[Misc] Christmas and mental health

[Happy Exile]

Thought I'd start off a thread if anyone wants to vent / share / talk about Christmas and mental health. Good things as well as the challenges. What are you looking forward to? What are you finding tough? This forum gives amazing support and space for talking about this stuff.

I'll go first - looking forward to time off work. It's been relentless intensity for months as what was commuting time has become working time and the line between home and work has got increasingly blurred into evenings and weekends, so a few days away from emails and Microsoft Teams and the pressure of so many demands from work will be amazing, and especially having more time with immediate family. What I'm finding challenging is how much of that time off other people and extended family are making claims to "because it's Christmas". Carving time for me individually and us as a small family unit that isn't dictated by what other people want is harder than ever, and people seem to be taking everything much more personally this year: so it's not enough for us to travel a few hundred miles to spend 2 of our 9 days off with one part of extended family apparently, because they've only seen us a couple of times this year "and it's Christmas"...so we'll be starting the Christmas break knowing that we're seeing people disappointed with our failure to meet their expectations, Fun. So I might be one of the few Albion fans looking forward to going to the Brentford game because that kick-off time works with doing a family visit during the day and then probably the only hours "off" from having to be switched-on for other people I'll get all holiday...I've already agreed with the other half that if the game is cancelled we're still acting like it's on and I'll use that time for a long walk somewhere instead.

 

[Eric Youngs Contact Lens]

I too am crawling to the Xmas break from work, but I will be insisting to find a little time for me, with no-one else. I will happily fill majority with some great downtime with my wife/older kids, friends etc. , but I think it s always good to be kind to yourself amongst all the kindness we wish to give to others. No need for any guilt for some self-awareness, positive decisions here and there to make sure you are in tip-top form when you do see others! A balance is good.. for everyone.. I have to make sure I dont become a solitary hermit at the same time!!!

 

[Insel affe]

It seems like this year has been relentless in disappointment nearly all of it linked to covid unfortunately. Like you in the construction industry it has been full steam ahead and then some, issues with labour and stock throughout my sector and beyond no doubt, putting extra pressure to meet expectations and demands. Holidays cancelled and re booked and re cancelled, Schooling changes and restrictions, covering childcare, and just everyday activities we all took for granted before the pandemic have become a chore, blighted with restrictions and perceived dangers, coupled with last minute changes to your day, such as excuses made using covid as a an excuse and because of covid results, sadly many of us have lost people we know, and some we could not say goodbye too.

The little pleasures we oh so took for granted, seem to be so awkward now, should I go ? should I risk it ?
I was so looking forward to this Christmas, trip to America on, off, on, Father in law then tests positive two days ago, so off again.
The wife & daughter now moody, which now has me starting to feel depressed, today on the drive to work, I caught myself thinking can't live like this much longer, I do not want to do this anymore.
There seems little to look forward too, can't plan anything with any positivity.

I know some folk will say, ah just do it, book it, you can go away, I've done it, ah you have so much to look forward too...
But I have booked several holidays, none of them came to fruition, gigs booked all cancelled, Tottenham cancelled, Boxing day probably cancelled, all small problems yeah, but they are what I look forward too, they keep me going through the exasperating job, of dealing with floor layers and site managers, drop off, pick up, shopping, cleaning cat sick, etc etc & the darkness of winter.

Christmas and Birthdays I always get anxious and expect to be disappointed, probably has a lot to do with being in care at such a young age, and not having anyone there for you when those links are made. So I fully understand the pressure of the holiday period.
I don't want to sound like a party pooper, or not grateful for what I have, I am well aware there are people in worse situations...

Just...

 

[BBassic]

We're both struggling to get into the Christmas spirit this year.

We've had to take the decision to not see one half of our family which is difficult. We're both quite risk averse and despite everyone in our immediate family being triple jabbed we're just not super comfortable with the idea of all of us in a room at the same time.

But on the more positive side we're looking at it as "Christmas might be a bit rubbish but if it means we're all safe and we can have a holiday together next year then so be it".

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

I'm anxious about the prospect of full steam ahead contact teaching and a 3 hour commute every day to London, in the New Year.

 

[Thunder Bolt]

Christmas is a very painful time for many people for lots of reasons. The expectations are unrealistic for many, and for others memories too raw.
Look after each other and be kind. It costs nothing.

 

[juliant]

Cant wait until its over ! Stressed to the eyeballs already with a 6month old nipping puppy who will be a major pain whilst staying with family. Then the mother in law visits us for New Year, already threatening to discipline the pup should she nip. This may be the only bit i actually look forward to as the pup will win and i will laugh

Is it the 1st Jan yet ?

 

[Swansman]

Christmas is gorefest-orgy of sentimentality and expectations coming from everywhere... no wonder a lot of people, perhaps mainly lonely ones. No wonder quite a few get sad.

My relatives are fighting on some subject unknown to me and not on speaking terms which is really the first time that happens and they are all a lot more christmas-y than I am so a bit worried how they will cope with possibly not having Christmas together. I'm likely to go meet my grandma for some coffee and schnaps and then my uncles for some more of that before heading out to get shitfaced with a couple of friends, so I'll be fine but never nice knowing that some will not be equally content.

 

[Bry Nylon]

Good thread [MENTION=36757]Happy Exile[/MENTION] and certainly one I shall be contributing to and reading with interest over the next couple of weeks.

I used to love this time of year - the build up to Christmas and the sense of one year drawing to a close and a new one just around the corner.

But I'll be honest, now that I live apart from my children I find the whole build up to Christmas and the day itself very difficult and something I try to ignore so far as I can (which obviously is impossible). I try telling myself that "it's just another day..." except well, it isn't is it?

It's silly, little things that make it hurt. Things like just getting up on Christmas Day and standing in the kitchen on my own and making a cup of coffee and wondering how to fill the day, acutely aware of the chaos and excitement that will be unfolding in homes up and down the country. Or even that BBC ident from a couple of years ago that was played between programmes throughout December with the strapline "Together at Christmas." (I told you they were silly little things, but they have the ability to cut to the core). Things like watching on enviously as everybody else builds up for the 'big day' and then feeling bad for being envious rather than happy for them.

I wouldn't say it is a mental health thing for me; it's just a sad, poignant time of year for me and frankly I'll be glad when it is all over. Having said that, I do love giving my kids their gifts and seeing how excited they get about Christmas - but I still feel bad that I can no longer give them the traditional family Christmas like the ones we used to have.

Thanks for the thread, HE.

 

[DJ NOBO]

Last year we had to cancel plans to stay with extended family and stayed at home.
What an eye-opener that was. It was way better. We could keep the focus on the children rather than getting frustrated by inlaws and parents.
So this year it’s same again. The four of us at home, making our own day and not being bound by other people’s traditions.
It’s a bit sad, in a way, but (as the OP suggested) when life is stressful enough as it is you can’t being spending holiday time being switched on for other people.
I know I am lucky to be in a position to plan a Christmas with others. It hasn’t always been the case. Best wishes to all

 

[essbee1]

I have the unenviable task of, every Christmas, trying to keep family members apart who don't get on but
are forced together by circumstances.

It ruins xmas for me and has done for 8-10 years. I used to love this time of year but these days I'm just
happy when it's all over and I can have a rest.

 

[Clive Walker]

It seems like this year has been relentless in disappointment nearly all of it linked to covid unfortunately. Like you in the construction industry it has been full steam ahead and then some, issues with labour and stock throughout my sector and beyond no doubt, putting extra pressure to meet expectations and demands. Holidays cancelled and re booked and re cancelled, Schooling changes and restrictions, covering childcare, and just everyday activities we all took for granted before the pandemic have become a chore, blighted with restrictions and perceived dangers, coupled with last minute changes to your day, such as excuses made using covid as a an excuse and because of covid results, sadly many of us have lost people we know, and some we could not say goodbye too.

The little pleasures we oh so took for granted, seem to be so awkward now, should I go ? should I risk it ?
I was so looking forward to this Christmas, trip to America on, off, on, Father in law then tests positive two days ago, so off again.
The wife & daughter now moody, which now has me starting to feel depressed, today on the drive to work, I caught myself thinking can't live like this much longer, I do not want to do this anymore.
There seems little to look forward too, can't plan anything with any positivity.

I know some folk will say, ah just do it, book it, you can go away, I've done it, ah you have so much to look forward too...
But I have booked several holidays, none of them came to fruition, gigs booked all cancelled, Tottenham cancelled, Boxing day probably cancelled, all small problems yeah, but they are what I look forward too, they keep me going through the exasperating job, of dealing with floor layers and site managers, drop off, pick up, shopping, cleaning cat sick, etc etc & the darkness of winter.

Christmas and Birthdays I always get anxious and expect to be disappointed, probably has a lot to do with being in care at such a young age, and not having anyone there for you when those links are made. So I fully understand the pressure of the holiday period.
I don't want to sound like a party pooper, or not grateful for what I have, I am well aware there are people in worse situations...

Just...

Well done, great post.

I really really get this post. In particular your sense of disappointment which makes you feel like a little kid that didn't the PS4 they 'always wanted'. Each and every year I do the same old thing. Put money aside, plan each and every requirement for all concerned and break my back making sure everyone is happy. When the day comes I sit there and think all the effort and money for one day is ridiculous. 11 months later i'm doing the same thing.

So where am I this year, im holding back a little but all focus in our house is on one little day in roughly 11 days time. I can't stop entirely as I have two young boys but I honestly can't wait for the days when we can have a 'grown up' xmas with much better levels of expectation.

 

[Perry's Tracksuit Bottoms]

It seems like this year has been relentless in disappointment nearly all of it linked to covid unfortunately. Like you in the construction industry it has been full steam ahead and then some, issues with labour and stock throughout my sector and beyond no doubt, putting extra pressure to meet expectations and demands. Holidays cancelled and re booked and re cancelled, Schooling changes and restrictions, covering childcare, and just everyday activities we all took for granted before the pandemic have become a chore, blighted with restrictions and perceived dangers, coupled with last minute changes to your day, such as excuses made using covid as a an excuse and because of covid results, sadly many of us have lost people we know, and some we could not say goodbye too.

The little pleasures we oh so took for granted, seem to be so awkward now, should I go ? should I risk it ?
I was so looking forward to this Christmas, trip to America on, off, on, Father in law then tests positive two days ago, so off again.
The wife & daughter now moody, which now has me starting to feel depressed, today on the drive to work, I caught myself thinking can't live like this much longer, I do not want to do this anymore.
There seems little to look forward too, can't plan anything with any positivity.

I know some folk will say, ah just do it, book it, you can go away, I've done it, ah you have so much to look forward too...
But I have booked several holidays, none of them came to fruition, gigs booked all cancelled, Tottenham cancelled, Boxing day probably cancelled, all small problems yeah, but they are what I look forward too, they keep me going through the exasperating job, of dealing with floor layers and site managers, drop off, pick up, shopping, cleaning cat sick, etc etc & the darkness of winter.

Christmas and Birthdays I always get anxious and expect to be disappointed, probably has a lot to do with being in care at such a young age, and not having anyone there for you when those links are made. So I fully understand the pressure of the holiday period.
I don't want to sound like a party pooper, or not grateful for what I have, I am well aware there are people in worse situations...

Just...

Hang on in there PF. Your posts on here are much appreciated by many, and I'm sure even the moody people around you appreciate you too. I'm convinced things *will* get better. At the very least, by the end of next week the daylight will start getting longer again and we can start looking forward to some warmer, brighter days. And please do reach out for some help, whether here on NSC or in real life, if things really are getting too much.

 

[LamieRobertson]

Apologies for mentioning it again..but it’ll be the first Xmas since my Father died …for some reason his loss has hit me harder than when my Mother went…this time last year i didnt expect him to be around ..as it was he squeezed in another 5/6 months ..so when i have time to switch off from work (still at times on six days a week) ..events of the past year will come to the fore.
On the flip side i have two grandchildren 5 and 3 who i have the privilege to frequently see and enjoy …quite frankly they have kept me going and Xmas day will be so special for them.

 

[Weststander]

Last year we had to cancel plans to stay with extended family and stayed at home.
What an eye-opener that was. It was way better. We could keep the focus on the children rather than getting frustrated by inlaws and parents.
So this year it’s same again. The four of us at home, making our own day and not being bound by other people’s traditions.
It’s a bit sad, in a way, but (as the OP suggested) when life is stressful enough as it is you can’t being spending holiday time being switched on for other people.
I know I am lucky to be in a position to plan a Christmas with others. It hasn’t always been the case. Best wishes to all

That's my preferred Christmas.

Swerving high maintenance others, with far too much 'noise'.

 

[Barham's tash]

Christmas is difficult for so many reasons on so many levels when you finally get to be the adult in charge but like others have already shared it’s the little things that sting the most sometimes. Having said that in no particular order here are the things that will make me feel a bit dead inside whilst outwardly projecting insane levels of happiness for my 4 year old and 6 month old girls.

Not sharing it with my dad - family politics - losing my mum at the age of 19 and finding Christmas was never the same since.

A big family issue arising some 25 years ago and knowing that it all started because two people met and connected during a family Christmas only to rip the family apart roughly a year later.

This year we went to Disneyland Paris two weeks ago and have about five or six other Christmas events in the diary between then and the bid day but each one I attend with a happy veneer and crumbling underneath because the stark reality is that I’d much rather hibernate and then re-emerge in mid January once all the fuss has died down.

 

[GT49er]

Good thread [MENTION=36757]Happy Exile[/MENTION] and certainly one I shall be contributing to and reading with interest over the next couple of weeks.

I used to love this time of year - the build up to Christmas and the sense of one year drawing to a close and a new one just around the corner.

But I'll be honest, now that I live apart from my children I find the whole build up to Christmas and the day itself very difficult and something I try to ignore so far as I can (which obviously is impossible). I try telling myself that "it's just another day..." except well, it isn't is it?

It's silly, little things that make it hurt. Things like just getting up on Christmas Day and standing in the kitchen on my own and making a cup of coffee and wondering how to fill the day, acutely aware of the chaos and excitement that will be unfolding in homes up and down the country. Or even that BBC ident from a couple of years ago that was played between programmes throughout December with the strapline "Together at Christmas." (I told you they were silly little things, but they have the ability to cut to the core). Things like watching on enviously as everybody else builds up for the 'big day' and then feeling bad for being envious rather than happy for them.

I wouldn't say it is a mental health thing for me; it's just a sad, poignant time of year for me and frankly I'll be glad when it is all over. Having said that, I do love giving my kids their gifts and seeing how excited they get about Christmas - but I still feel bad that I can no longer give them the traditional family Christmas like the ones we used to have.

Thanks for the thread, HE.

Just this for me - thanks - you've saved me having to write it!

 

[Weststander]

Christmas is difficult for so many reasons on so many levels when you finally get to be the adult in charge but like others have already shared it’s the little things that sting the most sometimes. Having said that in no particular order here are the things that will make me feel a bit dead inside whilst outwardly projecting insane levels of happiness for my 4 year old and 6 month old girls.

Not sharing it with my dad - family politics - losing my mum at the age of 19 and finding Christmas was never the same since.

A big family issue arising some 25 years ago and knowing that it all started because two people met and connected during a family Christmas only to rip the family apart roughly a year later.

This year we went to Disneyland Paris two weeks ago and have about five or six other Christmas events in the diary between then and the bid day but each one I attend with a happy veneer and crumbling underneath because the stark reality is that I’d much rather hibernate and then re-emerge in mid January once all the fuss has died down.

You're doing a great job with that side of it, important years for them.

Someone once said to me it's intelligently breaking the cycle of what we knew.

 

[pearl]

I ignore Christmas as much as possible. I just can't DO it anymore. Going into shops and getting blasted with yo ho ho songs does my head in.

I like the lights and seeing other peoples trees etc. I'm not a miserable old bag or anything.

I spent Christmas Day 2015 sitting by my partners hospital bed. New Year's Eve they told me the drugs weren't working. Three weeks later he died. So, not a good time of year for me, but there's f-all I can do about that.

 

[worthingseagull123]

Christmas will be the same as last year and every year.

Drive up to the Midlands to spend a week or so with family.

Couple of weeks off work. Good eating, lots of sleeping and lots of time in front of TV.

Do feel for those alone at Christmas or those that are struggling with financial pressures to provide.