How Do You Mend A Broken Heart ?

[El Presidente]

IMO you had not recovered from your divorce when you met her, and we're in denial that there were insurmountable issues in the new relationship. If she had any genuine feelings for you she would have not written that letter, although I suspect it was written to justify her own behaviour and lack of self esteem rather than aim to hurt you.

My advice, join a gym, get into a routine of exercise and set yourself targets related to that, see the Albion a bit more. Try Internet dating, not now, you are still too raw, but give yourself a target date of perhaps 3-6 months before you start. The more occupied you are the easier it is to deal with.

 

[Goldstone Rapper]

Why would someone do this? Because they can feel better about themselves by making someone else (ie you) feel worse. If she was truly happy in her new relationship, she wouldn't feel the need to do this to you, which also suggests that the garden isn't as rosy as she's trying to make out.

Mate - I would thank your lucky stars you're out of such an abusive relationship. This doesn't sound like someone who is your friend in any way shape or form. She wants to make you feel like a victim to make herself feel better (like kicking a dog). Don't let yourself be that victim. Move on.

Great insight. Rings very true.

Also, could you please set him up with a lovely NSC 'Daft Bint'?

 

[Beach Hut]

I would steer clear as the history seems too much

 

[Goldstone Rapper]

I think it's a situation all of us have been in, most probably. I would also advise the OP not to make any attempt at contact with his ex for at least a month. Not one call, not one email, not one text. Spend that time doing useful things, such as what El Presidente advises, like going to the gym getting those endorphins working in your body.

 

[life on mars 73]

Many thanks to everyone who has taken the time and trouble to reply - much appreciated. The message coming through loud and clear is to be positive, get involved with feel-good, constructive activities, and try to avoid all contact with the past. Seems like sound advice. Cheers.

 

[Evil Edna]

I was in an abusive relationship have just split up with them as I could not take them bringing me down no more. I just want to have me time now and get my head back in the right place! Now I've got more time for my bike so will spend a lot more time out on that. My one regret from last summer was not spending enough time out on my cbr. Now I got all the time in the world. Am I happy? Yes very much so.

 

[upthealbion1970]

I was in an abusive relationship have just split up with them as I could not take them bringing me down no more. I just want to have me time now and get my head back in the right place! Now I've got more time for my bike so will spend a lot more time out on that. My one regret from last summer was not spending enough time out on my cbr. Now I got all the time in the world. Am I happy? Yes very much so.

You've left ajay's then

 

[brunswick]

breath.....ppl come and go.

love is an energy field.....you can find it in nature......the concept or "loving someone" that is not blood comes from one thing, focusing awareness on them.

more your focus away from her, fill your focus with something that really serves you and your evolution soon she will be a distant lesson that you learnt from.

 

[Evil Edna]

You've left ajay's then

Did leave then went back *doh*

 

[upthealbion1970]

Did leave then went back *doh*

 

[Mutts Nuts]

Remember the good times and wank yourself silly over the memories ! There's nothing better than having one off the wrist over an ex girlfriend !

Good advice that you would only get on a forum such as this

 

[JetsetJimbo]

I'm guessing from the timescales that I'm a bit younger than the OP, but I've been in two relationships in the past with women who, from the sound of it, were similar. Tantrums, alcohol (always seems to be alcohol involved), emotional instability, volatility... and yet you can't help feeling the way you do and keep convincing yourself that things will get better. They don't.

One of them was a relationship while I was at university about ten years ago. I fairly recently heard from a mutual acquaintance how her life has gone in the mean time. She's still with the guy she left me for all those years ago, but hearing about what the poor sod has had to deal with was a real eye-opener. I used to be really jealous that he'd "nicked my girlfriend" (stupid view, I know, I was young). Now I genuinely pity him, I don't think my sanity could have survived the things he's had to put up with.

This might not help a lot right now, but it sounds like you've really dodged a bullet. I mean, I know that if I'm ever lucky enough to meet the "love of my life" and if I'm ever "about to get married", the furthest thing from my mind would be trying to make my exes feel bad about it.

I know it's hard to do, but imagine a dear friend of yours, someone you liked and respected, was in your place. What would your honest advice to him be? The problem is that all this harmful emotional turbulence can be strangely addictive, sometimes you need to take a step back and try and look at yourself through someone else's eyes.

 

[Mutts Nuts]

One of the things I really like about NSC is the way that people discuss all sorts of non-football matters in a really supportive way, so I'm wondering who out there can give me a bit of advice.

Briefly, my story : was married for over 20 years, until I discovered that my wife had been carrying on a very tacky affair with a guy I knew well. Was shocked and dismayed, and decided to divorce her, as the thing was dead in the water.

On the rebound, I met up, Friends Reunited style, with my first love, to see what could be rekindled. At first things were great, but I quickly came to see that she had a host of problems - serious alcohol issues, violent temper, ghastly history, dysfunctional children, the list goes on.

But despite the many horrible scenes she caused, I still loved her, and tried to keep it going. But I was basically in denial about what a car-crash she was.

Slowly, I had to edge away, which was difficult, but I was increasingly worried about her unpredictable moodswings, the boozing, the paranoia, the intimidation. Still loved her though.

Eventually, after a couple of years, we still spoke sometimes, occasionally met up, but these meeting usually ended up badly. But I still wanted her and missed her, despite all the crap. Still loved her, although I shouldn't have.


Just recently, she wrote to me triumphantly, telling me that she never wants to hear from me again, as she's met the love of her life, and is soon to be married.

Now, logically, this shouldn't matter, but it does and it's hurting like hell, leaving me really sad and despondent.

Can't seem to get out of this, and it's blighting my life right now, filling me with self-doubt and negativity, and thus making it harder for me to go out and meet new people in a positive way.

Any advice ?

Go out and enjoy being single and doing exactly what you want, when you want, with who you want.

 

[terryberry1]

Get yourself on a dating site and start looking again. Ex's are Ex's for a reason. Plenty of fish is free and full of filth's........... So I'm told. Fill your boots

 

[CorgiRegisteredFriend]

Lots of very helpful advice on here.
Agree that it is best to keep as busy as is possible. The times you are alone will be the hardest. Plus if you wake up at night and cant sleep- everything appears a hundred times worse then.
I have to say though this girl does not sound the best of the bunch and you probably deserve better and in time will find it.