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Banned
That's right. This is what the credit crunch has done to me. And I really hope Collar Feeler or Edna don't see this as a signed confession.
So I've been starving all day, not a blinking penny til payday now save for some petrol allowance and I was debating how I was gonna eat all morning. Forgot to make sarnies at home last night and I'd already raided the cupboard at work for some stale biccies and ate a few teagbags. My only colleague in the office today refuses to share any of her scran with me since I stuck my finger into her carrot cake once as a joke. The sly bitch. I'm a growing lad ffs, I can't live like this.
So off I popped to a well known high street supermarket at lunch and thought f*** it, I ain't gonna pay they're not gonna miss a few sandwiches and crisps with all their money. Me being smartly dressed today and with all those people rushing out through the door holding food anyway, they're not gonna know. I thought to meself as I'm not gonna be paying I might as well go to town a bit and allowed myself a luxurious £3.50 or summink baguette, one bag of crisps, a smoothie, choccy bar and a few little things from the deli
Beads of sweat glistened as I walked ROUND the entire checkout area, hummed nervously to myself as I pretended to be browsing the pharmacy, managed a cheeky "Afternoon" to the security guard and I was on my way. It felt so wrong yet strangely, so good too. My nipples popped up as I walked through the security barriers, would the alarm sound? The thrill of knowing I could get caught at any moment and having some burly Securicor chap hurl me across an interrogation room table and treat me like the dirty little hoe that I am was almost making me pre-cum. I'd made it into the car park by now and my stride broke into a sort of mincey skip; the guilt was eating me up inside. I made it into my motor and sped off, never to be seen in said supermarket again.
I feel like a dirty, thieving pikey. I had to share this with someone.
Am I a bad man?
So I've been starving all day, not a blinking penny til payday now save for some petrol allowance and I was debating how I was gonna eat all morning. Forgot to make sarnies at home last night and I'd already raided the cupboard at work for some stale biccies and ate a few teagbags. My only colleague in the office today refuses to share any of her scran with me since I stuck my finger into her carrot cake once as a joke. The sly bitch. I'm a growing lad ffs, I can't live like this.
So off I popped to a well known high street supermarket at lunch and thought f*** it, I ain't gonna pay they're not gonna miss a few sandwiches and crisps with all their money. Me being smartly dressed today and with all those people rushing out through the door holding food anyway, they're not gonna know. I thought to meself as I'm not gonna be paying I might as well go to town a bit and allowed myself a luxurious £3.50 or summink baguette, one bag of crisps, a smoothie, choccy bar and a few little things from the deli
Beads of sweat glistened as I walked ROUND the entire checkout area, hummed nervously to myself as I pretended to be browsing the pharmacy, managed a cheeky "Afternoon" to the security guard and I was on my way. It felt so wrong yet strangely, so good too. My nipples popped up as I walked through the security barriers, would the alarm sound? The thrill of knowing I could get caught at any moment and having some burly Securicor chap hurl me across an interrogation room table and treat me like the dirty little hoe that I am was almost making me pre-cum. I'd made it into the car park by now and my stride broke into a sort of mincey skip; the guilt was eating me up inside. I made it into my motor and sped off, never to be seen in said supermarket again.
I feel like a dirty, thieving pikey. I had to share this with someone.
Am I a bad man?
Oh well, best get started.
