For the first time in my life...

[The Large One]

I just got shat on by a seagull. Orrible, nasty, spiteful little bastard.

One day, I am going to catch a seagull, wring its f***ing neck until it's immobile, but not yet dead, and make it watch as I shit all over its chicks, then shit over the little git until it suffocated. Only by that process could I consider that the equaliser.

Note to LDC lawyers and CPS: I am joking

 

[Uncle Buck]

Just feed it baking soda.

 

[The Large One]

Just feed it baking soda.

I'll SHIT it baking soda.

SHIT OUT.

 

[Uncle Buck]

I'll SHIT it baking soda.

SHIT OUT.

Will it still explode?

 

[Scarface]

I had one knick my ice cream once. The xxxx waited on the roof of the shop above the door and swooped over my shoulder when i came out! I was only about 8

 

[The Large One]

Will it still explode?

My arse or the bastard seagull? Either suits me.

 

[Simon Morgan]

I just got shat on by a seagull. Orrible, nasty, spiteful little bastard.

One day, I am going to catch a seagull, wring its f***ing neck until it's immobile, but not yet dead, and make it watch as I shit all over its chicks, then shit over the little git until it suffocated. Only by that process could I consider that the equaliser.

Note to LDC lawyers and CPS: I am joking

 

[The Antikythera Mechanism]

I take it that it wasn't a herring gull as they're the big bastards that shit a teacup full at a time.

What you want to do is hire a Harris Hawk

That'll sort the buggers out

 

[Man of Harveys]

It's a foul experience, it's happened to me 2-3 times. The volume of what hits you is what hits you - the first time it happened to me was in West Street and the amount of liquid made me look up to see who'd emptied their pint glass over my head. But then, THAT stench kicks in quickly...

 

[Uncle Buck]

My arse or the bastard seagull? Either suits me.

Legend has it that if birds (the ones with wings that fly) eat enough baking soda, their stomachs will explode.

Anyone bored this afternoon?

 

[The Large One]

Actually, this wasn't the usual white/grey precipitate that could be marketed as weapons-grade adhesive. That's the worrying thing, it was a globule of pure brown, that felt I had been hit by a pebble that had exploded. Which in effect is what happened.

It felt like someone had thrown a stone at me, (it was on my back in the middle of my shoulders) and I thought it was some pikey tosser here on Western Road. Only when I heard the bastard seagull screeching with laughter did I realise that I had in fact been faecally de-flowered.

 

[The Large One]

Legend has it that if birds (the ones with wings that fly) eat enough baking soda, their stomachs will explode.

Anyone bored this afternoon?

Apparently, it's true. They only have a one-way gullet and cannot burp. Quality.

 

[Uncle Buck]

Apparently, it's true. They only have a one-way gullet and cannot burp. Quality.

Another month or so and loads of them start appearing on the roof opposite my flat.

Could be something to do once the sods have woken me up at 5am....

 

[The Large One]

Another month or so and loads of them start appearing on the roof opposite my flat.

Could be something to do once the sods have woken me up at 5am....

THINKS... Does this mean that we could feed them soda bread, and watch them inflate...?

 

[Uncle Buck]

THINKS... Does this mean that we could feed them soda bread, and watch them inflate...?

Got to be worth a true.

I kind of like the idea of the lazy arsed cartaker at our flats having to clear the various remains of exploded seagulls up each morning.

This summer could be great....

 

[The Large One]

Got to be worth a true.

I kind of like the idea of the lazy arsed cartaker at our flats having to clear the various remains of exploded seagulls up each morning.

This summer could be great....

'Me and my Mum went for a walk and we fed the seagulls. Then Uncle Buck turned up with some baking soda, a clay pigeon launcher and an Uzi...'

 

[view]

My first post

I remember once a few summers ago eating lunch and a bunch of seagulls flew over my head dropping a dead fish within feet of me, i was less than impressed but still managed to finish my big mac!

does that baking soda trick work? i remember trying to feed it to pidgeons when i was a bit younger and never saw one explode despite my best efforts

 

[Uncle Buck]

'Me and my Mum went for a walk and we fed the seagulls. Then Uncle Buck turned up with some baking soda, a clay pigeon launcher and an Uzi...'

You have seen me in Preston Park before then?

 

[tedebear]

don't know about the baking soda but exlax works a treat on the dogs around here who shit out the back of our workshop - haven't had any doggy doo there for months!! hopefully they let their bowels go at home on their owners carpets!!

 

[zefarelly]

I think the state should pay £1 for every dead pigeon and seagull you present to them. in cash.

and pikey chavs scum as well, a tenner each for them cos you'd need a car to drag them to the incinerator and that costs