Joke Du Jour..........

[Ding Dong !]

My wife just found out she's adopted.
She's devastated and keeps asking
'Why didn't they want me.' I comforted her
and after a while, still crying she asked me to make
love to her, which led to more tears.
On reflection banging her up the arse and shouting
'WHO'S YOUR DADDY' was a little insensitive.




I was at a party last night and the DJ played that
song - oh sit down by James ! so we all sat down !
he then played - jump around ! We all jumped around
Then he put on - come on eileen !..........
I got kicked out !!

 

[mcshane in the 79th]

I quite liked them, 7/10

 

[JBizzle]

Nice

 

[Tim Over Whelmed]

8/10 quality ... 1st better than 2nd!

 

[Bluejuice]

A woman goes into a pet shop after a Parrot for her home. She is immediately drawn to one splendid looking specimen and asks the shopkeeper how much it is. He tells her it is £20 and the woman is gobsmacked. "This creature is absolutely stunning" she says, "surely it's worth more than £20?"

And so the shopkeeper admits that actually this bird does have form, explaining that it was previously resident in a local brothel recently shut down by the police, and its vocabulary is somewhat fresh.

Pausing for a moment the woman considers this but comes to the conclusion that she can live with a bit of naughty talk considering the extremely low price so she hands over the cash and takes the bird home to the family.

Setting the bird cage down in the lounge she removes the blanket and allows the parrot to survey its new surroundings.

"Squawk... Nice place" it pipes up as it stares out across the room.

Shortly afterwards the woman's daughters come in to take a look at their new pet and it chirps up again: "squawk... fresh meat. Nicer than the last lot".

The woman is a little embarrassed but decides that if they don't know the bird's history then there's no harm done.

Just then the father comes in and on spying him the exotic bird flaps his wings and crows "squawk... Nice to see you again Keith, how you been?"

 

[mcshane in the 79th]

Not so good, 4/10

 

[Iamapen15]

My wife challenged me to a game of Wii Sports earlier. See pissed all over me!

 

[mcshane in the 79th]

My wife challenged me to a game of Wii Sports earlier. See pissed all over me!