Anyone know any REALLY GOOD one line jokes?

[Matrix10]

There is a jewellers down the road that has a sign in his window "watch batteries changed" and I have always thought, that's not much of a spectator sport.

 

[upthealbion1970]

The England football team

 

[spongy]

I worked in a mirror factory for 15 years, it was always something I could see myself doing.

 

[spongy]

My dad used to collect empty beer bottles, sounds so much better than alcoholic......

 

[kevtherev]

What's three inches long and only goes in One Direction?.....Louis Walsh's cock.

 

[mrbigshot]

I remember my grandad's last words before he kicked the bucket, "watch me kick this bucket"

My internet bride got delivered today, she's the WiFi always dreamed of.

Don't you hate it when a sentence doesn't finish the way you think it octopus

What do you get if you cross a Railway with a fridge? Killed.

Statistics show that 6,246,348,532 people were too lazy to read that number.

 

[u'vebeenamexed]

My chocoholic mate got a special offer and bought three Mars' for the price of two. I thought "he's got a bargain there".

 

[thedonkeycentrehalf]

I bought a singing computer today - it's a Dell

 

[Mr Smggles]

Two neutrinos walk through a bar.

 

[Marxo]

Stewart Francis, one of the best in 1-liners:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qWH5XubGKLA

 

[KLUNK]

What do you call a fanny on top of a fanny on top of a fanny on top of a fanny on top of a fanny?

A block of flaps!

 

[TheJasperCo]

Crystal Palace won some silverware this year. At least that's what Glenn Murray said as he ran off from Tesco Express with a stash of cutlery.

 

[cunningplan]

Marriage isn't a word, it's a sentence.

 

[cunningplan]

dyslexia rules, KO?

 

[cunningplan]

From a Wolverhampton Wanderers supporter friend... 'Why should I go to Molyneux to watch the Wanderers; they didn't come and see me when I was bad!'

 

[inland seagull]

I stood next to an insurance salesman at a Robbie Williams concert and through it all he offered me protection

 

[Trelford Mills Guide Dog]

Did you hear what happened to the circumciser who slipped ?

... He got the sac(k) !

 

[¤DãŃn¥ §êãGüLL¤]

Now that was bloody funny !!!

Did you hear about the dyslexic alcoholic who choked to death on his own vimto?

 

[Butch Willykins]

My sister works for the Gas Board.....Wanna meter??

 

[NMH]

I used to know a really good one about amnesia