Taxman
I've got beautiful eyes
Dear Mr New Manager,
I am writing to you today to welcome you to our once great and proud club. As you may know, our previous manager was a bit clueless with a few things he did, I think the technical term used by some was "fuckwitted decisions that miff you."
We play in blue, whether at home or away or as a third choice. The players seem to perform extra special when they play in other teams kits.
We have two very good goalkeepers on our books, neither of them are able to kick a football where they intend, but they are both exceptional shot stoppers. We do not currently have a goal keeping coach, so you may want to address that problem.
We have a tremendous array of centre backs in our squad, if you do not like the current pairing then you will find some other centre backs in Nottingham, or upfront, in centre midfield or possibly on the right wing. You may need a neck brace to find out where their passes have gone.
We have a good right back too, but if you cannot find him, he may be playing a prank on you and be hiding on the left side of our defence.
We have pretty good midfielders in our ranks too. Most of them are very polite and like sitting on the covered bench on the side of the pitch just to let others get a game, who may not get a game in the favoured natural position.
If you have a problem with team selection, just look for some tall guy in a comedy wig "having a laugh," this guy maybe able to help you, through the medium of dance or some other witty way.
We have a very talented array of strikers in this squad, some say the best in the league. The problem is that they are rubbish when the ball comes down with snow on it. Somehow two of our strikers have got past 10 goals for the season.
One of said strikers may not always get a game, so those nice midfield blokes like to give up their place so he can play on the right wing. Another striker is just too lazy to even bother trying and slept his way to 11 goals. If you think the other striker maybe better adapted to be a centre back, that probably is because he is. The new boy is an international, but doesn't have a passport.
We know we have a poor excuse of a home stadium, but you WILL be the one to lead us to our new home, yes I know the last manager was supposed to do that, and so was the one before, but you will be that man. Falmer at the moment is just where we train, it is not our home stadium.
There is a local journalist that works for the newspaper The Argus, he likes to play golf, you should let him win and he will write nice stories about you even if you turn out to be not so successful.
If you need more money for transfer, keep an eye out on BigmoneyPokerTournaments.com :: Home and advise Mr T Bloom, who likes to call himself "the Lizard" there is a tournament on and if he wins, you can buy a new player. You may want to top up the credit on your mobile phone, because he lives in Australia and it is expensive to call there during peak hours.
The fans, when not bumming each other and generally being gay like to boo you at home and sing and dance away. You may find this weird, but you will get used to it. The loudest cheer at home games are when there is a second half unscheduled drinks break, when the South Stand in particular get very vociferous.
Thank You Please and Good Luck
Taxman x x
ps. we demand success NOW, otherwise we will boo you and slag you off on t'internet everyday until you are gone x
I am writing to you today to welcome you to our once great and proud club. As you may know, our previous manager was a bit clueless with a few things he did, I think the technical term used by some was "fuckwitted decisions that miff you."
We play in blue, whether at home or away or as a third choice. The players seem to perform extra special when they play in other teams kits.
We have two very good goalkeepers on our books, neither of them are able to kick a football where they intend, but they are both exceptional shot stoppers. We do not currently have a goal keeping coach, so you may want to address that problem.
We have a tremendous array of centre backs in our squad, if you do not like the current pairing then you will find some other centre backs in Nottingham, or upfront, in centre midfield or possibly on the right wing. You may need a neck brace to find out where their passes have gone.
We have a good right back too, but if you cannot find him, he may be playing a prank on you and be hiding on the left side of our defence.
We have pretty good midfielders in our ranks too. Most of them are very polite and like sitting on the covered bench on the side of the pitch just to let others get a game, who may not get a game in the favoured natural position.
If you have a problem with team selection, just look for some tall guy in a comedy wig "having a laugh," this guy maybe able to help you, through the medium of dance or some other witty way.
We have a very talented array of strikers in this squad, some say the best in the league. The problem is that they are rubbish when the ball comes down with snow on it. Somehow two of our strikers have got past 10 goals for the season.
One of said strikers may not always get a game, so those nice midfield blokes like to give up their place so he can play on the right wing. Another striker is just too lazy to even bother trying and slept his way to 11 goals. If you think the other striker maybe better adapted to be a centre back, that probably is because he is. The new boy is an international, but doesn't have a passport.
We know we have a poor excuse of a home stadium, but you WILL be the one to lead us to our new home, yes I know the last manager was supposed to do that, and so was the one before, but you will be that man. Falmer at the moment is just where we train, it is not our home stadium.
There is a local journalist that works for the newspaper The Argus, he likes to play golf, you should let him win and he will write nice stories about you even if you turn out to be not so successful.
If you need more money for transfer, keep an eye out on BigmoneyPokerTournaments.com :: Home and advise Mr T Bloom, who likes to call himself "the Lizard" there is a tournament on and if he wins, you can buy a new player. You may want to top up the credit on your mobile phone, because he lives in Australia and it is expensive to call there during peak hours.
The fans, when not bumming each other and generally being gay like to boo you at home and sing and dance away. You may find this weird, but you will get used to it. The loudest cheer at home games are when there is a second half unscheduled drinks break, when the South Stand in particular get very vociferous.
Thank You Please and Good Luck
Taxman x x
ps. we demand success NOW, otherwise we will boo you and slag you off on t'internet everyday until you are gone x
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