Theatre of Trees
Well-known member
Anybody come across this site before? Some very amusing entries (see Darlington) and a number of Sussex towns on the list.
crap towns
crap towns
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Crap towns of Britain
- Thread starter Theatre of Trees
- Start date
smudge
Up the Albion!
Love the one about Pompey, that place truly is Dog-Shit City!!
Crap town/village: Darlington
Those who communicate in grunts and sniffs revel happily in the squalid surroundings. There is a night club called 'Mardi Gras' where squaddies from miles around congregate to chase fat single mums and stamp on peoples' heads. A small town with small minds, I challenge anyone to put 'darlo' in a positive light.
Quality
Those who communicate in grunts and sniffs revel happily in the squalid surroundings. There is a night club called 'Mardi Gras' where squaddies from miles around congregate to chase fat single mums and stamp on peoples' heads. A small town with small minds, I challenge anyone to put 'darlo' in a positive light.
Quality
Blackadder
Brighton Bhuna Boy
I see Burgess Hill are in there Fran!
No Haywards Heath though.
And Crawley.
I's say it's about right!
No Haywards Heath though.
And Crawley.
I's say it's about right!
Sam
Formerly "Sambo"
Quote from the site:
Go to Brighton, have a laugh by all means. But it isn't the Mecca of English cool. Ok??
whats all that about?? ?? ??
Go to Brighton, have a laugh by all means. But it isn't the Mecca of English cool. Ok??
whats all that about?? ?? ??
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Fran Hagarty
Well-known member
Buzza said:I see Burgess Hill are in there Fran!
No Haywards Heath though.
And Crawley.
I's say it's about right!
Haywards Heath is so crap it's unbelievable! Far worse than Burgess Hill!
Braders
Abi Fletchers Gimpboy
Town/Village: Croydon - Arsehole of the southeast
Amenities:
Full of mockney wankers and Wetherspoon pubs. For those who are unfortunate enough to be born and raised in the locale all know of its perils and pitfalls.
West Croydon bus station serves as a kind of halfway house for the mental health ward at Mayday hospital. The floor is littered with KFC chicken bones like some ancient caveman dwelling and the air stinks of piss and Vaseline. From here, if you avoid being chopped into bitesize chunks and stuffed into a second-hand suitcase, you can make your way up to the high street. Be careful not to look anyone in the eye or smile, this is often misconstrudled and could lead to verbal and even physical abuse. For example the offended party might say something along the lines of - "Whatchoo lookin' at you fuckin' ****?" and then poke you in the eye with a half-snouted Lambert and Butler.
You will see (out of the good eye) another side of Croydon folk at well-known Croydon nightspot 'The Blue Orchid'. This is not to be confused with 'The Meat Market' in Surrey Street, though the purpose is much the same. If you are lucky (depending on how you define lucky) you might spot page three-boob-cruise-Croydon-born Lindsey Dawn McKensie, (who I went to school with incidentally), or Beppe from EastEnders. However you are more likely to spot groups of middle-aged women on the pull and they'll probably be clad in leather and leopard-skin, chain smoking, laughing like drains and eating Scotch eggs and garlic bread. The toilets quite often have police incident boards in them but generally speaking if you stick to the 80s lounge you can avoid trouble. Just be careful no-one slips Rophypnol into your Bacardi Breezer, else you might not conciously find yourself being shagged senseless by someone almost certainly called Steve but whom you won't know from Adam.
For fun,why not try the lift in the Drummond Centre (it's glass!) or indulge in a bit of thieving? Try on a variety of hats in Debenhams if the mood takes you. And it's always a good laugh to hang around at a bus stop for a few hours spitting at old people and drinking 20/20.
Your social status in Croydon depends upon whether you live closer to the chocolate factory or shit works. The latter being the less desirable of the two. I lived closer to the shit works.
Shit.
Amenities:
Full of mockney wankers and Wetherspoon pubs. For those who are unfortunate enough to be born and raised in the locale all know of its perils and pitfalls.
West Croydon bus station serves as a kind of halfway house for the mental health ward at Mayday hospital. The floor is littered with KFC chicken bones like some ancient caveman dwelling and the air stinks of piss and Vaseline. From here, if you avoid being chopped into bitesize chunks and stuffed into a second-hand suitcase, you can make your way up to the high street. Be careful not to look anyone in the eye or smile, this is often misconstrudled and could lead to verbal and even physical abuse. For example the offended party might say something along the lines of - "Whatchoo lookin' at you fuckin' ****?" and then poke you in the eye with a half-snouted Lambert and Butler.
You will see (out of the good eye) another side of Croydon folk at well-known Croydon nightspot 'The Blue Orchid'. This is not to be confused with 'The Meat Market' in Surrey Street, though the purpose is much the same. If you are lucky (depending on how you define lucky) you might spot page three-boob-cruise-Croydon-born Lindsey Dawn McKensie, (who I went to school with incidentally), or Beppe from EastEnders. However you are more likely to spot groups of middle-aged women on the pull and they'll probably be clad in leather and leopard-skin, chain smoking, laughing like drains and eating Scotch eggs and garlic bread. The toilets quite often have police incident boards in them but generally speaking if you stick to the 80s lounge you can avoid trouble. Just be careful no-one slips Rophypnol into your Bacardi Breezer, else you might not conciously find yourself being shagged senseless by someone almost certainly called Steve but whom you won't know from Adam.
For fun,why not try the lift in the Drummond Centre (it's glass!) or indulge in a bit of thieving? Try on a variety of hats in Debenhams if the mood takes you. And it's always a good laugh to hang around at a bus stop for a few hours spitting at old people and drinking 20/20.
Your social status in Croydon depends upon whether you live closer to the chocolate factory or shit works. The latter being the less desirable of the two. I lived closer to the shit works.
Shit.
Braders
Abi Fletchers Gimpboy
Town/Village: Croydon - Arsehole of the southeast
Amenities:
Full of mockney wankers and Wetherspoon pubs. For those who are unfortunate enough to be born and raised in the locale all know of its perils and pitfalls.
West Croydon bus station serves as a kind of halfway house for the mental health ward at Mayday hospital. The floor is littered with KFC chicken bones like some ancient caveman dwelling and the air stinks of piss and Vaseline. From here, if you avoid being chopped into bitesize chunks and stuffed into a second-hand suitcase, you can make your way up to the high street. Be careful not to look anyone in the eye or smile, this is often misconstrudled and could lead to verbal and even physical abuse. For example the offended party might say something along the lines of - "Whatchoo lookin' at you fuckin' ****?" and then poke you in the eye with a half-snouted Lambert and Butler.
You will see (out of the good eye) another side of Croydon folk at well-known Croydon nightspot 'The Blue Orchid'. This is not to be confused with 'The Meat Market' in Surrey Street, though the purpose is much the same. If you are lucky (depending on how you define lucky) you might spot page three-boob-cruise-Croydon-born Lindsey Dawn McKensie, (who I went to school with incidentally), or Beppe from EastEnders. However you are more likely to spot groups of middle-aged women on the pull and they'll probably be clad in leather and leopard-skin, chain smoking, laughing like drains and eating Scotch eggs and garlic bread. The toilets quite often have police incident boards in them but generally speaking if you stick to the 80s lounge you can avoid trouble. Just be careful no-one slips Rophypnol into your Bacardi Breezer, else you might not conciously find yourself being shagged senseless by someone almost certainly called Steve but whom you won't know from Adam.
For fun,why not try the lift in the Drummond Centre (it's glass!) or indulge in a bit of thieving? Try on a variety of hats in Debenhams if the mood takes you. And it's always a good laugh to hang around at a bus stop for a few hours spitting at old people and drinking 20/20.
Your social status in Croydon depends upon whether you live closer to the chocolate factory or shit works. The latter being the less desirable of the two. I lived closer to the shit works.
Shit.
Amenities:
Full of mockney wankers and Wetherspoon pubs. For those who are unfortunate enough to be born and raised in the locale all know of its perils and pitfalls.
West Croydon bus station serves as a kind of halfway house for the mental health ward at Mayday hospital. The floor is littered with KFC chicken bones like some ancient caveman dwelling and the air stinks of piss and Vaseline. From here, if you avoid being chopped into bitesize chunks and stuffed into a second-hand suitcase, you can make your way up to the high street. Be careful not to look anyone in the eye or smile, this is often misconstrudled and could lead to verbal and even physical abuse. For example the offended party might say something along the lines of - "Whatchoo lookin' at you fuckin' ****?" and then poke you in the eye with a half-snouted Lambert and Butler.
You will see (out of the good eye) another side of Croydon folk at well-known Croydon nightspot 'The Blue Orchid'. This is not to be confused with 'The Meat Market' in Surrey Street, though the purpose is much the same. If you are lucky (depending on how you define lucky) you might spot page three-boob-cruise-Croydon-born Lindsey Dawn McKensie, (who I went to school with incidentally), or Beppe from EastEnders. However you are more likely to spot groups of middle-aged women on the pull and they'll probably be clad in leather and leopard-skin, chain smoking, laughing like drains and eating Scotch eggs and garlic bread. The toilets quite often have police incident boards in them but generally speaking if you stick to the 80s lounge you can avoid trouble. Just be careful no-one slips Rophypnol into your Bacardi Breezer, else you might not conciously find yourself being shagged senseless by someone almost certainly called Steve but whom you won't know from Adam.
For fun,why not try the lift in the Drummond Centre (it's glass!) or indulge in a bit of thieving? Try on a variety of hats in Debenhams if the mood takes you. And it's always a good laugh to hang around at a bus stop for a few hours spitting at old people and drinking 20/20.
Your social status in Croydon depends upon whether you live closer to the chocolate factory or shit works. The latter being the less desirable of the two. I lived closer to the shit works.
Shit.
Alannumber4
New member
The above thread is quality and so true
perth seagull
Well-known member
- Jul 5, 2003
- 5,487
That's a very good site, so much of it is very true. I notice that it doesn't matter what shitty town they're talking about, there's always an abundance of teenage mums! Nice to see that they recognise insignificant places like Littlehampton as shitholes, but it is a shame that the worst place of all, Horley, doesn't figure. Still, top marks for putting Eastbourne and Crawley in their places! Actually, when I think about it after reading that site, sometimes I'm glad I'm no longer in the UK!
Heath Park Ranger
New member
Fran Hagarty said:
Wrong, wrong, wrong.
You don't see Burgess Hill with its own soon-to-be pedestrianised area of half decent restaurants and 'wine-bars' that aren't full of fat pikeys.
I also notice that people from Haywards Heath very rarely go out in Burgess Hill but I often see some 'Hillians' out in HH on a weekend....now why is that?
I need to consider my job locations in future as I worked in creepy Crawley for 6 years, temped in Burgess Hill for a month & couldn't take any more and then Horley for 10 months. At least now I'm in Brighton it doesn't seem so bad...although I am just round the corner from St James Street which is erm, nice at night when I pop out for a bite to eat.
Fran Hagarty
Well-known member
Working in Haywards Heath is bad enough - I'm glad to get out of it, it's such a dreary place! There isn't one decent pub and, apart from the shops (the range of shops is the only thing better than in Burgess Hill) it has nothing going for it. I don't enjoy going to restaurants in Haywards Heath as the outlook is dismal. I agree Brighton is better in that resepect!
Great idea: some bizarre omissions though. Where are Scunthorpe, Neath, Port Talbot, Newport, Dewsbury and Swindon? South Wales is bizzarely under-represented, Bridgend is there, but that's actually one of the better towns in the area. I'd like to read what they say about the towns but the links all lead to pop-ups that are blank - gues they need to put more effort into the site before they think of publishing.
How do you define the worst anyway? Worst archicture? Fewest facilities? Easiest place to be beaten up? Most pikeys? Most up-their-arse residents? There'd be a different winner for all those categories: how can you compare somewhere like Stockton (which looks like somewhere from eastern Europe) with the concrete monstrosities that are Basildon, Slough, Reading and Swindon? Or a places like Dewsbury or any number of towns in south Wales with places like Richmond that are stuffed full of wankers?
If I had to vote for one, I'd vote for High Wycombe as that town seems to combine most of the features of the above.
How do you define the worst anyway? Worst archicture? Fewest facilities? Easiest place to be beaten up? Most pikeys? Most up-their-arse residents? There'd be a different winner for all those categories: how can you compare somewhere like Stockton (which looks like somewhere from eastern Europe) with the concrete monstrosities that are Basildon, Slough, Reading and Swindon? Or a places like Dewsbury or any number of towns in south Wales with places like Richmond that are stuffed full of wankers?
If I had to vote for one, I'd vote for High Wycombe as that town seems to combine most of the features of the above.
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cheshunt seagull
Well-known member
- Jul 5, 2003
- 2,595
Pleased to see that Taunton made it. I spent a day and night there on business 2 years ago and you could feel the life being sucked out of you as you breathed the air. Armies of cider-fuelled 15 year olds with dead eyes prowl the town center hunting out anybody wearing natural fabrics. Don't be fooled by the quaint names you see on a town centre map; the 'old pig market' is a multi-storey car park and as for cosmopolitan cuisine, the Vietnamese restaurant I dined in was run by inbred locals pronouncing Vietnamese dishes in an impenetrable local accent. I have never been so relieved to get on a train as the one that took me out of there.
Not so much a town as a suburb of London, but Ponders End should make any list of this kind
Not so much a town as a suburb of London, but Ponders End should make any list of this kind
elbowpatches
Active member
Burgess Hill is a foul place, but living in Hurstpierpoint for 18 years probably influenced my decision. Brighton is the best place in Sussex but I have to disagree with people slagging off Haywards Heath, it's not that bad and is way way way better than Burgess Hill. As for Crawley, well, less said the better.
Fran Hagarty
Well-known member
Hurstpierpoint is also full of pikeys!
To judge whether a place is crap, I would base it on:
1 Whether I would choose go out there.
2 Whether I find it an attractive place to be in.
3 Whether I would live there
In the case of Haywards Heath, the definitive answer would be no in every case!
I was born in Hove but later moved to Fulking - not my choice and one of the most miserable places ever! Boring and depressing! My next door neighbour hated it so much she committed suicide! Local pub grotty and full of tourists. I couldn't stand it for long and moved to London - near Hyde Park. At least there were places to go and things to do there.
To judge whether a place is crap, I would base it on:
1 Whether I would choose go out there.
2 Whether I find it an attractive place to be in.
3 Whether I would live there
In the case of Haywards Heath, the definitive answer would be no in every case!
I was born in Hove but later moved to Fulking - not my choice and one of the most miserable places ever! Boring and depressing! My next door neighbour hated it so much she committed suicide! Local pub grotty and full of tourists. I couldn't stand it for long and moved to London - near Hyde Park. At least there were places to go and things to do there.
