Best man speech

[strings]

I guess one could try and memorise the speech.

Bullet points have worked for me in the past - I've never been best man, but have spoken at more than a few graduation ceremonies. That way, you can try and remember the speech, but if you get lost you can get back on track quickly without scanning through pages of script.

 

[Simster]

Bullet points have worked for me in the past - I've never been best man, but have spoken at more than a few graduation ceremonies. That way, you can try and remember the speech, but if you get lost you can get back on track quickly without scanning through pages of script.

This.

 

[Mellor 3 Ward 4]

My only tip is to actually prepare a speech. Don't try and wing it, unless you want to look like an arrogant nob.

Agree with that.

I've done it three times, for very different people, and very different types of wedding.

As Micky Adams would have said "Failing to prepare, is preparing to Fail."

 

[bristolseagull]

Not as bad as the best man at a mate's wedding, who talked about three rings: the engagement ring, wedding ring and now the "suffer" ring. And that "joke" which was probably fairly fresh in about 1948, was the best bit about his shit speech.

Strange wedding that. Half his mates were top blokes, the other half (including his best man) were absolute geeky gimps.

My only tip is to actually prepare a speech. Don't try and wing it, unless you want to look like an arrogant nob.

i used the 'three rings' when I was best man at my brothers wedding....

thanks for all the pointers.

 

[Man of Harveys]

My only tip is to actually prepare a speech. Don't try and wing it, unless you want to look like an arrogant nob.

This. An erstwhile friend of mine - who really is an arrogant nob - did exactly that and forgot to make any mention of his new wife throughout his drunken shambles of a speech, while also casually insulting a 12 year old girl who'd sung during the service (they're now divorced (my friend and his then wife, not him and the 12 year old girl)).

 

[Cecil]

*insertBridesname* you look wonderful today. Ever since i first met you i knew you were going to marry a rich and hansome man. So it's a good job *Groomsname* got in there first!

CECIL may like this thread too as he's a Best Man in just 2 weeks... Can't wait to heckle the speech

A week Saturday Sheebs,

 

[Hannibal smith]

I guess one could try and memorise the speech.

Not so much for the best man - everyone is on side - but certainly the groom should have cards rather then a sheet of paper. Nothing worse than a Groom’s speech who reads head down from a prepared sheet of A4 paper in monotone delivery ‘’You…look…gorgeous.. today, i….love.. etc’’ At least make it sound like its genuine even if everyone knows you have prepared in advance and would say it if your bride had won pie eater of the year.

The best laughs I have heard at Best mans speech is those that notice little bits on the day. The dodgy vicar, the alcoholic master of ceremonies etc etc. Also ancedotes about the groom are good but not ones that involve getting his knob out and shagging other women. Don’t rely too much on I/net jokes. Most have been told before.

 

[Sheebo]

A week Saturday Sheebs,

I know mate - don't worry about the speech - trust me you'll be fine.

I'm looking forward to a good wedding - how was the stag do? If you want to come watch the dvd for some tips feel free X

 

[Sheebo]

My Grooms Speech started like this:

I'd like to start with a very special and heart felt thank you.... To Brighton & Hove Albion Football Club for a fine win away at Southend last night'

True.

 

[hart's shirt]

Ladies and gentlemen, this is only the second time I’ve been a best man. I hope I did a good job that time. The couple in question are at least still talking to me. Unfortunately, they’re not actually talking to each other, but I’m sure that had absolutely nothing to do with me. Apparently, she knew he'd slept with her younger sister before I mentioned it in my speech. The fact that he slept with her mother came as a surprise.

...and so on.

 

[Cecil]

I know mate - don't worry about the speech - trust me you'll be fine.

I'm looking forward to a good wedding - how was the stag do? If you want to come watch the dvd for some tips feel free X

Stag do was awsome, still feeling it now though !!!!

Yeah Speech will be fine, just looking forward to getting it out the way so I can crack on and enjoy the boozing !!

 

[Trufflehound]

"I've had a wonderful time. Unfortunately, this wasn't it."

 

[H block]

I met an old friend who I was best man to many many years ago and hadn`t seen for years. I asked him how things were and he told me that that very morning he had told his wife that she was fat, ugly and an embarrassment to him whereever they went. She came back apparently with a tirade of abuse that informed him that the very touch of him made her skin crawl and that he was the biggest tosser she had ever met and she would quite happily see him dead.Took me aback on hearing that so I just told him that at least they were still talking.

 

[Barrel of Fun]

Bullet points have worked for me in the past - I've never been best man, but have spoken at more than a few graduation ceremonies. That way, you can try and remember the speech, but if you get lost you can get back on track quickly without scanning through pages of script.

This.

Sounds like a good plan. I was originally going to do it with a few key words and see where it takes me, but I shall go with the bullet points.

The best laughs I have heard at Best mans speech is those that notice little bits on the day. The dodgy vicar, the alcoholic master of ceremonies etc etc. Also ancedotes about the groom are good but not ones that involve getting his knob out and shagging other women. Don’t rely too much on I/net jokes. Most have been told before.

I agree. I have been garnering info and little snippets ever since he asked me from current events and plan to use the night before and wedding as material to add to it. It will certainly bring in and involve those that don't know much about the groom. It was only the other day that the Bride's father announced (during dinner) that it was the first time he 'had boned a lamb and barbecued it'.


I'm MC for another wedding and trying to decide the fancy dress for the groom for our journey up to Scotland for the stag. Three of us on a train from Kings X at 7.30am to meet the rest of the Scottish clan for a trip to The Ayr Grand National - a jockey perhaps with two coconut husks for that special horse sound.

The Wedding is in Essex, so my opening line will be "Ladies, Gentlemen and residents of Essex..."

 

[Trufflehound]

Look the groom directly the eye, burst into tears and scream: "Why her for God's sake? You said you loved ME!"

 

[essbee]

Truffle,

Bit close to the truth for me that one.

When I was best man - the groom (east end boy) told me that I cooud confide in the assembled masses that after him and I had indulged in a late night drinking sesh - that he would rather marry me.

That went down well...especially with the bride's contingent - I could hear gasps
of disbelief!

 

[strings]

If all else fails, do the elephant impression...

 

[FamilyGuy]

"It is a tradition in (the Groom's family) that the Best man's speech doesn't last any longer than it takes for the Groom to make love to his wife on their Wedding Night................so cheers everyone!" Then sit down (get up again after the laughter has died down)

Well before the speeches, secretly give out 6x old door keys to random men of all ages/sizes who are in the audience. Tell them to keep them secret but to listen out for their cue in your speech.
In the speech say something about how the bride has lived an active social life but is now committed to her husband - so if there is anyone in the audience who still has a key to her batchelor pad, please now put them in this bowl (place bowl on table) and we'll say no more about it.
Cue 6x men of various ages who (hopefully amidst plenty of laughter) come to the front of the room and deposit the keys.
Wait for laughter to stop, and then st up (in advance) another guy to nip forward, pick up a key put it in his pocket and give a thumbs up to the bride (cue laughter again).......then continue with speech.

Both of these are tried and tested............

 

[Spider]

"It is a tradition in (the Groom's family) that the Best man's speech doesn't last any longer than it takes for the Groom to make love to his wife on their Wedding Night................so cheers everyone!" Then sit down (get up again after the laughter has died down)

Well before the speeches, secretly give out 6x old door keys to random men of all ages/sizes who are in the audience. Tell them to keep them secret but to listen out for their cue in your speech.
In the speech say something about how the bride has lived an active social life but is now committed to her husband - so if there is anyone in the audience who still has a key to her batchelor pad, please now put them in this bowl (place bowl on table) and we'll say no more about it.
Cue 6x men of various ages who (hopefully amidst plenty of laughter) come to the front of the room and deposit the keys.
Wait for laughter to stop, and then st up (in advance) another guy to nip forward, pick up a key put it in his pocket and give a thumbs up to the bride (cue laughter again).......then continue with speech.

Both of these are tried and tested............

On some Lenny Henry show a while ago where he was watching best man speeches they did this joke, but the killer punch was when the best man said something along the lines of "I was expecting 7 keys, and there's only 6 here, oh wait I forgot to give mine back" and brandishing the last key from his pocket (obviously would have to be better worded than that!). Was pretty funny, though I get the impression it's quite a well worn best man speech joke!

 

[Cheeky Monkey]

Any mention of anal sex usually goes down well in my experience.