Game for Monday morning - NSC PBM Football Championship

[The Great Cornholio]

OK - Here's the deal. After the success of the Vic 20 championship on Friday, I've scouted around the net and found an interesting piece of software. Basically, it is designed to run a Play By Mail football game but it looks as if I can hack it to our advantage. Basically, it takes 2 teamsheets and then simulates a game.

Not sure how successful this will be as I've only had a quick play with it. I can only run the game until midday as I've got to go to London this afternoon. I'll try and create a league table as we go.

OK - whose up for a go? What I need is a Team Name (A one word name - nothing obscene please)

Then, your team sheet. I need it in the following format :-

GK Kuipers
DF Watson
DF Mayo
DF Cullip
DF Butters
MF Jones
MF Carpenter
MF Oatway
MF Hart
FW Knight
FW Benjamin

Subs

GK Roberts
DF Virgo
MF Harding
DF ElAbd
FW McPhee
MF Marney
DF Pethick


Please note the order of the subs positions needs to be kept as I will be copying a template file to set up teams - I won't have time to edit positions so you'll have to only have one FW sub and like it!


That should be that - I won't run it as a proper PBM because that would take far too long. I'll just play games and post results/scorers etc.

Anybody up for it? I will accept no responsibility if it turns out to be
but I'll take all the plaudits if you enjoy it!

Please note - I will have to set a cut off team for entries of 9.30 as I will need to do a bit of setting up before games can start.

 

[Artois]

Entendres

GK Rude
DF Naughty
DF Obscene
DF Cheeky
DF Outrageous
MF Sexy
MF Funny
MF Sick
MF Gross
FW Dirty
FW Perverted

Subs

GK Banter
DF Joke
MF Gag
DF Wit
FW Comedy
MF Hilarity
DF Merry

 

[Albion Rob]

LIZARDSPLUSGUESTS

GK Albion Rob
DF Chappers
DF Crabbers
DF Chemical Brother
DF Trigger
MF Safeway
MF Lennon
MF Markus
MF Artois
FW Toblerone
FW Brunning

Subs

GK Trotster
DF Bigfanofcullip
DF Raphael Meade
MF BAG
MF JBH
FW Faldo
FW Italiaseagull

 

[Kylies Stunt Arse]

Primate!

GK Gibbon
DF Spider
DF Ape
DF Baboon
DF Orang
MF Utang
MF Chimp
MF Anzee
MF Reid
FW Pigsy
FW Monkey

Subs

GK Swingers
DF Hairy
MF Knuckle
DF Draggers
FW Tripitaka
MF Sandy
DF Pethick

 

[Simster]

The ACE Franks

GK Bruno
DF Bough
DF 'enstein
DF Sinatra
DF Butcher
MD Rijkaard
MD Spencer
MD Bod Postie
MD Skinner
FD Worthington
FD bhaexpress

Subs:
GK Kappa
DF Office Frank machine
MD 'ferter
FD 'enstein
FD Dobson

 

[The Great Cornholio]

OK - we'll call time as we've got 4 teams. I'll post a demo game in a mo.

 

[The Great Cornholio]

Here's a sample game for info only - I'll add the other 2 teams and start a mini league in a few minutes .

 

[Albion Rob]

TGC - I can't seem to open it on my computer. It says I have to open it with an application of my choice. What the f***? Can you suggest an application or are my PBM days numbered?

 

[The Great Cornholio]

Don't worry Rob - I'll cut and paste the text. Problem is that smilies appear due to the way it is formatted but I'll try and get around it.

OK - all 4 teams are entered - the first fixtures are :-

Entendres v lizards
Primates v Franks

Details to follow shortly

 

[Albion Rob]

I've assembled a CRACK team to destroy you BINNERS.

Are you playing ultra-defensive again Simster?

 

[The Great Cornholio]

OK - Entendres v Lizard Match Report

entendres starts the game playing 4-4-2 N
lizards starts the game playing 4-4-2 N

Min. 4 : (lizards) safeway with a nasty foul
... The ref warns him
Min. 6 : (lizards) artois slides the ball across to markus
... markus chases it through, he must score !
... Over the bar
Min. 14 : (lizards) raphaelmeade with a precise pass to Toblerone
... Naughty gets in the way and wins the ball
Min. 17 : (entendres) Perverted with a real burst of pace
... But Chappers reads the situation well and wins the ball
Min. 17 : (entendres) Outrageous fouls badly
... The ref warns him
Min. 17 : (lizards) lennon passes the ball to Toblerone
... Toblerone with the strike !
... Rude parries it
Min. 19 : (entendres) Funny with a real burst of pace
... Funny with the shot !
... But he puts it wide
Min. 21 : (lizards) Trigger injured. He's unable to continue
Min. 21 : (lizards) BAG will come on for Trigger and play DF
Min. 28 : (entendres) Merry finds his way through
... Merry with the shot !
... But AlbionRob with the difficult save
Min. 29 : (entendres) Naughty passes the ball to Perverted
... But Bigfanofcull clears the danger
Min. 29 : (entendres) Joke with a nasty foul
... He gets a yellow card
Min. 32 : (lizards) BAG finds his way through
... BAG tries to beat the keeper !
... But it goes just over
Min. 35 : (entendres) Perverted finds his way through
... Perverted tries to beat the keeper !
... GOAL !!
... entendres 1-0 lizards ...
Min. 40 : (entendres) Naughty with a nasty foul
... He gets a yellow card
Min. 42 : (entendres) Joke passes the ball to Perverted
... Perverted with the strike !
... But AlbionRob reaches the ball. Good save
Min. 42 : (lizards) Brunning takes possesion
... Brunning tries to beat the keeper !
... But Rude reaches the ball. Good save

************* HALF TIME ****************

Min. 46 : (entendres) Sick passes the ball to Joke
... Joke tries to chip the ball over the keeper !
... AlbionRob parries it
Min. 52 : (entendres) Outrageous cuts through the defense
... Blocked by Chappers
Min. 55 : (lizards) BAG with a glorious long pass to Toblerone
... Toblerone is one of one with the keeper, he shoots !
... But he puts it into the crowd
Min. 59 : (entendres) Perverted takes possesion
... But lennon wins the ball with a sliding challenge
Min. 60 : (entendres) Gross cuts the ball back to Dirty
... Dirty tries to beat the keeper !
... AlbionRob gathers it comfortably
Min. 63 : (entendres) Sexy heads the ball down to Merry
... Merry chases it through, he must score !
... AlbionRob makes a comfortable save
Min. 70 : (entendres) Funny with the dribble
... Funny with the strike !
... GOAL !!
... entendres 2-0 lizards ...
Min. 70 : (lizards) BAG with the dribble
... BAG with the strike !
... Wide of goal
Min. 73 : (lizards) Brunning sidesteps his marker
... Brunning shoots towards goal !
... It goes wide for a goal kick
Min. 74 : (entendres) Sick finds Perverted in the box
... Perverted tries to beat the keeper !
... But it clips the post and goes wide
Min. 76 : (entendres) Dirty with a real burst of pace
... Dirty tries to chip the ball over the keeper !
... GOAL !!
... entendres 3-0 lizards ...
Min. 76 : (lizards) lennon finds BAG in the box
... BAG tries to beat the keeper !
... Rude makes a good save
Min. 79 : (lizards) raphaelmeade beats his marker
... raphaelmeade with the strike !
... But he puts it wide
Min. 80 : (entendres) Naughty slides the ball across to Dirty
... Dirty tries to chip the ball over the keeper !
... But it clips the post and goes wide
Min. 83 : (entendres) Funny passes the ball to Perverted
... Perverted chases it through, he must score !
... But he puts it into the crowd
Min. 88 : (entendres) Funny with a glorious long pass to Perverted
... Perverted shoots towards goal !
... Wide of goal


Shots off target : entendres 5 lizards 6
Shots on target : entendres 8 lizards 3

Score : entendres 3 lizards 0

 

[The Great Cornholio]

Primates v Franks Match Report :-

primate starts the game playing 4-4-2 N
franks starts the game playing 4-4-2 N

Min. 2 : (franks) ensteinagain with a glorious long pass to office
... Hairy wins the ball with a clear tackle
Min. 6 : (franks) office cuts through the defense
... A vicious shot by office !
... GOAL !!
... primate 0-1 franks ...
Min. 7 : (primate) Pigsy with the foul
... The ref warns him
Min. 16 : (primate) Pigsy cuts through the defense
... But Spencer clears the ball to safety
Min. 18 : (franks) ensteinagain with the heel pass to bhaexpress
... bhaexpress goes for goal !
... But it goes wide of the post
Min. 19 : (primate) Monkey takes advantage of a defensive mistake
... Monkey shoots towards goal !
... But it goes wide
Min. 20 : (primate) Reid heads the ball down to Monkey
... Intercepted by bhaexpress
Min. 27 : (primate) Pigsy with a flashy move
... But Bough reads the situation well and wins the ball
Min. 28 : (franks) ensteinagain heads the ball down to office
... office shoots towards goal !
... It goes wide for a goal kick
Min. 29 : (franks) Spencer with a nasty foul
... He is booked for that one
Min. 33 : (primate) Reid with a smart pass to Monkey
... Monkey tries to chip the ball over the keeper !
... But it goes just over
Min. 35 : (primate) Hairy passes the ball to Spider
... A powerful shot by Spider !
... But it clips the post and goes wide
Min. 36 : (primate) Hairy with the dribble
... Hairy goes for goal !
... Bruno makes a comfortable save
Min. 38 : (primate) Anzee with a glorious long pass to Spider
... But Bough reads the situation well and wins the ball
Min. 38 : (franks) ensteinagain with a flashy move
... ensteinagain with the shot !
... GOAL !!
... primate 0-2 franks ...
Min. 39 : (primate) Utang finds Spider in the box
... Cleared by Rijkaard
Min. 45 : (primate) Monkey with a flashy move
... But Bough clears the ball to safety

************* HALF TIME ****************

Min. 46 : (primate) Orang heads the ball down to Monkey
... A powerful shot by Monkey !
... Bruno parries it
Min. 46 : (franks) enstein finds office in the box
... But Spider reads the situation well and wins the ball
Min. 49 : (primate) Chimp cuts the ball back to Draggers
... Intercepted by Rijkaard
Min. 51 : (primate) Chimp finds Pigsy in the box
... Pigsy is one of one with the keeper, he shoots !
... Wide of goal
Min. 54 : (primate) Reid with a precise pass to Monkey
... Monkey with the strike !
... Over the bar
Min. 57 : (franks) Rijkaard passes the ball to office
... Intercepted by Spider
Min. 61 : (primate) Monkey takes advantage of a defensive mistake
... But enstein clears the ball to safety
Min. 63 : (primate) Reid with the heel pass to Hairy
... Hairy tries to beat the keeper !
... But it goes wide of the post
Min. 63 : (franks) bhaexpress finds his way through
... A powerful shot by bhaexpress !
... But Gibbon with the difficult save
Min. 66 : (primate) Utang with a smart pass to Pigsy
... Pigsy shoots towards goal !
... Over the bar
Min. 68 : (primate) Draggers heads the ball down to Pigsy
... Pigsy chases it through, he must score !
... But Bruno punches it away
Min. 71 : (franks) ensteinagain with the foul
... The ref warns him
Min. 73 : (primate) Pigsy with an ugly foul
... He gets a yellow card
Min. 80 : (franks) Skinner with the heel pass to office
... office tries to beat the keeper !
... But Gibbon makes a fine save
Min. 81 : (primate) Utang with an ugly foul
... He gets a yellow card
Min. 81 : (franks) ensteinagain with a precise pass to Ferter
... But Spider clears the danger
Min. 83 : (franks) office bursts forward
... office is one of one with the keeper, he shoots !
... GOAL !!
... primate 0-3 franks ...


Shots off target : primate 7 franks 2
Shots on target : primate 3 franks 5

Score : primate 0 franks 3

 

[Albion Rob]

FFS, useless bastards.

 

[The Great Cornholio]

Next Games :-

Primates v Lizards
Franks v Entendres

 

[Simster]

Haha. Beaten by two strikers from, erm, the office franking machine.

 

[The Great Cornholio]

Primates v Lizards report :-

primate starts the game playing 4-4-2 N
lizards starts the game playing 4-4-2 N

Min. 7 : (primate) Reid with the heel pass to Utang
... A powerful shot by Utang !
... GOAL !!
... primate 1-0 lizards ...
Min. 7 : (lizards) safeway cuts the ball back to Brunning
... A powerful shot by Brunning !
... But Gibbon reaches the ball. Good save
Min. 8 : (lizards) markus with a precise pass to Toblerone
... But Orang wins the ball with a sliding challenge
Min. 10 : (primate) Utang takes possesion
... A vicious shot by Utang !
... Wide of goal
Min. 16 : (primate) Monkey sidesteps his marker
... Monkey with the shot !
... But it whistles just past the post
Min. 23 : (primate) Utang passes the ball to Pigsy
... Toblerone gets in the way and wins the ball
Min. 25 : (primate) Utang with a glorious long pass to Pigsy
... But Trigger wins the ball with a sliding challenge
Min. 28 : (lizards) raphaelmeade with a bad challenge
... The ref warns him
Min. 29 : (primate) Anzee with a smart pass to Draggers
... Draggers tries to chip the ball over the keeper !
... But AlbionRob punches it away
Min. 30 : (primate) Anzee with the heel pass to Monkey
... A powerful shot by Monkey !
... But AlbionRob reaches the ball. Good save
Min. 33 : (lizards) Toblerone bursts forward
... Blocked by Draggers

************* HALF TIME ****************

Min. 47 : (lizards) safeway with the heel pass to Brunning
... But Hairy wins the tackle
Min. 48 : (primate) Chimp plays a long ball to Anzee
... Anzee goes for goal !
... AlbionRob gathers it comfortably
Min. 51 : (lizards) Toblerone takes possesion
... Toblerone with the shot !
... Gibbon makes a comfortable save
Min. 54 : (primate) Utang with a flashy move
... Utang tries to chip the ball over the keeper !
... But it goes wide
Min. 54 : (lizards) markus heads the ball down to Brunning
... Brunning goes for goal !
... But it goes just over
Min. 62 : (primate) Reid passes the ball to Monkey
... Monkey with the shot !
... GOAL !!
... primate 2-0 lizards ...
Min. 62 : (primate) Utang fouls badly
... The referee calls him for a talk
Min. 62 : (lizards) Chappers plays a long ball to lennon
... Cleared by Pigsy
Min. 66 : (primate) Reid finds his way through
... Cleared by Chappers
Min. 69 : (primate) Gibbon injured. He's unable to continue
Min. 69 : (primate) Swingers will come on for Gibbon and play GK
Min. 70 : (lizards) Toblerone with the heel pass to Brunning
... A powerful shot by Brunning !
... Swingers makes a difficult save
Min. 70 : (lizards) artois fouls badly
... The referee calls him for a talk
Min. 73 : (primate) Pigsy falls badly. He's unable to continue
Min. 73 : (primate) Tripitaka will come on for Pigsy and play FW
Min. 75 : (primate) Reid with the heel pass to Monkey
... Monkey shoots towards goal !
... Saved by AlbionRob
Min. 76 : (lizards) lennon with a bad challenge
... Shown a yellow card
Min. 77 : (primate) Utang finds Tripitaka in the box
... But raphaelmeade clears the ball to safety
Min. 78 : (lizards) lennon slides the ball across to Brunning
... But Hairy reads the situation well and wins the ball
Min. 79 : (primate) Monkey finds his way through
... Monkey with the strike !
... But it clips the post and goes wide
Min. 81 : (primate) Utang with a real burst of pace
... Utang chases it through, he must score !
... But he puts it wide
Min. 82 : (lizards) lennon with a smart pass to Brunning
... But Spider reads the situation well and wins the ball
Min. 83 : (primate) Tripitaka sidesteps his marker
... Tripitaka with the strike !
... GOAL !!
... But it's been disallowed. The referee spotted something
Min. 90 : (lizards) safeway with a glorious long pass to Brunning
... Brunning chases it through, he must score !
... But it clips the post and goes wide


Shots off target : primate 5 lizards 2
Shots on target : primate 7 lizards 3

Score : primate 2 lizards 0

 

[Albion Rob]

God, we're bad.

 

[The Great Cornholio]

Franks v Entendres match report :-

franks starts the game playing 4-4-2 N
entendres starts the game playing 4-4-2 N

Min. 2 : (entendres) Gross passes the ball to Perverted
... Cleared by enstein
Min. 7 : (franks) Skinner passes the ball to ensteinagain
... ensteinagain with the strike !
... But it goes wide of the post
Min. 9 : (franks) Bodpostie with a nasty foul
... The referee calls him for a talk
Min. 10 : (franks) ensteinagain slides the ball across to Skinner
... Joke gets in the way and wins the ball
Min. 11 : (franks) bhaexpress heads the ball down to Bough
... Bough goes for goal !
... But he puts it wide
Min. 14 : (entendres) Funny slides the ball across to Sick
... Sick with the strike !
... Bruno parries it
Min. 16 : (entendres) Funny finds his way through
... But Spencer reads the situation well and wins the ball
Min. 18 : (entendres) Gross slides the ball across to Perverted
... Perverted tries to chip the ball over the keeper !
... But it goes just over
Min. 20 : (franks) Bodpostie with a smart pass to enstein
... Intercepted by Outrageous
Min. 24 : (franks) ensteinagain heads the ball down to office
... office tries to chip the ball over the keeper !
... But Rude with the difficult save
Min. 29 : (franks) Ferter with a precise pass to Rijkaard
... But Joke wins the ball with a sliding challenge
Min. 31 : (entendres) Sick with a glorious long pass to Dirty
... Dirty tries to chip the ball over the keeper !
... Bruno makes a difficult save
Min. 32 : (entendres) Funny finds his way through
... Funny chases it through, he must score !
... Saved by Bruno
Min. 33 : (franks) office with a nasty foul
... He is booked for that one
Min. 36 : (entendres) Sick fouls badly
... Shown a yellow card
Min. 38 : (franks) office passes the ball to bhaexpress
... But Naughty wins the ball with a sliding challenge
Min. 38 : (entendres) Sexy cuts the ball back to Dirty
... Dirty tries to beat the keeper !
... But he puts it wide
Min. 39 : (entendres) Sick plays a long ball to Perverted
... Perverted goes for goal !
... But it whistles just past the post
Min. 40 : (franks) Bodpostie with a smart pass to office
... But Merry clears the ball to safety
Min. 43 : (entendres) Dirty cuts the ball back to Perverted
... Spencer gets in the way and wins the ball

************* HALF TIME ****************

Min. 48 : (franks) Bodpostie with the heel pass to office
... office with the strike !
... But it goes just over
Min. 50 : (franks) ensteinagain finds bhaexpress in the box
... bhaexpress chases it through, he must score !
... But Rude reaches the ball. Good save
Min. 51 : (franks) Skinner plays a long ball to bhaexpress
... bhaexpress tries to beat the keeper !
... Over the bar
Min. 52 : (entendres) Gross with a smart pass to Perverted
... But enstein wins the tackle
Min. 53 : (franks) Ferter finds Skinner in the box
... But Naughty wins the tackle
Min. 53 : (entendres) Sexy sidesteps his marker
... But Rijkaard reads the situation well and wins the ball
Min. 54 : (franks) Rijkaard heads the ball down to office
... Naughty wins the ball with a clear tackle
Min. 56 : (franks) Skinner with the heel pass to bhaexpress
... bhaexpress with the shot !
... But Rude reaches the ball. Good save
Min. 57 : (franks) Skinner with a flashy move
... Skinner goes for goal !
... But he puts it into the crowd
Min. 67 : (entendres) Merry plays a long ball to Dirty
... But Rijkaard clears the danger
Min. 68 : (entendres) Gross slides the ball across to Perverted
... A vicious shot by Perverted !
... GOAL !!
... franks 0-1 entendres ...
Min. 69 : (entendres) Naughty finds a hole in the defense
... Cleared by enstein
Min. 71 : (entendres) Perverted with the heel pass to Dirty
... But Bough clears the ball to safety
Min. 79 : (entendres) Sexy plays a long ball to Dirty
... Dirty with the shot !
... GOAL !!
... franks 0-2 entendres ...
Min. 83 : (franks) Rijkaard heads the ball down to office
... office with the strike !
... Rude makes a comfortable save
Min. 84 : (franks) enstein finds himself in a good position
... Intercepted by Naughty
Min. 88 : (franks) office with the dribble
... A vicious shot by office !
... But it whistles just past the post


Shots off target : franks 6 entendres 3
Shots on target : franks 4 entendres 5

Score : franks 0 entendres 2

 

[Simster]

bollocks

 

[The Great Cornholio]

Next Games :-

Entendres v Franks
Lizards v Primates

Entendres v Franks match report :-

entendres starts the game playing 4-4-2 N
franks starts the game playing 4-4-2 N

Min. 6 : (entendres) Sexy fouls badly
... Shown a yellow card
Min. 7 : (entendres) Funny finds Perverted in the box
... A vicious shot by Perverted !
... Bruno makes a comfortable save
Min. 7 : (franks) enstein heads the ball down to Bodpostie
... Bodpostie tries to chip the ball over the keeper !
... But it goes wide of the post
Min. 8 : (franks) bhaexpress takes possesion
... Merry gets in the way and wins the ball
Min. 12 (entendres) Perverted with a precise pass to Gross
... But Spencer clears the ball to safety
Min. 20 : (franks) Skinner cuts the ball back to enstein
... Intercepted by Merry
Min. 22 : (entendres) Dirty finds himself in a good position
... Cleared by enstein
Min. 24 : (entendres) Sexy finds a hole in the defense
... But Spencer clears the danger
Min. 27 : (franks) Ferter with a glorious long pass to Rijkaard
... Rijkaard is one of one with the keeper, he shoots !
... Over the bar
Min. 28 : (entendres) Dirty finds Funny in the box
... Funny with the strike !
... Bruno makes a comfortable save
Min. 30 : (franks) enstein slides the ball across to bhaexpress
... bhaexpress shoots towards goal !
... Rude makes a good save
Min. 36 : (entendres) Sick slides the ball across to Perverted
... Perverted is one of one with the keeper, he shoots !
... GOAL !!
... entendres 1-0 franks ...
Min. 38 : (franks) Skinner passes the ball to office
... office tries to beat the keeper !
... But it goes just over
Min. 39 : (entendres) Perverted finds his way through
... Perverted shoots towards goal !
... Wide of goal

************* HALF TIME ****************

Min. 46 : (entendres) Dirty takes advantage of a defensive mistake
... Dirty goes for goal !
... GOAL !!
... entendres 2-0 franks ...
Min. 48 : (entendres) Sexy with a nasty foul
... The ref warns him
Min. 53 : (franks) bhaexpress finds his way through
... bhaexpress is one of one with the keeper, he shoots !
... Over the bar
Min. 57 : (entendres) Sick heads the ball down to Perverted
... Perverted with the shot !
... But Bruno reaches the ball. Good save
Min. 60 : (entendres) Funny with the heel pass to Perverted
... Perverted shoots towards goal !
... But it goes wide
Min. 61 : (entendres) Dirty finds his way through
... A powerful shot by Dirty !
... But he puts it into the crowd
Min. 62 : (entendres) Dirty beats his marker
... Skinner wins the ball with a clear tackle
Min. 63 : (entendres) Outrageous slides the ball across to Dirty
... Dirty tries to chip the ball over the keeper !
... But it goes wide
Min. 64 : (franks) bhaexpress with a flashy move
... bhaexpress chases it through, he must score !
... Saved by Rude
Min. 70 : (franks) office with the foul
... He gets a yellow card
Min. 72 : (entendres) Perverted slides the ball across to Dirty
... Blocked by Spencer
Min. 76 : (entendres) Gross finds himself in a good position
... Gross with the shot !
... Wide of goal
Min. 77 : (entendres) Dirty with the dribble
... But Spencer clears the ball to safety
Min. 82 : (franks) office with the dribble
... A vicious shot by office !
... GOAL !!
... entendres 2-1 franks ...
Min. 87 : (entendres) Merry with the foul
... Shown a yellow card

Shots off target : entendres 5 franks 4
Shots on target : entendres 5 franks 3

Score : entendres 2 franks 1