[Humour] Cocaine and Football.

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

something that has perplexed me for a long time is how does a sniffer dog have a day off? I mean if you're its handler and go off for a walk in the park you wouldn't want it grassing up the neighbours would you?

Prob should include this in the 'workplace story' thread, but has a certain place on this one. True story; once worked on a giant IT project for HMRC in the days before it was called HMRC. Customs officers got seconded to us for a month at a time to test the new system. This one Scottish guy, name of something like Brian, was known to all his colleagues as Douglas despite all our paperwork insisting his name was Brian. One day I asked him why everybody called him Douglas when his name was Brian. With a certain amount of muttering he said that he was a Customs dog handler who once went for a round of golf on his day off with his sniffer dog who was also his family pet. Dog promptly ran off, never to be seen again. Probably got stuck down a rabbit hole or something. And from that day on, none of his colleagues, the bastids, ever called him anything other than Dugless.

 

[BNthree]

how do you know that?

Also often gets mentioned in Argus and by the club online etc. Pyro dogs nearer the stadium but drugs dogs on stations and approaches it seems.

 

[Napper]

has a drug dog ever got anyone at the amex ?

rare despite loads being on it

 

[Knocky's Nose]

Maybe I'm an old fart, but the handful of times I've partaken in my life it's been in a party atmosphere with banging music, flashing lights and lots of pretty girls..... not during the day sitting amongst old ladies, kids, plastic seats and the smell of pies whilst watching 22 blokes run around.

Each to their own, but bugle never held much appeal for me. It can take someone from Zero to Knobhead faster than a Lambo can do it off the traffic lights.

 

[vegster]

I've never tried it and will not risk it. If I like it I won't be able to stop so best avoid just in case.

 

[Mr Bridger]

Maybe I'm an old fart, but the handful of times I've partaken in my life it's been in a party atmosphere with banging music, flashing lights and lots of pretty girls..... not during the day sitting amongst old ladies, kids, plastic seats and the smell of pies whilst watching 22 blokes run around.

Each to their own, but bugle never held much appeal for me. It can take someone from Zero to Knobhead faster than a Lambo can do it off the traffic lights.

A football day, especially an away day is much more than 90 mins in the ground.

 

[Knocky's Nose]

I've never tried it and will not risk it. If I like it I won't be able to stop so best avoid just in case.

I've got what you could class as an 'addictive personality' I suppose - but it's such piss-poor value for money my logical brain rejected it in favour of alcohol.

I was big into the ladies when I was in my 20's and my pals were all city boys. They'd do £40-50 on coke which would turn them into the most over-confident, arrogant, shit-spouting bell-ends and would have girls walking away within about five sentences. Me? Same amount on a bottle of Moet, offer a girl a glass, she'd ask what you were celebrating, you'd answer "I have no idea, what about 'the weekend?'" - to which you'd get a laugh, and the conversation would flow.... Their coke-rush would last 15-20 minutes, then they'd be disappearing off to the bog for more, and more, until it ran out - then the frantic calls to the dealer, waiting outside in the street. My Moet would last 45 minutes to an hour, and I'd only have to raise my hand to the barman for another.

Still, each to their own.

 

[Questions]

Prob should include this in the 'workplace story' thread, but has a certain place on this one. True story; once worked on a giant IT project for HMRC in the days before it was called HMRC. Customs officers got seconded to us for a month at a time to test the new system. This one Scottish guy, name of something like Brian, was known to all his colleagues as Douglas despite all our paperwork insisting his name was Brian. One day I asked him why everybody called him Douglas when his name was Brian. With a certain amount of muttering he said that he was a Customs dog handler who once went for a round of golf on his day off with his sniffer dog who was also his family pet. Dog promptly ran off, never to be seen again. Probably got stuck down a rabbit hole or something. And from that day on, none of his colleagues, the bastids, ever called him anything other than Dugless.

You peaked with your caerphilly pun Tom.

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

You peaked with your caerphilly pun Tom.

Good point, well made. It's been a long day already

 

[Bevendean Hillbilly]

A football day, especially an away day is much more than 90 mins in the ground.

Is the right answer.

These days I’m a responsible adult with a family so can’t really get hammered and go on a Coke fuelled bender every other Saturday without causing a certain...tension...in my house on a Sunday.

It is a matter of some regret. Although I can live without the nosebleeds and insomnia.

 

[Questions]

Is the right answer.

These days I’m a responsible adult with a family so can’t really get hammered and go on a Coke fuelled bender every other Saturday without causing a certain...tension...in my house on a Sunday.

It is a matter of some regret. Although I can live without the nosebleeds and insomnia.

Me: “No I haven’t love........ It’s my hay fever so I’ll have my dinner later”

 

[Bevendean Hillbilly]

I've got what you could class as an 'addictive personality' I suppose - but it's such piss-poor value for money my logical brain rejected it in favour of alcohol.

I was big into the ladies when I was in my 20's and my pals were all city boys. They'd do £40-50 on coke which would turn them into the most over-confident, arrogant, shit-spouting bell-ends and would have girls walking away within about five sentences. Me? Same amount on a bottle of Moet, offer a girl a glass, she'd ask what you were celebrating, you'd answer "I have no idea, what about 'the weekend?'" - to which you'd get a laugh, and the conversation would flow.... Their coke-rush would last 15-20 minutes, then they'd be disappearing off to the bog for more, and more, until it ran out - then the frantic calls to the dealer, waiting outside in the street. My Moet would last 45 minutes to an hour, and I'd only have to raise my hand to the barman for another.

Still, each to their own.

What about rimming a lady whilst snorting a heroic line? Is there no place for romance anymore?

 

[Knocky's Nose]

What about rimming a lady whilst snorting a heroic line? Is there no place for romance anymore?

I did the lighter version and did a small line off a pair of rather fabulous norks.... but I was straight back on the JD after that.

 

[Bevendean Hillbilly]

I did the lighter version and did a small line off a pair of rather fabulous norks.... but I was straight back on the JD after that.

Ah, the “Gentleman’s excuse me” marvellous.

Why do women stop enjoying that stuff once you marry them?

 

[Durlston]

Heart attacks and financial ruin - tough shit to the users.

 

[Bevendean Hillbilly]

Heart attacks and financial ruin - tough shit to the users.

Trust you to piss on my bonfire.

 

[Knocky's Nose]

Ah, the “Gentleman’s excuse me” marvellous.

Why do women stop enjoying that stuff once you marry them?

Because they grow up?

 

[Bevendean Hillbilly]

Because they grow up?

I thought, given what we’re discussing, that the ladies involved were grown up at the time.

Besides. Growing up sucks.

 

[Durlston]

Trust you to piss on my bonfire.

Oh I'm really sorry. Carry on with your witty responses.

 

[Surf's Up]

I never needed any help from cocaine to start talking bollocks.