[Humour] It is Friday, sunny, life is bereft of fun, tell a joke, have a beer.....

[Insel affe]

Three friends are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia.

The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed. He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.

After a while, the tired man gets frustrated and walks downstairs for a smoke. He stops in the lounge and asks the receptionist to bring tea to their room in five minutes.

The man walks back into the room, joins the table, leans towards a power outlet and speaks into it:

"Comrade major, we want some tea to room 62 please."

His friends laugh on the joke, until there is a knock on the door. The receptionist brings a teapot. His friends fall silent and pale, horrified of what they just witnessed. The party is dead, and the man goes to sleep.

After a good night's rest, the man wakes up, and notices his friends are gone. Surprised, he walks downstairs and asks the receptionist where they went.

The nervous receptionist whispers that KGB came and took them before dawn.

The man is horrified. He wonders why he was spared.

The receptionist responds:

"Well, comrade major did quite like your tea joke."

 

[Pretty pink fairy]

Three friends are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia.

The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed. He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.

After a while, the tired man gets frustrated and walks downstairs for a smoke. He stops in the lounge and asks the receptionist to bring tea to their room in five minutes.

The man walks back into the room, joins the table, leans towards a power outlet and speaks into it:

"Comrade major, we want some tea to room 62 please."

His friends laugh on the joke, until there is a knock on the door. The receptionist brings a teapot. His friends fall silent and pale, horrified of what they just witnessed. The party is dead, and the man goes to sleep.

After a good night's rest, the man wakes up, and notices his friends are gone. Surprised, he walks downstairs and asks the receptionist where they went.

The nervous receptionist whispers that KGB came and took them before dawn.

The man is horrified. He wonders why he was spared.

The receptionist responds:

"Well, comrade major did quite like your tea joke."

https://youtu.be/kA6CX6giurc


Regards
DF

 

[Herr Tubthumper]

I told my wife to embrace her mistakes; she gave me a hug.

 

[Pretty pink fairy]

https://youtu.be/sWkcC8L7ZEY


Regards
DF

 

[Eeyore]

This morning I saw a large black coloured bird hanging with its scalp attached to the lower half of a tree branch.

I think it was a Velcrow.

 

[WATFORD zero]

One [MENTION=33848]The Clamp[/MENTION] told a few days ago

My penis was in the Guinness book of records.


And the librarian said if I put it in there again, I'm banned

 

[Reagulls]

I bought some shoes with velcro straps the other day....
...what a rip off

 

[Guinness Boy]

Why does Rupert the Bear wear checked trousers?

Because he's a c**t.

 

[AmexRuislip]

I heard an air traffic controller describe two planes nearly coming together as a near miss but surely it should be a near hit?
A near miss would be a collision.
It just goes to show that people with extremely high responsible jobs have no brains either.


I'll jet my coat.





.

 

[kevo]

A frog walks into a bank, goes up to the counter and notices from her name badge that the clerk's name is Pat Whack.

'Hello Pat', says the frog. 'I'd like to borrow a million pounds'.

Pat eyes him suspiciously and says 'That's an awful lot of money. We can't give that to just anyone. I mean, I don't even know who you are'.

'It should be fine', says the frog. 'I'm actually the son of Mick Jagger, and he's extremely rich. So there shouldn't be a problem'.

'Even if that's the case', Pat replies, 'You'd have to give us some collateral to secure the loan. Have you got anything?'

The frog puts his hand in his pocket and pulls out a small pink plastic elephant and hands it to Pat.

Exasperated, she tells the frog to wait there while she goes to see the bank manager.

Pat walks into his office and says: 'You're not going to believe this, but there's a frog out there who claims he's the son of Mick Jagger and wants to borrow a million pounds. And he's given me this to secure the loan'. She holds up the plastic elephant. 'I mean, what the hell is this?'

So the bank manager replies -


'It's a knick-knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone'.

 

[albionfan37]

 

[GT49er]

Three friends are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia.

The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed. He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.

After a while, the tired man gets frustrated and walks downstairs for a smoke. He stops in the lounge and asks the receptionist to bring tea to their room in five minutes.

The man walks back into the room, joins the table, leans towards a power outlet and speaks into it:

"Comrade major, we want some tea to room 62 please."

His friends laugh on the joke, until there is a knock on the door. The receptionist brings a teapot. His friends fall silent and pale, horrified of what they just witnessed. The party is dead, and the man goes to sleep.

After a good night's rest, the man wakes up, and notices his friends are gone. Surprised, he walks downstairs and asks the receptionist where they went.

The nervous receptionist whispers that KGB came and took them before dawn.

The man is horrified. He wonders why he was spared.

The receptionist responds:

"Well, comrade major did quite like your tea joke."

I rather liked that!

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

Car crime in a multi story car park.

Wrong.

On so many levels.

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

What's the difference between Billy Connolly and Walt Disney?

Billy Connolly likes deep fried Mars bars......

 

[South Stand Bonfire]

A snail crawls into a bar and asks the barman for a beer.
The barman replies that he doesn’t serve snails, picks it up, goes to the door and throws it out.
Exactly one year later, the same snail crawls into the bar, goes up to the barman and says
“Why did you do that?”

 

[South Stand Bonfire]

Salvador Dali football league results:

Real Madrid - 2: Surreal Madrid - Fish

 

[jakarta]

What's the difference between Billy Connolly and Walt Disney?

Billy Connolly likes deep fried Mars bars......

I'll raise You.

What's the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt?

Bing Sings and Walt Disnae?

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

I'll raise You.

What's the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt?

Bing Sings and Walt Disnae?

Same joke, mon vieux.

One that I have been tempted to direct at PPF:

How do you keep a dimbot in suspense?

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

A length of rope saunters into a bar and orders a drink.

Barman says: sod off. We don't server rope.

Rope leaves bar, and outside he roughs himself up, alarming, on some jagged rocks, and then ties himself up into a proper bowline.

He rolls himself back into he bar and orders a drink.

Barman says: Oy, aren't you that length of rope I chucked out five minutes ago?

Rope replies: I'm afraid not.

 

[jakarta]

Same joke, mon vieux.

One that I have been tempted to direct at PPF:

How do you keep a dimbot in suspense?

OK but my version SOUNDS better in Jockspeak...