was with a girl last night in my car, she said, "Take me up the shithole". I told her there is no way I`m driving to Selhurst at this time of night.

 

[Art Vs Science]

Was with a girl last night in my car, she said, "Take me up the shithole". I told her there is no way I`m driving to Selhurst at this time of night.

I nearly laughed at that one. well done.

 

[driller]

My girl friend dumped me for being too kinky in bed

I nearly spat her Piss out when she told Me

 

[sydney]

My mates used to call me '' Mr Lover Lover '' as I had quite a good record with the ladies.
Then one night a girl with Downs syndrome asked me to shag her up the arse....
Now they all call me '' Mr Bum Spastic '' .....!

 

[minnieme]

Was with a girl last night in my car, she said, "Take me up the shithole". I told her there is no way I`m driving to Selhurst at this time of night.

 

[HAILSHAM SEAGULL]

Just got thrown out of the local mosque;
I stood there during prayers...



and......



well....



I just couldnt help myself...






I f***ing LOVE leapfrog!!!

 

[chucky1973]

My girl friend dumped me for being too kinky in bed

I nearly spat her Piss out when she told Me

Boom Boom

 

[Biscuit]

My wife was just starting to moan about my obsession with Ross Kemp.

I could see things were about to kick off, so I got out of there.

 

[User removed 4]

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the slippery pavement,
At least I presume she was poor .......................... she only had £1.20 in her purse.

 

[Crispy Ambulance]

Went to London yesterday and shagged a famous model.

Trouble is, I'm now banned from Madam Tussauds!

 

[Crispy Ambulance]

Got stuck in traffic driving into Brighton this morning and an RAC van pulled up alongside. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably. I though to myself "He's heading for a breakdown"!

 

[Crispy Ambulance]

I was feeling a bit down earlier so I dipped my Muslim neighbour in bleach. I thought I'd try to lighten Mahmood!

 

[Easy 10]

Some old dear in front of me was struggling with using the cashpoint, so she turned round and asked me if I would check her balance.
So I pushed her over and said "not very good I'm afraid".

 

[User removed 4]

Some woman just walked up to the bathroom window whilst I was having a wank and slowly mouthed the words.............................get the f*** out of my garden

 

[seagullsdaz]

Whats the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping tom?

A pick pocket snatches watches and a peeping tom watches snatches!