The Timekeeper
FAT BOY 'NOT' SLIM
THE POO LIST - A CONNOISSEURS GUIDE
GHOST POO:
You know you've pooed. There's poo on the toilet paper but not in the toilet. Where is it?
TEFLON POO:
So slick and easy you don't even feel it. No Trace of poo on the toilet paper. You have to look in the toilet to be sure you did it.
GOO POO:
This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe 12 times and you still don't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't soil it. Permanent skid marks are left in the bowl.
SECOND THOUGHTS POO:
You're all done wiping and about to stand up when you realise there's more to come.
POP A VEIN IN YOUR FOREHEAD POO:
This is the kind of poo that killed Elvis. It doesn't want to come out until you are all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.
WEIGHT WATCHERS POO:
You poo so much that you lose several kilograms.
RIGHT NOW POO:
You'd better be within 30 seconds of a toilet. You burn rubber getting there and it usually gets it's head out before you can get your pants down.
KING KONG POO:
This one's so big you don't think it will go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A wire coathanger usually does the job. This kind of poo usually happens in someone else's house.
CORK POO:
Also known as 'floaters'; even after the third flush it's still there, floating in the bowl. My God! How do I get rid of it?
WET CHEEKS POO:
This poo hits the water sideways and makes a bigger splash than the launching of the QEII soaking your starfish.
WISH POO:
You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no poo.
CEMENT BLOCK POO:
You wish you had got an epidural injection before you pooed.
SNAKE POO:
This poo is fairly soft, about as thick as your thumb and at least 3 foot long.
THE MORNING AFTER POO:
Happens the morning after the night before. Normally your poo doesn't smell that bad, but THIS ONE ... usually you're at someone else's house (often a girl you're trying to impress) and they're waiting outside the
bathroom.
MEXICAN FOOD POO:
Also called 'screamers' or 'ring stingers'; you know it's safe to eat again when your arse stops burning.
TNT POO:
This one explodes and deposits poo all round the bowl. Works best if you have been eating either sweetcorn or peanuts as it produces a nice pebble dashed effect.
GHOST POO:
You know you've pooed. There's poo on the toilet paper but not in the toilet. Where is it?
TEFLON POO:
So slick and easy you don't even feel it. No Trace of poo on the toilet paper. You have to look in the toilet to be sure you did it.
GOO POO:
This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe 12 times and you still don't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't soil it. Permanent skid marks are left in the bowl.
SECOND THOUGHTS POO:
You're all done wiping and about to stand up when you realise there's more to come.
POP A VEIN IN YOUR FOREHEAD POO:
This is the kind of poo that killed Elvis. It doesn't want to come out until you are all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.
WEIGHT WATCHERS POO:
You poo so much that you lose several kilograms.
RIGHT NOW POO:
You'd better be within 30 seconds of a toilet. You burn rubber getting there and it usually gets it's head out before you can get your pants down.
KING KONG POO:
This one's so big you don't think it will go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A wire coathanger usually does the job. This kind of poo usually happens in someone else's house.
CORK POO:
Also known as 'floaters'; even after the third flush it's still there, floating in the bowl. My God! How do I get rid of it?
WET CHEEKS POO:
This poo hits the water sideways and makes a bigger splash than the launching of the QEII soaking your starfish.
WISH POO:
You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no poo.
CEMENT BLOCK POO:
You wish you had got an epidural injection before you pooed.
SNAKE POO:
This poo is fairly soft, about as thick as your thumb and at least 3 foot long.
THE MORNING AFTER POO:
Happens the morning after the night before. Normally your poo doesn't smell that bad, but THIS ONE ... usually you're at someone else's house (often a girl you're trying to impress) and they're waiting outside the
bathroom.
MEXICAN FOOD POO:
Also called 'screamers' or 'ring stingers'; you know it's safe to eat again when your arse stops burning.
TNT POO:
This one explodes and deposits poo all round the bowl. Works best if you have been eating either sweetcorn or peanuts as it produces a nice pebble dashed effect.
