Fighting at funerals

[Juan Albion]

Anyone had any experience of this? Harty maybe?

In a couple of hours I have to do a funeral at a cemetery near here - it should be a short affair as the lady in question has already been cremated and we are only burying the ashes. But I met with the deceased's nephew last night and he tells me he will speak during the ceremony and he is going to tell the rest of his family exactly what he thinks of them, 'burning some bridges' as he put it. From my impression of him, this is likely to go badly, and if the rest of the family are anything like him, it could turn into a major brawl amongst the gravestones. Can't wait. . .

I had one that nearly went that way two years ago when the daughter of the deceased announced to everyone in the cemetery that the son of the deceased (that would be her brother - he was also present) had been molesting and abusing her all her life. Bloodletting was probably only avoided by the fact that she then fled the scene. . .

Some people, eh?

 

[Twinkle Toes]

Crikey! Sounds like a dead good bit of free entertainment to me..

 

[Starry]

mrs starry comes from a family of, well, red headed, hot headed, fond of the drink, irish.

all lovely people when they are on their own.

mrs starrys dear great grandmother passed away last year. it took ages to organise a funeral because no one would agree on anything. they had the wake, got drunk, fought over dumb stuff, they then had the family plot dug out, on the day her son decided he did not want her buried there but in the church nearest his home. that sparked ww3 between her children over who had provided best for mammy and who did the least, who had the best opinion, yada yada.

the small parish church in donegal has never seen a brawl like happened over where great grandmother should be laid to rest.

it was disgusting. she was a wonderful woman and would have clouted the lot of them over the head.

half the family are not speaking because of it to this day and they are still fighting over her will.

 

[Juan Albion]

That sounds a lot like this family, except the ancestry is Scottish, not Irish. Even the dead old lady, who was 74, was an alcoholic. I suspect some of those in attendance today won't be 100% sober. . .

The guy that is going to speak up is a very large gentleman, the stereotypical biker type, and if they are all like him it could be interesting. Am thinking of selling tickets. . .

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

That sounds a lot like this family, except the ancestry is Scottish, not Irish. Even the dead old lady, who was 74, was an alcoholic. I suspect some of those in attendance today won't be 100% sober. . .

The guy that is going to speak up is a very large gentleman, the stereotypical biker type, and if they are all like him it could be interesting. Am thinking of selling tickets. . .

We demand a full match report as soon as you get home

 

[Juan Albion]

Right, I'm heading off there now, but I do intend to try to persuade him to save his remarks until the reception (which I won't be going to).

Still, so long as I get paid. . .

 

[Juan Albion]

Complete letdown.

When I got there, the guy was all dressed up in his tough guy Hell's Angels jacket, beer in hand - and clearly not his first. And he assured me he was going to go through with it. But when it came to it (with me and the funeral director quaking in our boots) he completely bottled it. Like a pussycat, said a couple of lines and then just said 'Let's go eat.'

Maybe he'd had so many beers he couldn't remember.

But I did get paid.

 

[butchy]

Complete letdown.

When I got there, the guy was all dressed up in his tough guy Hell's Angels jacket, beer in hand - and clearly not his first. And he assured me he was going to go through with it. But when it came to it (with me and the funeral director quaking in our boots) he completely bottled it. Like a pussycat, said a couple of lines and then just said 'Let's go eat.'

Maybe he'd had so many beers he couldn't remember.

But I did get paid.

you should of hit him

 

[Juan Albion]

you should of hit him

I should have hit him.

 

[Cian]

Happens at pikey weddings, funerals, christenings, etc, etc, etc here. Most hotels refuse to deal with the aftermath, erm, after parties any more.

 

[DC Rules]

excuse my ignorance Juan Albion, but what exactly do you do?

 

[GNF on Tour]

excuse my ignorance Juan Albion, but what exactly do you do?

His the Bishop of Bath and Wells!

 

[Scotty Mac]

bugger

i was hoping for a blow by blow account

 

[Juan Albion]

His the Bishop of Bath and Wells!

No, I'm the baby-eating Bishop of Bath and Wells.

I must admit this all turned out to be a bit of a damp squib. However, I still expect to hear the sound of sirens heading in the direction of the reception.

 

[defrocked priest]

excuse my ignorance Juan Albion, but what exactly do you do?

My guess? he's a grave digger.

 

[Juan Albion]

My guess? he's a grave digger.

Close. Grave robber.

 

[Gully]

Special request Juan, given the lack of incident at the funeral you officiated over, can we have a thread about weddings...I reckon that NSC will be packed with stories of the funny, bizarre and insane...we manage to cover most other topics in that vein.