Bell Cheeses at work

[jakarta]

One person in our office tuts constantly, which is pretty annoying.

However I’m not quite the sure the person who tuts at the tutting has really thought his protest through as I’m about 2 weeks away from going insane and killing everyone.

Never minding tutting the tutting what about...

 

[Eric the meek]

In 2004, I worked on an IT contract at Scottish Widows in Edinburgh. We had a message from the board telling us to maintain an 'open jaws' approach to our work.
I asked the people around me, and not one person knew what it meant. It was scratched heads all round.

Google wasn't a thing then, but today, 18 years later, I've googled it, and google seems not to know either. An 'open jaw' flight ticket doesn't work.
If anyone can enlighten me, I'd appreciate it.

 

[The Brighton Bear]

In 2004, I worked on an IT contract at Scottish Widows in Edinburgh. We had a message from the board telling us to maintain an 'open jaws' approach to our work.
I asked the people around me, and not one person knew what it meant. It was scratched heads all round.

Google wasn't a thing then, but today, 18 years later, I've googled it, and google seems not to know either. An 'open jaw' flight ticket doesn't work.
If anyone can enlighten me, I'd appreciate it.

It could mean that you should be flexible in your approach to the work?

That is just my interpretation having previous experience of such rubbish.

 

[Happy Exile]

In 2004, I worked on an IT contract at Scottish Widows in Edinburgh. We had a message from the board telling us to maintain an 'open jaws' approach to our work.
I asked the people around me, and not one person knew what it meant. It was scratched heads all round.

Google wasn't a thing then, but today, 18 years later, I've googled it, and google seems not to know either. An 'open jaw' flight ticket doesn't work.
If anyone can enlighten me, I'd appreciate it.

Shortly before 2004 I was working for a dot.com that did some quite niche and specialist things around translating online content. We had a project manager at one client who was desperate to be seen as cutting edge. He'd imply we were an unnecessary expense and he'd be constantly trying to catch us out...and we realised pretty fast that if we said something then he'd repeat it back as if it was his own and then he'd take the credit. So obviously we began to drop made-up phrases and terms into conversation in the certain knowledge that within weeks we'd be sat in a meeting while he authoritatively told everyone about the "pistachio shadow fallacy" or "the spaghetti vine effect". It was unbelievably simple: explain anything using a metaphor - the more outlandish the better - then give that metaphor a name like a theory or a model and he'd never question it. I don't remember "open jaw approach" but that's the kind of thing we'd come up with and I'd like to think someone in Edinburgh was playing the same game we were!

My favourite one was a meeting where we managed to get the phrase "creeping Jesus" in as a way of explaining a project lifecycle by using the narrative of the Stations of the Cross. I love the thought of him sat in a meeting at some point and trying to explain "creeping Jesus theory" to people.

 

[beorhthelm]

In 2004, I worked on an IT contract at Scottish Widows in Edinburgh. We had a message from the board telling us to maintain an 'open jaws' approach to our work.
I asked the people around me, and not one person knew what it meant. It was scratched heads all round.

Google wasn't a thing then, but today, 18 years later, I've googled it, and google seems not to know either. An 'open jaw' flight ticket doesn't work.
If anyone can enlighten me, I'd appreciate it.

hazard a guess meant talking, either promoting open communication or in place of email.

 

[Eric the meek]

It could mean that you should be flexible in your approach to the work?

That is just my interpretation having previous experience of such rubbish.

Oh yes, that was put forward as a possible. Open jaws = open mind, flexible, versatile, agile etc. All those things are common sense. The thing was, nobody had heard of the phrase before, so we were guessing what it meant. Probably not what the author of the message intended.

Being a contractor, I was never invested in any corporate-speak in any place I worked, so I hooted with laughter, said 'what the f*** does that mean?' in a loud English voice in a rather traditional Scottish financial institution, and made a mental note to ignore it until someone clarified it, which nobody did.

 

[WATFORD zero]

Shortly before 2004 I was working for a dot.com that did some quite niche and specialist things around translating online content. We had a project manager at one client who was desperate to be seen as cutting edge. He'd imply we were an unnecessary expense and he'd be constantly trying to catch us out...and we realised pretty fast that if we said something then he'd repeat it back as if it was his own and then he'd take the credit. So obviously we began to drop made-up phrases and terms into conversation in the certain knowledge that within weeks we'd be sat in a meeting while he authoritatively told everyone about the "pistachio shadow fallacy" or "the spaghetti vine effect". It was unbelievably simple: explain anything using a metaphor - the more outlandish the better - then give that metaphor a name like a theory or a model and he'd never question it. I don't remember "open jaw approach" but that's the kind of thing we'd come up with and I'd like to think someone in Edinburgh was playing the same game we were!

My favourite one was a meeting where we managed to get the phrase "creeping Jesus" in as a way of explaining a project lifecycle by using the narrative of the Stations of the Cross. I love the thought of him sat in a meeting at some point and trying to explain "creeping Jesus theory" to people.

I think everyone played it as some point

Back in the late 80s/early 90s, the industry was so small you could play the whole industry. A couple of years after my team at Lloyds Bank put out 'data harbour' after a Friday pub lunch, I had an Oracle salesman earnestly explaining to me exactly what it meant and the reasons behind it, without mentioning the particular pub where it originated once

 

[Eric the meek]

hazard a guess meant talking, either promoting open communication or in place of email.

Yes, that could be a valid explanation, or it could be way off the mark. If only they had communicated effectively themselves.

I forgot to say that the ordinary bods on the floor looked upon the suits in the executive and actuaries as Gods, so to challenge a missive was a real no-no.

Imagine a whole company wasting time trying to figure what the executive are talking about, because it wasn't clear.

 

[South Stand Bonfire]

Christ, what sort of office has music?

And who still works in an office these days for that matter?

You do realise it’s Champions League pop master on Radio 2 all next week? The one time of year I have daily Zoom meetings with the headphones on at 10.30 each day.

 

[South Stand Bonfire]

I remember a friend of a friend telling me in the late 90s/2000s that the dot com company he worked for was so far superior than “traditional “ companies and how the development and lifecycle of his company was 10 times faster than any other company. He was right. They went bust two years later.

 

[Sirnormangall]

In 2004, I worked on an IT contract at Scottish Widows in Edinburgh. We had a message from the board telling us to maintain an 'open jaws' approach to our work.
I asked the people around me, and not one person knew what it meant. It was scratched heads all round.

Google wasn't a thing then, but today, 18 years later, I've googled it, and google seems not to know either. An 'open jaw' flight ticket doesn't work.
If anyone can enlighten me, I'd appreciate it.

I think it probably meant that you should be prepared for your jaw to drop when you hear more of their corporate bull.

 

[timbha]

I remember a friend of a friend telling me in the late 90s/2000s that the dot com company he worked for was so far superior than “traditional “ companies and how the development and lifecycle of his company was 10 times faster than any other company. He was right. They went bust two years later.

Was it called Amazon?

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

In 2004, I worked on an IT contract at Scottish Widows in Edinburgh. We had a message from the board telling us to maintain an 'open jaws' approach to our work.
I asked the people around me, and not one person knew what it meant. It was scratched heads all round.

Google wasn't a thing then, but today, 18 years later, I've googled it, and google seems not to know either. An 'open jaw' flight ticket doesn't work.
If anyone can enlighten me, I'd appreciate it.

Be ready at all times to sooth and salve a saucy sausage.

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

I remember when Andrew Neil edited the Sunday Times, he was always banging on about sunrise industries (dot.tec) and sunset industries (anything nationalised).

Dear old Hislop at Private Eye referred to said shitehouse newspaper as the Sunset Times

 

[Fignon's Ponytail]

Our Bell Cheese has just surpassed THREE YEARS of working 4 day weeks (pretty much spent 2020 at home when everyone else was in), and "WFH" on Fridays....even though we can see he doesn't log onto his computer on Fridays. Gets two breaks before anyone else even stops for lunch, & is regularly 15-30 mins late every day.
The whole company went back to 5 days a week & normal hours at the start of this year. He is now utterly despised amongst our small workforce, but is allowed to keep getting away with it by the bosses - by playing the mental health card. Frustrating.

 

[Paulie Gualtieri]

Our Bell Cheese has just surpassed THREE YEARS of working 4 day weeks (pretty much spent 2020 at home when everyone else was in), and "WFH" on Fridays....even though we can see he doesn't log onto his computer on Fridays. Gets two breaks before anyone else even stops for lunch, & is regularly 15-30 mins late every day.
The whole company went back to 5 days a week & normal hours at the start of this year. He is now utterly despised amongst our small workforce, but is allowed to keep getting away with it by the bosses - by playing the mental health card. Frustrating.

What kind of role does he have, just wondered his defence of not turning on the computer? (assuming this has been challenged?!)

Does the role have the scope for “theory” work?

 

[Fignon's Ponytail]

What kind of role does he have, just wondered his defence of not turning on the computer? (assuming this has been challenged?!)

Does the role have the scope for “theory” work?

Hes the main graphics guy - does all the artwork on his mac that then goes to plate-making & print here in the factory (me and two others had to learn how to run the machinery during the pandemic, for the days he wasn't in & unable to do the physical part of his role). His email is linked to his phone apparently, so if anything goes to him he can just turn on his mac, do a job remotely & send it back to work for us to run out, then go back to watching daytime tv

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

Our Bell Cheese has just surpassed THREE YEARS of working 4 day weeks (pretty much spent 2020 at home when everyone else was in), and "WFH" on Fridays....even though we can see he doesn't log onto his computer on Fridays. Gets two breaks before anyone else even stops for lunch, & is regularly 15-30 mins late every day.
The whole company went back to 5 days a week & normal hours at the start of this year. He is now utterly despised amongst our small workforce, but is allowed to keep getting away with it by the bosses - by playing the mental health card. Frustrating.

Do you happen to know what's written on his mental health card?

 

[Fignon's Ponytail]

Do you happen to know what's written on his mental health card?

Should he even have one...is that a thing? Never heard of it tbh, although thats not to say there isn't something on record. I admitted in my appraisal a few weeks ago that I have had suicidal thoughts this year as I've struggled badly with my mental health, but nothing was put down officially at the time as far as I know.

I know the personal circumstances which started this whole episode off (nothing that doesn't happen to millions of others every year) & I know he WAS upset by it at the time - but its something that you do get over. As far as I know, all hes done since early 2020 is tell the bosses that hes too traumatized & worried about COVID to manage coming in all week (he had his 1st jab last year - but refused to have any more as he got a headache, & doesn't trust whats in it) None of that excuses the slack time keeping etc which has crept in daily though.

I dont doubt he was emotional when it all kicked off, due to the events that happened, but it honestly feels like hes just playing the system now after 3yrs, as he seems perfectly fine when he is here - apart from wearing a huge respirator mask everywhere - and the rest of us feel its all an act to get an easy life at work.

Words have been said to the office director from quite a few people (its only a small company of less than 15), but all he says is "its down to the MD", and that he cant make the decisions about what happens

 

[erkan]

Has anyone else noticed the phrase "piece of work" as being a really annoying bit of corporate speak that has grown in popularity over the last couple of years?

For me, it fits the classic criterion of never having been needed before in the context and now it gets used all the time by people trying to sound important. The inference is that a difficult and vital specialist project is being undertaken by a proper expert rather than someone is just doing part of their job.

In a Zoom meeting of all staff today, three senior management speakers all used the phrase within a minute or two of each other when attempting to give the impression that clever activity was underway and they had a clue how the very shit situation is going to be improved.