[Football] Alternatives to "cant hit a barn door" and "cant hit a cow with a banjo"

[Swansman]

Alternatives to "cant hit a barn door" and "cant hit a cow with a banjo"

English is one of the richest languages yet these two phrases seem to be all there is aside from the occasional "couldnt score in a brothel". We have the barn door one in Sweden as well, the cow and the banjo thing is probably something purely English... we dont do that around here. Waste of a good banjo and the cow might get disappointed.

Surely there should be more imaginative ways of describing someone failing to score?

 

[southstandandy]

Doing a 'Locadia'?

 

[Jack Straw]

One we use a lot here is, "He couldn't hit a Manta Ray with a kazoo."

 

[Guinness Boy]

Point of order. There's no such thing as a good banjo. Well, except for [MENTION=22214]banjo[/MENTION]

 

[pastafarian]

Point of order. There's no such thing as a good banjo. Well, except for [MENTION=22214]banjo[/MENTION]

Point of order, the banjo in question is a type of shovel.
We all know there are cracking shovels.......have you not seen the documentary Ripping Yarns?

 

[smeariestbat]

Edit: read post before commenting

 

[Bodian]

Three isn't too bad for one thing. Do you have any others in Sweden that you can translate for us?

You've missed a crucial word out of the banjo one - and it's crucial because banjo in this phrase (so I've been led to believe) refers to a round shovel or spade (shaped like a banjo). Not many farmers are going to encouraging their cows to move with a musical instrument!

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

It isn't something that triggers gleeful allegory, to be fair. Few want to mock players in their own team*, and there is an element of tempting fate when considering Benteke.

Edit: was 'Barn Door Billy' coined during the loan spell or after he was returned to sender?

 

[Guinness Boy]

It isn't something that triggers gleeful allegory, to be fair. Few want to mock players in their own team*, and there is an element of tempting fate when considering Benteke.

Edit: was 'Barn Door Billy' coined during the loan spell or after he was returned to sender?

Before, during and after I believe. There was a cracking Twitter parody of him at the time as well.

 

[AmexRuislip]

Get paid £**,000 a week to put a round leather object into a netted metal frame

 

[Perkino]

"You couldn't score in a brothel"

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

Before, during and after I believe. There was a cracking Twitter parody of him at the time as well.

And this is apparently real...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LNlhbPBowMI

 

[rippleman]

Don't we hit the cows arse with a banjo anyway?

 

[jonny.rainbow]

Couldn’t finish a swede.

 

[Me and my Monkey]

I thought it was “can’t hit a barn door with a cow’s arse”?

 

[Icy Gull]

Don't we hit the cows arse with a banjo anyway?

Yeah, even our strikers can hit a cow side on with a banjo

 

[Guinness Boy]

Couldn’t finish a swede.

During one particularly frustrating game (not Man U) I do remember posting on a whatsapp group "****ing Trossard couldn't finish a boiled egg".

I was a tad annoyed.

 

[Weststander]

Doing a Mackail.

 

[Baldseagull]

Couldn't shoot in a condom, score in a brothel, could throw his hat on the floor and miss