Joke du jour - Colin the tough Australian

[Icy Gull]

The scene is set - a dark night, cold wind blowing, campfire flickering, stars twinkling in the dark sky.


Three hang-glider pilots are sitting by the campfire. One from Australia, one from Seth Efrika and one from Nuh Zulland.


Each embroiled in the bravado for which they are famous.

The night of tales and lies begins...

Kiven the Kiwi says, 'I must be the meanest, toughest, heng glider pilot there es. Why, jist the other day I linded in a field and scared a crocodeale, who came out of the swamp and ate sux min who were standen close by. I grebbed the crocodeale and wristled him to du ground and killed em with my beer hends'.

Hansie from Seth Efrika (who typically can't stand to be bettered) said, 'Well you guys, I lended orfter a 200 mile flight in my heng glider on a tiny trail, and a Namibian snike slid out from under a rock and made a move on me. I grebbed de borsted with me bare hinds and beet it's head off ind then sucked the poison from its body down in one gulp. End I'm still here today'


Colin, the Tough Australian, remained silent, slowly poking the fire with his penis.

 

[Goldstone1976]

A silent Australian? I smell BS.

 

[Foul Play Rocks]

What did Colin do that was brave and strong as poking the fire with your penis is just stupid. Has he always been a self harmer?

 

[Stumpy Tim]

I would suggest drinking poison and surviving is much tougher than putting your willy in a fire.

Sounds like Colin is on LSD too, and that's no laughing matter. This thread should be removed for inciting drug use

 

[Prince Monolulu]

I would suggest that, beyond this literal willy waving, Kiven needs to be pointed in the direction of a speech therapist.

 

[Garry Nelson's teacher]

And Colin was standing 3 feet away from the fire!

 

[Superphil]

Is it 1992?

 

[Stumpy Tim]

Is it 1992?

No, it's 2016. Hope that helps

 

[AmexRuislip]

Characteristics of the Fire Snake.

This type of Snake tends to be the most vigorous, sociable and lively out of all the other Snakes. They are go-getting, self-assured and are never slow in getting their opinions across. They have many great leadership qualities and can win the respect and support of all those around him with great ease.
They usually have a good sense of humour which gains them a wide circle of friends and a very active social life. They love to travel.
The Snake is an extremely intelligent and active person. They will always be planning and looking for ways that they put their substantial skills to use. They enjoy sitting back and thinking about everything that is going on around them, sometimes through meditation.

 

[Icy Gull]

Is it 1992?

Is this one 21st Century enough for you? It's shit but topical



As he stood in front of the Pearl y Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind St. Peter. He asked, "What are all those clocks for?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone who has ever been on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock move."

"Oh", said the man. "Whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's", replied St. Peter. "The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."

"Incredible", said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"

St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his entire life."

"Where's Donald Trump's clock?" asked the man.

St. Peter replied, "We're using it as a ceiling fan."

 

[Eggmundo]

Mental health issues aren't funny.

 

[driller]

Your spelling is terrible

 

[Icy Gull]

Your spelling is terrible

 

[Trufflehound]

Pearl y Gates

Is that the Spanish branch of Pearl & Dean?

 

[Jack Straw]

So what was Colin's tale of bravery then? At least complete the story.