Bloody weird

[Man of Harveys]

And buy a white suit to go with the pair of Jimmy Melia's shoes you've got.

NOW you tell me - I got one with the money left over after buying the the banjo.

 

[The Antikythera Mechanism]

I would say that a local "Harry Ramp" has taken a dislike to your car and in the first instance has just gobbed saliva onto it. He has, obviously, since develeped a serious lung infection which causes him to "spit blood" hence the bloody sputum left by his second effort. Keep your eyes peeled for rancid lung tissue and the smell of Buckfast, as this will probably come next!

As a solution I would recommend a highly visible "Ecosse" sticker in the rear widow as this will probably confuse him sufficiently to facilitate the decoration of the next car along!

 

[Trufflehound]

If you did learn the banjo, you could sit in a rocking chair on your front porch with a dementedly in-bred grin on your face, and just strum the opening notes to "Duelling Banjos" over and over. You would guarantee that no one would ever come over to bleed on your possessions ever again.

Not even Burt Reynolds...

 

[Robot Chicken]

Get a video camera...HIDE IT WELL...and record what happens.

 

[dougdeep]

Birds do tend to eat fruit and so make crap in all colours, just a thought.

 

[Mr deez]

If it the same old lady who insists on feeding the birds to everybody elses irratation near 3JB's, I would blame the tramps who frequent that area and the garages during the early hours. I regularly see them banging up or passed out en route to work...