[Albion] Article on Brighton

[DaChiken14]

Hi guys,

I am Josh Ilan, an aspiring football journalist and a long-suffering Barnet fan.

It would be much appreciated if you could read my article on "Oscar has a lot to live up to as Brighton head coach". If you could rate article at the top of the page, that would be great - comments on either this forum or the blog would also be brilliant.

Here is the link to the article.

Thanks in advance,

Josh

 

[Soulman]

Not a bad article but most of the theories about the sacking of Gus are what has been written and quoted in the media, so really this bit is just copying journalism in my opinion. Hopefully the facts and truth will come out when the investigation is completed. Your article seems to suggest that the comments after the Palace game were the reason for the suspension of Gus, i think that events and quotes before that day could also have added to the reason for the suspension.
Apart from that, everything else has been covered in other articles in the tabloids.

 

[GreersElbow]

I liked it, interesting to see an outsider's point of view.

 

[dougdeep]

I think the expression Mass Achievements is a little over the top.

 

[Hugo Rune]

Speculating too much on the reasons Gus was axed would have been a bad idea so well done for avoiding that particular pitfall. Nice article overall but I would like to read more about Oscar's time with Barcelona Youth. Who did he coach? Who did he work with? What were the results like? Why did he leave? However I do realise this is an article about the Albion & not the Oscar.

 

[BuddyBoy]

Not a bad article but most of the theories about the sacking of Gus are what has been written and quoted in the media, so really this bit is just copying journalism in my opinion. Hopefully the facts and truth will come out when the investigation is completed. Your article seems to suggest that the comments after the Palace game were the reason for the suspension of Gus, i think that events and quotes before that day could also have added to the reason for the suspension.
Apart from that, everything else has been covered in other articles in the tabloids.

I disagree in regards to copying. I don't think this article is meant as a report on the GP saga. A decent article has to give some background, which this has done well enough. It progress' nicely and is is an overall okay piece.

 

[Vatican Citys No.2 Keeper]

Hi guys,

I am Josh Ilan, an aspiring football journalist and a long-suffering Barnet fan.

It would be much appreciated if you could read my article on "Oscar has a lot to live up to as Brighton head coach". If you could rate article at the top of the page, that would be great - comments on either this forum or the blog would also be brilliant.

Here is the link to the article.

Thanks in advance,

Josh

Ah the "Football League 72" website is back then. What happened last year, as you set it up then as far as I could tell it went quiet with no articles for months and a short-lived attempt at a magazine?

 

[scooter1]

What's a breach of misconduct?

 

[Goldstone Rapper]

Ah the "Football League 72" website is back then. What happened last year, as you set it up then as far as I could tell it went quite with no articles for months and a short-lived attempt at a magazine?

This.

The drama behind the website would make a good piece.

As for the article itself, I thought it was interesting and very well written although some of the criticism of the club is unwarranted given that we do not know what was happening behind the scenes. The site shows promise so I've chosen to follow it via Wordpress Reader.

 

[Vatican Citys No.2 Keeper]

The site shows promise so I've chosen to follow it via Wordpress Reader.

Indeed, as it did last year when it was first set up. Lot of input and was a good outlet for young wannabe sports journalists to write about their clubs (as I was for Albion when it was set up) and showed lot of promise.

This I just my personal opinion and was as well at the time, but the jump after only a few months from being a promising football website that's focus wasn't on the PL to a online magazine was way too soon. The way the first mag came out was a poorly designed eyesore that removed any desire I had to read it at all.

Having said that, the website had potential then and if focus on that is continued then it certainly still does now!

 

[WhingForPresident]

If I could offer some constructive criticism, I think you should try and simplify your writing style. It doesn't flow very well in all honesty as it looks like you're trying too hard.

 

[Sam-]

I don't want to come across as negative as I did enjoy reading the article and found it interesting to see another point of view on the situation.
But if its okay I will just give a few constructive points.
Firstly, you clearly have a lot of skill at writing (probably more than myself), so I would avoid using the football punditry cliches. Such as "wealth of experience", it is not necessarily an incorrect statement but you should try to put your own personality and style into your writing. Several paragraphs, to me, was different from other sports journalists style and very pleasing to read.

Secondly, there are a couple of occasions where as a reader I got the impression you have put too many words in if you know what I mean, you could have worded things more succinctly without losing any of the information or emotion. I believe the better the writer the less words they will need to achieve the same impact.

But I am by no means saying I could do better or am any kind of journalism guru and the article was well researched, generally well written and an enjoyable read. So it definitely does what you would want from a sports article.

 

[Goldstone Rapper]

Are there any parallels between the Football League 72 website being tight-lipped over an internal crisis and personnel changes and the drama and communication of Brighton & Hove Albion?

 

[Leighgull]

What's a breach of misconduct?

Good Conduct?

 

[bristolseagull]

It's the Premier League. It hasn't been the 'Premiership' for years

 

[Goldstone Rapper]

It remains to be seen how far this website can sufficiently cover all 72 Football League clubs over the course of a season without losing steam, given that there is only one writer. At roughly one post a day, you're only going to see your own club featured four times a season. Why make this your first port of call for current affairs about your side when other websites will have at least four articles about your club per fortnight?

 

[Bakero]

Interesting overall but a few points:

Yes, he was arrogant, and the club’s growth off the pitch – such as Bloom’s leadership and the phenomenal Amex Stadium being built – but Brighton would not have grown to such an enormous level had it not been for the maverick that is Poyet. This could be worded better.

Too many 'with him having's. Get rid of the with him.

 

[Seagull58]

"Breach of misconduct" is grammatically incorrect.
You have missed out some words in this phrasing "Yes, he was arrogant, and the club’s growth off the pitch – such as Bloom’s leadership and the phenomenal Amex Stadium being built – but Brighton would not have grown to such an enormous level had it not been for the maverick that is Poyet".
It should be "pay off", not "pay-off".

 

[enterprise]

Agree with many of the comments above. One additional mistake is that it's Charlie Oatway, not Outway!

 

[Gordon Bennett]

For completeness you might want to mention that Tarrico wasn't found guilty of misconduct and so was reinstated but then left by mutual consent.