[Misc] Autism - Neurodiversity

[BadFish]

As a thread over the weekend largely turned into a general discussion about autism/neurodiversity it may be time we had a specific thread.

Lots of people were asking questions and talking about learning more so maybe this is a good place to do it.

I know lots of people have experiences and here are mine.

I am immersed in neurodiversity. My three kids have a mixture of autism, ADHD, dyslexia and loads of anxiety. I am in the middle of a autism graduate diploma, I also work as a teacher at a special school, as an advocate for autism families, tutor, life coach and assist schools too.

I have also taken steps towards a diagnosis for myself (autism and ADHD). Although I mask well I am really interested in childhood me. An ADHD (no H) diagnosis could also explain a few things.

I will also dig out some videos and stuff to help explain autism. Please add your stories and resources too.

 

[BadFish]

This is a bit mid friendly but a good explanation of autism (especially for kids).

 

[BadFish]

This one is a bit more in-depth but hits the nail on the head for me in so many ways.

 

[Solid at the back]

Amazing thread. Thanks for this.

My 4 year old son is autistic, non-verbal (makes everything so, so much harder because he can't express himself and tell us what is bothering him). He is a very, very happy young boy, fascinated by vehicles, especially buses!

This is the biggest challenge I will face in my life time. It is incredibly difficult trying to parent a child with such complex needs, and with his total lack of sleep it really compounds everything. He often goes to sleep at 8 and is awake from between 1 and 4. Then wide completely wide awake from 6. It's a real challenge for me and his mother, we're only young.

Currently going through the process of trying to find him a suitable school. Obviously, no local schools have the qualifications to teach him and the school we applied for is full, council are suggesting he may need to go to a main stream school. They cannot meet he's needs. We will fight this.

Everyday is a real struggle, luckily I work, but my Mrs, she's is amazing. She is with him everyday, she manages his meltdowns. Not little meltdowns, you probably don't understand until you've been in a situation where you walk down the wrong road, or you put the wrong shoes on to go to work. The meltdowns are real. I love her so much, I don't know how she does it. Even the nursery he's at say they can't take him anymore hours, they don't have the staff apparently. Yet advertise all over Sussex they have places available. Funny that.

Love him so much. He's so clever, just in his own way. I just hope, one day he'll be able to call me dad.

 

[Triggaaar]

This one is a bit more in-depth but hits the nail on the head for me in so many ways.

Some of their presentation was focusing on explaining that autism itself isn't a disability and that it's society that disables autistic people, and that autistic and neurotypical people are just different versions of human, with neither one more healthy than the other. While society can undoubtedly be improved to help autistic people, I'm not sure that their points are correct or particularly helpful. Of course people deserve respect and equal human rights (something they commented on), but if autism is a disability (as opposed to society being disabling) I don't see that as being a problem.

 

[BadFish]

Some of her presentation was focusing on explaining that autism itself isn't a disability and that it's society that disables autistic people, and that autistic and neurotypical people are just different versions of human, with neither one more healthy than the other. While society can undoubtedly be improved to help autistic people, I'm not sure that her points are correct or particularly helpful. Of course people deserve respect and equal human rights (something she commented on), but if autism is a disability (as opposed to society being disabling) I don't see that as being a problem.

The medical Vs Social model of disability is an interesting discussion. https://pwd.org.au/resources/models-of-disability/

As is usual with these things I suspect that the answer lay somewhere in both camps.

I will say this though, autism cannot be cured in the individual so the medical model is limited and a lot of challenges for autistic people can be lessened by adapting the environment making it easier to interact with. Many sports stadiums now have sensory-friendly areas for neurodiverse people to be able to watch sport. A quick google finds this at the Amex https://www.brightonandhovealbion.com/club/stadiums/the-amex-stadium/access-stadium/inclusion-room

As you say there is a lot that we can do as a society to help that would have minimal impact on us. I guess it is about finding a balance between what is reasonable to do as a society while recognising the strain that is placed on autistic individuals when we ask them to change to fit a neurotypical environment.

 

[Joey Jo Jo Jr. Shabadoo]

Amazing thread. Thanks for this.

My 4 year old son is autistic, non-verbal (makes everything so, so much harder because he can't express himself and tell us what is bothering him). He is a very, very happy young boy, fascinated by vehicles, especially buses!

This is the biggest challenge I will face in my life time. It is incredibly difficult trying to parent a child with such complex needs, and with his total lack of sleep it really compounds everything. He often goes to sleep at 8 and is awake from between 1 and 4. Then wide completely wide awake from 6. It's a real challenge for me and his mother, we're only young.

Currently going through the process of trying to find him a suitable school. Obviously, no local schools have the qualifications to teach him and the school we applied for is full, council are suggesting he may need to go to a main stream school. They cannot meet he's needs. We will fight this.

Everyday is a real struggle, luckily I work, but my Mrs, she's is amazing. She is with him everyday, she manages his meltdowns. Not little meltdowns, you probably don't understand until you've been in a situation where you walk down the wrong road, or you put the wrong shoes on to go to work. The meltdowns are real. I love her so much, I don't know how she does it. Even the nursery he's at say they can't take him anymore hours, they don't have the staff apparently. Yet advertise all over Sussex they have places available. Funny that.

Love him so much. He's so clever, just in his own way. I just hope, one day he'll be able to call me dad.

A lot of what you’ve described is very similar to my youngest son when he was that age. He was non verbal, his nursery although they were great with other things put this down to him having 3 older siblings who could do his talking for him (as ridiculous as that sounds) and that he was just a late developer. The sleep pattern sounds almost identical and it was a huge and exhausting challenge. He displayed other autistic characteristics too but we faced a battle to get him assessed and diagnosed, we even paid for a private assessment in the end.

He was also in mainstream school until the start of the January term when he was in Year 2. He struggled massively (meltdows were regular in and out of school) and he couldn’t read and would barely write, although he got some speech and language therapy which started to improve his speech and he started to find his voice (for want of a better way to put it).

Anyway fast forward a few years and he’s now 10 and in Year 5 at a SEN school, they’ve given him the tools to help him cope with everyday life a lot more. We have a lot less meltdowns, his speech and language has come on massively, he still struggles to be understood sometimes but most people wouldn’t have a clue he was ever non verbal. He can now read and write too and despite the disruption to his education caused by Covid he’s actually closed the gap between where he was and should be when he joined the school and where he is now and what is an expected level for someone in Year 5. At times I had doubts any of that would happen but he surprises me almost every day with much he is growing and achieving academically.

The sleep still isn’t perfect, even with melatonin, it changes on an almost nightly occurrence of what time he will wake up. Eventually it all catches up with him and he’ll come home from school exhausted and pretty much collapse on a sofa and sleep for the next 14/15 hours until it’s time for school the next day.

Hopefully that gives you some reassurance that despite how things are at the moment things can and do change. Just keep supporting and encouraging your son and I’m sure he’ll be surprising you too and hopefully you will hear those words you want to hear too.

 

[Triggaaar]

The medical Vs Social model of disability is an interesting discussion. https://pwd.org.au/resources/models-of-disability/

As is usual with these things I suspect that the answer lay somewhere in both camps.

So the social model distinguishes Impairment and Disability

• Impairment is a medical condition that leads to disability.
• Disability is the result of the interaction between people living with impairments and barriers in the physical, attitudinal, communication and social environment.

I got the feeling that Jac (the doctor giving the presentation) was suggesting that autism wasn't an impairment (because I don't think they mentioned the distinction). This is what I was referring to in my first post. I don't think it's helpful to pretend that impairments don't exist. We should do what we can to improve society to help people with disability/impairment, and of course protect their rights etc, but saying that autism isn't an impairment is just confusing.

I will say this though, autism cannot be cured in the individual so the medical model is limited

That is true for other disabilities too. Jac talked about the funding aimed at improving society for autistic people vs funding for preventing people being autistic in the future: I get the impression that they'd rather there was no research put towards preventing autism because there is nothing wrong with being autistic.

Presumably the medical model accepts that people with autism can't simply be 'cured', and I assume that the medical model is not against the idea of improving society to benefit autistic people?

and a lot of challenges for autistic people can be lessened by adapting the environment making it easier to interact with. Many sports stadiums now have sensory-friendly areas for neurodiverse people to be able to watch sport. A quick google finds this at the Amex https://www.brightonandhovealbion.com/club/stadiums/the-amex-stadium/access-stadium/inclusion-room

As you say there is a lot that we can do as a society to help that would have minimal impact on us. I guess it is about finding a balance between what is reasonable to do as a society while recognising the strain that is placed on autistic individuals when we ask them to change to fit a neurotypical environment.

Yep, I'd like to see society do as much as it can to help people.

Please don't make the supermarkets dim though, I can barely read the labels as it is. Although perhaps they could have specific hours where the lights are made dimmer, and noises reduced to help people with autism shop (I know supermarkets are a nightmare for many autistic people).

 

[BadFish]

Amazing thread. Thanks for this.

My 4 year old son is autistic, non-verbal (makes everything so, so much harder because he can't express himself and tell us what is bothering him). He is a very, very happy young boy, fascinated by vehicles, especially buses!

This is the biggest challenge I will face in my life time. It is incredibly difficult trying to parent a child with such complex needs, and with his total lack of sleep it really compounds everything. He often goes to sleep at 8 and is awake from between 1 and 4. Then wide completely wide awake from 6. It's a real challenge for me and his mother, we're only young.

Currently going through the process of trying to find him a suitable school. Obviously, no local schools have the qualifications to teach him and the school we applied for is full, council are suggesting he may need to go to a main stream school. They cannot meet he's needs. We will fight this.

Everyday is a real struggle, luckily I work, but my Mrs, she's is amazing. She is with him everyday, she manages his meltdowns. Not little meltdowns, you probably don't understand until you've been in a situation where you walk down the wrong road, or you put the wrong shoes on to go to work. The meltdowns are real. I love her so much, I don't know how she does it. Even the nursery he's at say they can't take him anymore hours, they don't have the staff apparently. Yet advertise all over Sussex they have places available. Funny that.

Love him so much. He's so clever, just in his own way. I just hope, one day he'll be able to call me dad.

I hear you, the challenges are so worth it. You got this!

My daughter is 15 and her sensory thing is touch, she won't hug or kiss and struggles with her emotion and feelings. I share a similar hope in that one day she will hug me, until then I satisfy myself with the odd high five and half smile. Same as you though she is awesome and incredible, just in a different way.

With the school stuff have you looked at working with an advocate? This is the kind of stuff I do here in Australia. They may be able to help with advice in finding the best school option and assisting to make it work. Forgive me but I am in work mode I did a bit of a google to see what is available in the UK https://www.autism.org.uk/directory/e/education-advocacy-uk-ltd

Again forgive me and tell me to mind my own business but I have had a lot of success with a kind of hybrid approach to schooling over here. A few hours at mainstream, a few hours at a special school and/or some time with virtual education (not sure how big this is over there but in Australia, it is growing like crazy - especially since COVID). Obviously, the time in each should be adjusted to suit your son's needs and will need changing and tweaking as you go but it may be something to think about.

The sad truth of it is that you will have to fight for what you need (unless the UK is better than over here), an advocate can help support you and your wife in this as it is exhausting.

If you ever want to PM me about any of this or even for a rant/vent please feel free.

 

[Solid at the back]

A lot of what you’ve described is very similar to my youngest son when he was that age. He was non verbal, his nursery although they were great with other things put this down to him having 3 older siblings who could do his talking for him (as ridiculous as that sounds) and that he was just a late developer. The sleep pattern sounds almost identical and it was a huge and exhausting challenge. He displayed other autistic characteristics too but we faced a battle to get him assessed and diagnosed, we even paid for a private assessment in the end.

He was also in mainstream school until the start of the January term when he was in Year 2. He struggled massively (meltdows were regular in and out of school) and he couldn’t read and would barely write, although he got some speech and language therapy which started to improve his speech and he started to find his voice (for want of a better way to put it).

Anyway fast forward a few years and he’s now 10 and in Year 5 at a SEN school, they’ve given him the tools to help him cope with everyday life a lot more. We have a lot less meltdowns, his speech and language has come on massively, he still struggles to be understood sometimes but most people wouldn’t have a clue he was ever non verbal. He can now read and write too and despite the disruption to his education caused by Covid he’s actually closed the gap between where he was and should be when he joined the school and where he is now and what is an expected level for someone in Year 5. At times I had doubts any of that would happen but he surprises me almost every day with much he is growing and achieving academically.

Hopefully that gives you some reassurance that despite how things are at the moment things can and do change. Just keep supporting and encouraging your son and I’m sure he’ll be surprising you too and hopefully you will hear those words you want to hear too.

Thanks for this. This is encouraging. It's good to get someone else's perspective from someone who is going through what we are.

Out of curiosity, how difficult was it to toilet train your child? Currently for us it feels impossible, he has even has a meltdown if we don't use the right nappy, or certain baby wipes. Even at 4 it feels a million miles off.

Also, how were they when it came to bed time? Atm the Mrs sleeps on the sofa (partly to my snoring!) but also I am the go to during night time. I'm conscious that Mrs SATB needs as much sleep as possible to help her during the day. I can always get a nap on my lunch break at work, she doesn't have that luxury. I feel it helps her, even slightly. My boy is like clockwork, 3am every night, but the last few weeks have been hard because it's been 1 am, unsettled for a couple hours, 3 am, same again, wake at 630. Finding I just go to sleep at 9 to bank a few hours. Not healthy for me and her though.

 

[Triggaaar]

The sad truth of it is that you will have to fight for what you need (unless the UK is better than over here)

No, you'll have to fight for help here too.

 

[Triggaaar]

Thanks for this. This is encouraging. It's good to get someone else's perspective from someone who is going through what we are.

Out of curiosity, how difficult was it to toilet train your child? Currently for us it feels impossible, he has even has a meltdown if we don't use the right nappy, or certain baby wipes. Even at 4 it feels a million miles off.

Also, how were they when it came to bed time? Atm the Mrs sleeps on the sofa (partly to my snoring!) but also I am the go to during night time. I'm conscious that Mrs SATB needs as much sleep as possible to help her during the day. I can always get a nap on my lunch break at work, she doesn't have that luxury. I feel it helps her, even slightly. My boy is like clockwork, 3am every night, but the last few weeks have been hard because it's been 1 am, unsettled for a couple hours, 3 am, same again, wake at 630. Finding I just go to sleep at 9 to bank a few hours. Not healthy for me and her though.

I hope you guys get some respite, because it must be exhausting for you as a couple and difficult to deal with.

 

[Solid at the back]

I hear you, the challenges are so worth it. You got this!

My daughter is 15 and her sensory thing is touch, she won't hug or kiss and struggles with her emotion and feelings. I share a similar hope in that one day she will hug me, until then I satisfy myself with the odd high five and half smile. Same as you though she is awesome and incredible, just in a different way.

With the school stuff have you looked at working with an advocate? This is the kind of stuff I do here in Australia. They may be able to help with advice in finding the best school option and assisting to make it work. Forgive me but I am in work mode I did a bit of a google to see what is available in the UK https://www.autism.org.uk/directory/e/education-advocacy-uk-ltd

Again forgive me and tell me to mind my own business but I have had a lot of success with a kind of hybrid approach to schooling over here. A few hours at mainstream, a few hours at a special school and/or some time with virtual education (not sure how big this is over there but in Australia, it is growing like crazy - especially since COVID). Obviously, the time in each should be adjusted to suit your son's needs and will need changing and tweaking as you go but it may be something to think about.

The sad truth of it is that you will have to fight for what you need (unless the UK is better than over here), an advocate can help support you and your wife in this as it is exhausting.

If you ever want to PM me about any of this or even for a rant/vent please feel free.

I will read this, thoroughly, but tomorrow! He's gonna be awake anytime from the next 20 mins so need to bank some sleep!

Will add that he is very touchy feely, and responds so well if we say "have you got a kiss for mummy/daddy" "high 5" and have recently taught him to do a fist bump! Amazing

He's also recently learnt his own coping mechanism of covering his eyes, small but HUGE. Means when we're walking down a road he doesn't recognise, or a TV show comes on he doesn't like, hands over face and pretend he can't see it!

Also HAIRCUTS. What a nightmare, took 4 adults (constantly distracting him) a few weeks ago to get it done. Luckily we have this amazing lady, who comes so far to cut his hair, she only charges a tenner but I have to give her 20, as much as I can afford. She is a trained barber for children and has done some work with children with autism. She was in tears a few weeks ago after a successful mission, bless her.

 

[Joey Jo Jo Jr. Shabadoo]

Thanks for this. This is encouraging. It's good to get someone else's perspective from someone who is going through what we are.

Out of curiosity, how difficult was it to toilet train your child? Currently for us it feels impossible, he has even has a meltdown if we don't use the right nappy, or certain baby wipes. Even at 4 it feels a million miles off.

Also, how were they when it came to bed time? Atm the Mrs sleeps on the sofa (partly to my snoring!) but also I am the go to during night time. I'm conscious that Mrs SATB needs as much sleep as possible to help her during the day. I can always get a nap on my lunch break at work, she doesn't have that luxury. I feel it helps her, even slightly. My boy is like clockwork, 3am every night, but the last few weeks have been hard because it's been 1 am, unsettled for a couple hours, 3 am, same again, wake at 630. Finding I just go to sleep at 9 to bank a few hours. Not healthy for me and her though.

Toilet training was a challenge, we didn’t necessarily have meltdowns more just a reluctance towards it. Just had to encourage and persevere until eventually he tried it and things slowly clicked for him.

He wore pull ups at night until he was about 8, he has medication that helps mimic the antidiuretic hormone and stops him producing as much wee at night, although we do still have the odd wet bed. We can also have daytime soiling occasionally too, especially at times of stress.

Bedtime was a real challenge. He just wouldn’t sleep, sometimes he’d still be awake at 10pm and showing no signs of slowing down. That has changed now he has melatonin. I’ve got a pretty rigid bedtime routine with him as that works (the main exception to the bed time routine is when we are at football or we are on TV).

He has his medication half an hour before bed and the vast majority of nights he’s asleep pretty quickly. He still wakes up early, it can vary but it’s normally between 4 and 6 am that he gets up. It can be as early as 2 though. I tried a later bedtime but he was still getting up as early so I saw no advantage in a permanent change to a later bedtime as it was just making him and me more tired.

 

[BadFish]

So the social model distinguishes Impairment and Disability

• Impairment is a medical condition that leads to disability.
• Disability is the result of the interaction between people living with impairments and barriers in the physical, attitudinal, communication and social environment.

I got the feeling that Jac (the doctor giving the presentation) was suggesting that autism wasn't an impairment (because I don't think they mentioned the distinction). This is what I was referring to in my first post. I don't think it's helpful to pretend that impairments don't exist. We should do what we can to improve society to help people with disability/impairment, and of course protect their rights etc, but saying that autism isn't an impairment is just confusing.



That is true for other disabilities too. Jac talked about the funding aimed at improving society for autistic people vs funding for preventing people being autistic in the future: I get the impression that they'd rather there was no research put towards preventing autism because there is nothing wrong with being autistic.

Presumably the medical model accepts that people with autism can't simply be 'cured', and I assume that the medical model is not against the idea of improving society to benefit autistic people?



Yep, I'd like to see society do as much as it can to help people.

Please don't make the supermarkets dim though, I can barely read the labels as it is. Although perhaps they could have specific hours where the lights are made dimmer, and noises reduced to help people with autism shop (I know supermarkets are a nightmare for many autistic people).

I'll broadly agree with everything you say here. It has been interesting to study and the discussions going on around the autism community are fascinating too. I won't bore you with it all here.

What is good is that there are now many adults who have grown up with the diagnoses and are now expressing their ideas and opinions. More info to help the next generation.

My local supermarkets have a sensory hour or two a week. Quite, no music, no shelf stacking and yes dimmer. Very encouraging to me that so much of the world is prepared to adapt to autistic people.

Edit: The causes and curing/prevention of autism is another interesting discussion. With such a huge spectrum of characteristics, it is hard to speak for the whole community but you are right there are many people who don't believe in curing or preventing autism because of the benefits that those differently wired brains make to our society. Do we really want to deprive ourselves of brilliant minds such as Alan Turing? Once you start looking into the personalities of brilliant people throughout history you see a pattern of social and sensory challenges suggesting undiagnosed autism surrounding some of the most incredible minds throughout history.

If you offered me a cure for my kids (or indeed myself) I would, without hesitation refuse. My 18 year old would agree. Having said that if we could get rid of the anxiety that co-occurs with it we would be happy.

 

[Uh_huh_him]

Fasc

This one is a bit more in-depth but hits the nail on the head for me in so many ways.

fascinating, thank you

 

[Uh_huh_him]

My son is 22 and was diagnosed at 3.
He is high functioning/Aspergers.

We have been working with the "problem" most of his life.
There were many bumps along the way.

At 19 there was a physical confrontation at his mother's house, which led to the Police being called and him spending the night in a cell.
He moved in with me for a year after that.
We had some issues and eventually he moved into a bedsit,

Since then he has flourished,
Completed his College course, moved down to Sussex and is now applying for University.

He and I have had several discussions about his experiences.
The upshot of it all is, that he has spent his entire life being treated as a problem to be solved.
He has never been really listened to.
His violent outbursts are not as a direct result of his Autism, but frustration at being told what to think.
I have conceded that all of this is true, and explained to him, my feelings on why I took the approach I did.
This has greatly improved our relationship.

He does not have a positive view on autism, which I believe is wholly due to parenting.
I had always considered myself to be a "good parent" trying to do the best for my son.
I failed him in so may ways.

He is struggling with friendships/getting a girlfriend. He has typical social/communication issues.
But he is soldiering on and working hard at "improving himself.
In reality he doesn't need to improve himself, he just needs to find people who understand him.

The video resonated with me, because for many high functioning autistic people, their main disadvantage, is being expected to conform to a neurotypical society.
Which includes the people closest to them.

 

[Neville's Breakfast]

Thanks for this. This is encouraging. It's good to get someone else's perspective from someone who is going through what we are.

Out of curiosity, how difficult was it to toilet train your child? Currently for us it feels impossible, he has even has a meltdown if we don't use the right nappy, or certain baby wipes. Even at 4 it feels a million miles off.

Also, how were they when it came to bed time? Atm the Mrs sleeps on the sofa (partly to my snoring!) but also I am the go to during night time. I'm conscious that Mrs SATB needs as much sleep as possible to help her during the day. I can always get a nap on my lunch break at work, she doesn't have that luxury. I feel it helps her, even slightly. My boy is like clockwork, 3am every night, but the last few weeks have been hard because it's been 1 am, unsettled for a couple hours, 3 am, same again, wake at 630. Finding I just go to sleep at 9 to bank a few hours. Not healthy for me and her though.

Thank you for sharing these posts. I do hope you and your wife find time for each other as well.

 

[Rambo]

Amazing thread. Thanks for this.

My 4 year old son is autistic, non-verbal (makes everything so, so much harder because he can't express himself and tell us what is bothering him). He is a very, very happy young boy, fascinated by vehicles, especially buses!

This is the biggest challenge I will face in my life time. It is incredibly difficult trying to parent a child with such complex needs, and with his total lack of sleep it really compounds everything. He often goes to sleep at 8 and is awake from between 1 and 4. Then wide completely wide awake from 6. It's a real challenge for me and his mother, we're only young.

Currently going through the process of trying to find him a suitable school. Obviously, no local schools have the qualifications to teach him and the school we applied for is full, council are suggesting he may need to go to a main stream school. They cannot meet he's needs. We will fight this.

Everyday is a real struggle, luckily I work, but my Mrs, she's is amazing. She is with him everyday, she manages his meltdowns. Not little meltdowns, you probably don't understand until you've been in a situation where you walk down the wrong road, or you put the wrong shoes on to go to work. The meltdowns are real. I love her so much, I don't know how she does it. Even the nursery he's at say they can't take him anymore hours, they don't have the staff apparently. Yet advertise all over Sussex they have places available. Funny that.

Love him so much. He's so clever, just in his own way. I just hope, one day he'll be able to call me dad.

This is my world too.

 

[BadFish]

My son is 22 and was diagnosed at 3.
He is high functioning/Aspergers.

We have been working with the "problem" most of his life.
There were many bumps along the way.

At 19 there was a physical confrontation at his mother's house, which led to the Police being called and him spending the night in a cell.
He moved in with me for a year after that.
We had some issues and eventually he moved into a bedsit,

Since then he has flourished,
Completed his College course, moved down to Sussex and is now applying for University.

He and I have had several discussions about his experiences.
The upshot of it all is, that he has spent his entire life being treated as a problem to be solved.
He has never been really listened to.
His violent outbursts are not as a direct result of his Autism, but frustration at being told what to think.
I have conceded that all of this is true, and explained to him, my feelings on why I took the approach I did.
This has greatly improved our relationship.

He does not have a positive view on autism, which I believe is wholly due to parenting.
I had always considered myself to be a "good parent" trying to do the best for my son.
I failed him in so may ways.

He is struggling with friendships/getting a girlfriend. He has typical social/communication issues.
But he is soldiering on and working hard at "improving himself.
In reality he doesn't need to improve himself, he just needs to find people who understand him.

The video resonated with me, because for many high functioning autistic people, their main disadvantage, is being expected to conform to a neurotypical society.
Which includes the people closest to them.

I'm glad things are looking up.

I hope you don't give yourself a hard time about this. This was the way it was back then. You did what you thought was best and followed the advice of the time.

So good you have a good enough relationship with him to talk about it and work out what he needs. That's important.

I hope he finds himself and continues to thrive.