[Music] It's Christmas time...

[Sussex Nomad]

... and there's no need to be afraid (I have a millionaire lifestyle)
At Christmastime, we let in light and we banish shade (great line, not a ****ing clue what it means)

And in our world of plenty we can spread a smile of joy (we sing you give money)
Throw your arms around the world at Christmastime (We are just reading lines, where we going for a beer after this?)

But say a prayer, pray for the other ones (yeah all you low life scum that don't earn our amount of dosh)
At Christmastime it's hard, but when you're having fun (I can afford 3000 lines of coke)

There's a world outside your window (I hide from it, too many working class people out there)
And it's a world of dread and fear (Apparently? Whatever!)

Where the only water flowing (Do people still drink that?)
Is the bitter sting of tears (He always gets his name in a song)

And the Christmas bells that ring there are the clanging chimes of doom (I broke a fingernail this morning)
Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you (Yeah thank God it ain't you, it won't be us, we're fine thank you)

And there won't be snow in Africa this Christmastime (duh!)
The greatest gift they'll get this year is life (I really can't be more patronising)

Where nothing ever grows (we get our weed from Morocco)
No rain nor rivers flow (I get my fish from M&S)

Do they know it's Christmastime at all? (I don't really care, I'm getting a fortune out of this)
Here's to you (sounds more like it)
Raise a glass for everyone (Ah yes, now we're there, what were we singing about?)

Here's to them (What's a them? Will they buy my next record?)
Underneath that burning sun (Lucky ********, I've only been to Mauritius 6 times this year)

Do they know it's Christmastime at all? (Well, they haven't bought me a present)

 

[Sussex Nomad]

Sorry. I am doing my best to get into this Christmas thing this year, I've just thrown out one cynical message

 

[Crispy Ambulance]

In Burgess Hill, there's no need to be afraid
In Burgess Hill, the charity shops do a roaring trade
And in this town of oldies, with diseases oh so true
Well tonight thank god it's piles instead of flu

And there won't be snow in Burgess Hill this Christmas time
The only gifts they'll get this year are from Millets
With tent pegs 2 for a pound, and guy ropes to put in the ground
Do they know it's a Berghaus approved vendor.