Bottom wiping

[sydney]

I wash my arse after a Douglas, with the shower head or a watering can. Then I dry my hoop with bog roll, ergo I never have skid marks in my grundies

Smearing your be-shitted arse with dry paper is disgusting

f***ing watering can .........you what...?

 

[junior]

I tend to have a dump in the morning first thing and then just jump in the shower.

 

[The Buttery Biscuit Base]

f***ing watering can .........you what...?

When he having a quick one at the allotment!

 

[Hastings woody]

Theres nothing like having a dump in the woods (bear style) with dock leaves for loo roll.

 

[Guy Crouchback]

BOMBAY-TV / Guy Crouchback / Subtitle movie

 

[PFJ]

Having a large family means we get through a lot of bog roll .Cut backs have had to be made .
We care now trialing the old medieval method.
1 sheet of paper .
make a neat hole in the middle
drive middle finger through said hole
Then ,(and this the skillful bit) scoop up all the pooh with one determined rake of your middle claw.
Once you have a middle finger resembling a steaming mole hill , pull the one sheet up your finger , collecting all the Richard as you go .
Chuck and flush.
Saved an absolute fortune on bog roll , but have to say ,now spending a lot more on nail files .

 

[SeagullSongs]

Normally I fold a two-sheet piece and gently place it from a distance into the water to avoid Neptune's kiss and carefully measure out a three-sheet section for the wiping, because it can be folded at least twice for extra wiping efficiency.
Scrunching should be avoided because a scrunchy can only be used once, or it's a possibility that you'll get a nugget on your palm.

 

[SeagullSongs]

fold for sure. always wondered how people manage to do it while still seated. I have to stand up to wipe

A casual lean to the left and wipe with the right hand tends to do the trick.

This.
Although I do go for the folded approach followed my an Andrex Washlet to ensure the highest standard of bottom cleanliness !

What is this washlet you speak of?

Three sheets
Fold in half
Wipe
Fold in half again
Wipe
Drop

It's the only way to wipe IMO

SACRILEGE!
A three-sheet strip must be folded into thirds initially, but halves are allowed thereafter.

A group of mates have had this discussion. Out of the 6 of us there were 5 scrunchers and 1 folder.

Animals, frankly.

 

[wehatepalace]

What is this washlet you speak of?

http://www.google.co.uk/products/catalog?sugexp=chrome,mod%3D16&q=andrex+washlets&um=1&ie=UTF-8&tbm=shop&cid=3150418681289227951&sa=X&ei=gtn6T6jAA82p8APj9ojiBg&ved=0CHAQ8wIwBA

 

[Simster]

Absolutely textbook timing for your poo may I say, right in that classic 10.30 - 11.30 window.

I'm sorry but I really cannot agree with this. In every place I have worked, trap rush hour tends to be between 8.45 and 9.45.

If you're very unfortunate, access to a trap can be further hampered by a previous incumbent making a frightful mess of the pan, thereby rendering the trap beyond use on two fronts. Firstly, no-one wants to use an overly soiled pan. Secondly, even if you do take the plunge, anyone waiting outside will think it was you that did it. Who are these people who make such a MESS anyway?

 

[Badger]

I'm sorry but I really cannot agree with this. In every place I have worked, trap rush hour tends to be between 8.45 and 9.45.

If you're very unfortunate, access to a trap can be further hampered by a previous incumbent making a frightful mess of the pan, thereby rendering the trap beyond use on two fronts. Firstly, no-one wants to use an overly soiled pan. Secondly, even if you do take the plunge, anyone waiting outside will think it was you that did it. Who are these people who make such a MESS anyway?

That's my point, you want to avoid the rush hour and if you're lucky you'll benefit from the first visit from the cleaner. Interestingly it's the WOMEN'S toilets that always seem to get closed off due to blockages in my office and there are only ever 3 or 4 women in the office at one time.

 

[Bladders]

I'm sorry but I really cannot agree with this. In every place I have worked, trap rush hour tends to be between 8.45 and 9.45.

If you're very unfortunate, access to a trap can be further hampered by a previous incumbent making a frightful mess of the pan, thereby rendering the trap beyond use on two fronts. Firstly, no-one wants to use an overly soiled pan. Secondly, even if you do take the plunge, anyone waiting outside will think it was you that did it. Who are these people who make such a MESS anyway?

I can never fathom out those who get it on the underside of the lid. It's like their pebble dash defies gravity, or they're shitting from a second hole in their lower back.

Dirty bastards.

 

[NickBHAFC18]

I'm always the first one to grace the office toilet in the mornings. Although, I make sure I'm never second, as the guy who goes in after me should be locked up. It's unbearable.

 

[Dan Gleeballs]

For some reason I've never forgotten the saying 'one to wipe one to polish'. I'd love a clean break especially after the stag do I've just returned from. Abused my body badly. For me it's one roll to wipe one roll to polish!!

 

[wehatepalace]

[/B]

I can never fathom out those who get it on the underside of the lid. It's like their pebble dash defies gravity, or they're shitting from a second hole in their lower back.

Dirty bastards.

Maybe they have a phobia of toilet seats and take a shit while hovering ?

 

[cloud]

Theres nothing like having a dump in the woods (bear style) with dock leaves for loo roll.

True, but get your positioning wrong and said turd is liable to roll down the hill after you,
gathering dust as it does so

 

[OSRGull]

f***ing skiv.

 

[Bladders]

Maybe they have a phobia of toilet seats and take a shit while hovering ?

or maybe this happened..

''Who does number 2 work for''

 

[NickBHAFC18]

True, but get your positioning wrong and said turd is liable to roll down the hill after you,
gathering dust as it does so

I pooped outside once and it f***ing stunk, like 10x worse than usual. Nearly threw up on the spot, gagging.

 

[The Antikythera Mechanism]

Bloody hell, no wonder the continentals invented the bidet

[YT]3Ec433X14g8[/YT]

P.S There is a YouTube video of this with a Frenchman on it, but I couldn't bring myself to watch