murraymints4brighton
Well-known member
Sorry that I have to clog up the board with this rant, but no other message board could take it apart from this ONE.
I will begin with a list of things that have seriously fecked me off and I hope NSC can give me advice on how to fix my problems.
1. My computer. It has completely discombobulated in front of my very eyes. Every time it offers me the enthralling task of Disk checking every f***ing program and so I thought "yeah go on then, you are supposedly cleverer than me so disk check away..." The disk check took 2 f***ing DAYS meaning I have been cut off from cyberspace for way too long. I then find EVERYTHING I have ever done, saved, made, created, logged into, downloaded,stored, put in the recycle bin, history, paid for, typed in, filmed, stored photos on, written, recorded, emailed, signed up for... HAS ALL f***ing GONE!!! That shithouse bastard disk checking son of a bitch had deleted everything across the entirety of my expensive computer. Bill Gates you ****, give me every wasted pound I have ever even sent within a mile of you so I can personally use it to buy the program Trident and send every flippin nuclear weapon right into your lovely, gleaming gold platted mansion. My whole Itunes has gone
No more listening to the delights of Thomas Dolby, "She blinded me with science" and Alexi Sayle's "allo john, gotta new motor?". I am literally at the point of suicide here, even my facebook and twitter have bleeding gone. The only thing that works, of all things, is my NSC account 
2. Flies from the recycling bin. Yeah they can do one as well. Every day I go to open the kitchen door and a hoard of angry flies burst in and begin to land on food and shit over everything. Why must the do it? The bin placed outside the house is no longer good enough for them so they must seek refuge in a lovely, warm central heated, middle class house with no f***ing computer. There are literally thousands upon thousands buzzing around and they have taken a particular liking to avocado and prawn salads! f*** you!!! that is my bastard salad, go and eat some of the rubbish that you miraculously spawned from and will no doubt eat anyway after you have polished off my cavaier and dodo egg platter. Oh great, now they have gone for the cat, my best feline friend will probably be a stuffed toy by this time tomorrow.
3.The cat. Why wont it just f*** off. So what you haven't got any food? go and kill a mouse and eat it. What you've got no water? didn't know I was the barman round here. It really is annoying me. Not only has it become nocturnal which is a pain in the ass considering it is too fat too fit through a cat flap so we have to open and close doors for oh great one thus letting flies seep in through the void where food is prepared, it has also started up it's very own choir with next doors tabby and two foxes and my the noise they make is simply music to me ear's at 4 a.m. as you can imagine If Whitney Huston was deaf and sung through a load speaker while on acid that is what my cat and his mates sound like. If Hear Say got back together and sung a duet with Vladamir Putin and Andy Gray that is what it sounds like. It also eats us out of house and home along with those god damn flies.
4. The dictionary. I am looking at this monumental book of intelligence with envy. It is laughing at me with all it's words and phrases such as pleb and binfest. It has hundreds of words that could mock and shame me for clicking yes to that f***ing nicely nicely how's your monkey? disk check
I wish it would f*** off. So what you can give me a definition for cornucopia and onomatopoeia? I can give you a definition for "go f*** yourself" it is actually on par in terms of hatred with the Da Vinci Code. Come on, what a load of old cobblers that is, give me "Where's Wolly?" any day.
5. Preston Park. Must everyone as soon as the weather hit's 12 degrees go over there and have a f***ing pick nic? It seems to be the meeting point of the brighton middle class mafia. Everyone congregates there to be so radical and hip and throw Frisbee's and various annoying breakable and pain causing things around while reading some pointless read like the stupid magazine for the 5 ways area. Why should those nobs up there have there own fricking mini magazine made to report on news with a radius of the co-op and Raven's bakery? I could give you a more interesting article each week about my SHIT than that.
6. The green party. Please can we stop voting for them in this area just to make Brighton seem this really zany and individual place? Brighton is a good enough place to eat, sleep and drink without those twats here. HBB made a good point about one of there policies before, not that they will EVER in a million years get a majority vote yet it shows you what a jumped up load of hippy toss pot's they really are.
A few brief mentions:
. Michael Buble. What a load of drivel his soppy music really is. If he is on any sort of mediocre chat show again I am going to ram all those countless cover versions he has made down his throat so he can never utter another note.
. Avocado's. Are they actually ever ripe? Answer: NO. They are a complete waste of money and we should stop importing them immediately.
. Politician's. Just run the country via an internet message board and use smiles to depict what you think of policies.
. Coconuts. you have to physically RAPE them to get them open and when you do you are met with a liquid that tastes like cat piss and some horribly hard, white chalky thing to eat. Again, stop importing them.
George Michael, Ox-bow lakes, Heston blumenthal, Pencil's, Paper, robotic dogs, poems, Papa Bouba Diop, the number 9, Hitler, Siamese twins, doctor do little, Papa New guinea, carling, Shopping trolley's, Andy Gray, mantle pieces, Doors, Ikea, Allo, Allo, Dad's army, KFC, Pork, Ian rankin, Sheffield Wednesday, ply wood, Aliens, Washington, alabama, John Travolta, Jennifer Lopez, Tuna, When Harry met Sally, Paul Merson, frasier, Loose Women, Broad Beans, Luton Town, Guilford, Glastonbury, Aldi, Bananas, pine tree's, Candles, pin cushions, Lorries, Road works, The game of life, remote control boats, Andy Warhol, Joana lumely on the nile...
YOU CAN ALL DO ONE AS WELL!!!
Apologies, UP THE ALBION, UP THE GUS BUS, THE CHAMPIONSHIP HERE WE COME!!!!! (OPINION APPRECIATED)
I will begin with a list of things that have seriously fecked me off and I hope NSC can give me advice on how to fix my problems.
1. My computer. It has completely discombobulated in front of my very eyes. Every time it offers me the enthralling task of Disk checking every f***ing program and so I thought "yeah go on then, you are supposedly cleverer than me so disk check away..." The disk check took 2 f***ing DAYS meaning I have been cut off from cyberspace for way too long. I then find EVERYTHING I have ever done, saved, made, created, logged into, downloaded,stored, put in the recycle bin, history, paid for, typed in, filmed, stored photos on, written, recorded, emailed, signed up for... HAS ALL f***ing GONE!!! That shithouse bastard disk checking son of a bitch had deleted everything across the entirety of my expensive computer. Bill Gates you ****, give me every wasted pound I have ever even sent within a mile of you so I can personally use it to buy the program Trident and send every flippin nuclear weapon right into your lovely, gleaming gold platted mansion. My whole Itunes has gone
No more listening to the delights of Thomas Dolby, "She blinded me with science" and Alexi Sayle's "allo john, gotta new motor?". I am literally at the point of suicide here, even my facebook and twitter have bleeding gone. The only thing that works, of all things, is my NSC account 2. Flies from the recycling bin. Yeah they can do one as well. Every day I go to open the kitchen door and a hoard of angry flies burst in and begin to land on food and shit over everything. Why must the do it? The bin placed outside the house is no longer good enough for them so they must seek refuge in a lovely, warm central heated, middle class house with no f***ing computer
. There are literally thousands upon thousands buzzing around and they have taken a particular liking to avocado and prawn salads! f*** you!!! that is my bastard salad, go and eat some of the rubbish that you miraculously spawned from and will no doubt eat anyway after you have polished off my cavaier and dodo egg platter. Oh great, now they have gone for the cat, my best feline friend will probably be a stuffed toy by this time tomorrow. 3.The cat. Why wont it just f*** off. So what you haven't got any food? go and kill a mouse and eat it. What you've got no water? didn't know I was the barman round here. It really is annoying me. Not only has it become nocturnal which is a pain in the ass considering it is too fat too fit through a cat flap so we have to open and close doors for oh great one thus letting flies seep in through the void where food is prepared, it has also started up it's very own choir with next doors tabby and two foxes and my the noise they make is simply music to me ear's at 4 a.m. as you can imagine
If Whitney Huston was deaf and sung through a load speaker while on acid that is what my cat and his mates sound like. If Hear Say got back together and sung a duet with Vladamir Putin and Andy Gray that is what it sounds like. It also eats us out of house and home along with those god damn flies. 4. The dictionary. I am looking at this monumental book of intelligence with envy. It is laughing at me with all it's words and phrases such as pleb and binfest. It has hundreds of words that could mock and shame me for clicking yes to that f***ing nicely nicely how's your monkey? disk check
I wish it would f*** off. So what you can give me a definition for cornucopia and onomatopoeia? I can give you a definition for "go f*** yourself" it is actually on par in terms of hatred with the Da Vinci Code. Come on, what a load of old cobblers that is, give me "Where's Wolly?" any day.
5. Preston Park. Must everyone as soon as the weather hit's 12 degrees go over there and have a f***ing pick nic? It seems to be the meeting point of the brighton middle class mafia. Everyone congregates there to be so radical and hip and throw Frisbee's and various annoying breakable and pain causing things around while reading some pointless read like the stupid magazine for the 5 ways area. Why should those nobs up there have there own fricking mini magazine made to report on news with a radius of the co-op and Raven's bakery? I could give you a more interesting article each week about my SHIT than that.
6. The green party. Please can we stop voting for them in this area just to make Brighton seem this really zany and individual place? Brighton is a good enough place to eat, sleep and drink without those twats here. HBB made a good point about one of there policies before, not that they will EVER in a million years get a majority vote yet it shows you what a jumped up load of hippy toss pot's they really are.
A few brief mentions:
. Michael Buble. What a load of drivel his soppy music really is. If he is on any sort of mediocre chat show again I am going to ram all those countless cover versions he has made down his throat so he can never utter another note.
. Avocado's. Are they actually ever ripe? Answer: NO. They are a complete waste of money and we should stop importing them immediately.
. Politician's. Just run the country via an internet message board and use smiles to depict what you think of policies.
. Coconuts. you have to physically RAPE them to get them open and when you do you are met with a liquid that tastes like cat piss and some horribly hard, white chalky thing to eat. Again, stop importing them.
George Michael, Ox-bow lakes, Heston blumenthal, Pencil's, Paper, robotic dogs, poems, Papa Bouba Diop, the number 9, Hitler, Siamese twins, doctor do little, Papa New guinea, carling, Shopping trolley's, Andy Gray, mantle pieces, Doors, Ikea, Allo, Allo, Dad's army, KFC, Pork, Ian rankin, Sheffield Wednesday, ply wood, Aliens, Washington, alabama, John Travolta, Jennifer Lopez, Tuna, When Harry met Sally, Paul Merson, frasier, Loose Women, Broad Beans, Luton Town, Guilford, Glastonbury, Aldi, Bananas, pine tree's, Candles, pin cushions, Lorries, Road works, The game of life, remote control boats, Andy Warhol, Joana lumely on the nile...
YOU CAN ALL DO ONE AS WELL!!!
Apologies, UP THE ALBION, UP THE GUS BUS, THE CHAMPIONSHIP HERE WE COME!!!!! (OPINION APPRECIATED)
