[Technology] ai Writing??

[BadFish]

As some of you know I have been battling with writing a story, I published chapters on here for a while as it is set in Brighton.

I find the process of writing time-consuming and frustrating for the most part, but have now completed about 20 chapters.

Here it is if anyone is interested: https://www.abctales.com/collection/alien-murmuration-1st-person#bottom-anchor .

Anyway, I have been messing about with AI - Chat GPT and find the process of asking AI to write and rewrite much more palatable.

So two questions:

1. where does ai stand with copywriting, cheating etc?

2. Next question, which is better (first chapter)

a. Original

I see that sign again; it seems like every time I get on this bus I see it. Is it on every bus or do we use this bus most days? I am not sure why I am noticing this sign all the time. If I face facts I don’t have much else to do. Watching the world because I can’t find any part in it. The bus journey is long and boring, my fellow travellers spend their time chattering, screaming and hooting. All this combines to a smooth combination of white noise. I can’t put my finger on it or connect to it and I can’t take it in or separate its parts. When I get off the bus, I always feel like I do when I get out of the swimming pool.

I have been at this school for nearly a year now and I honestly don’t think anyone has noticed. Anonymity is an interesting thing, painful when you are trapped inside looking out but worse when you are dragged out of it. Mum and dad chose this school because apparently it is the best one around. Add to this the fact that some lads at my old school were making my life miserable. So here I am outside of the school stream that was hell on earth and into another camouflaged by my own anonymity. I suppose this is better? At least I am not constantly looking for places to hide or losing my shit at the front gate and setting up another day of mocking mimicry and hooting laughter. Not just from the kids but some parents as well.

No more bruises and scratches to explain away as self-inflicted when only a few of them really are. Being mostly invisible is mostly better that being a target.

I stare at the sign again.

“Make Love Not War,

Ask the Driver For Details”​

Maybe the driver is part of some kind of group? Or distributes leaflets for them. He must share my deep-founded thoughts about the ugly futility of war. I can’t see any other reason for having that sign on the bus. Most days I chicken out of asking the driver but today is the day I am going to be brave. Maybe today is the day that things change for me. Today is the day I am going to be brave, I am going to be someone else. I am going to reach out to a kindred spirit. Find some people that think the same as me. I feel confident that this will be okay. The driver is an adult, I like adults. I know where I am with adults. They don’t do stuff just to be mean.

My stop is coming up and I am going to do it!

“I would like the details of the futility of war” I say as bravely as I can while pointed at the sign.

“Do what kid?” He replies gruffly. It becomes incredibly apparent that I am standing in front of the whole bus. The silence engulfs me like I am standing in a bubble.

I find my voice again, shaking but louder and clearer so he can understand me “I would like the details on your ideas about the futility of war”. As I repeat my line, I can feel the blood rushing to the skin all over my body. I feel like I am being sucked into an invisible vortex. I half turn slowly and see so many mocking eyes on me.

“Yeah, very funny kid” the diver looks at me strangely “now piss off my bus.”

I am not invisible anymore. Everyone knows who I am.

ai -

Chapter 1: "Meeting Allen" (Revised for a 10-Year-Old with Autism)
I get on the bus, and there's that sign again. It shows up a lot when I ride this bus. I wonder if it's on every bus or just this one. I'm not sure why I keep seeing it. I don't have much to do on the bus except look at things. It's like a puzzle, but I don't have all the pieces. When I get off the bus, it feels like when I leave the pool.
I've been at this new school for almost a year. My mom and dad picked it because they said it's better, and the kids at my old school weren't nice to me. But here, it's like I'm invisible. It's not like when I used to hide or when the kids made fun of me.
I see the sign again, "Make Love Not War, Ask the Driver For Details." I think maybe the bus driver knows something about why war is bad. But I'm usually too scared to ask. Today, though, I want to be brave. I want to find someone who thinks like me. Grown-ups are okay because they're not mean on purpose.
My stop is getting closer, and I point at the sign and say, "Can you tell me about why war is a bad thing?"
The driver looks at me funny and asks, "Tell you what, kid?" I see everyone on the bus looking at me.
I take a deep breath, my voice a little shaky but strong, and I say, "Can you tell me why war is not good?" My face feels warm, and I feel like I'm getting pulled into something.
The driver just says, "Haha, very funny, kid. Now, get off the bus."
Now, I'm not invisible anymore. Everyone knows who I am.

 

[Petunia]

I haven’t read any of the other chapters but, by far, the best version above is the original.
Sorry if that’s not the answer you were hoping for!
I don’t know the answer to Q.1
Good luck with the rest of the book

 

[Justice]

I want to know more after reading the AI version. The original has a few mistakes and slightly over written in places. Piss off my bus doesn’t fit with a school bus driver and would a kid really say the futility of war? There are some good lines in the original and maybe you could have a mix of the two.
Just my opinion.

 

[BadFish]

Thanks to you both that is great feedback. A mix of both is a good idea.

 

[sussex_guy2k2]

So I do a fair bit of copy writing at work and use AI on/off for that, plus I read a ton, so my feedback is based on that.

The original is better but there are flaws. 1) the ending is too abrupt, and the language used by the driver seems too gruff and out of place. 2) this bit (and there’s other bits like this) “but today is the day I am going to be brave” would be improved simply by changing “I am” to “I’m”. It’s tiny, but you’re trying to write like you’re this person. “I am” is too formal and it takes you out of the story. There’s 3 or 4 other places where abbreviating would help the flow.

The other bit of feedback is to try and find more natural paragraph breaks. People get overwhelmed by big lumps of text - keep your paragraphs shorter, where possible.

With the AI version, what this is doing is bringing the reading level down and making the story telling simpler. In terms of copy writing, this is the way things are going. Short, simple sentences. But it depends on who your audience is going to be?

If you’re writing just for yourself, then AI probably isn’t going to help. If you’re writing for a younger age group then it may do. If you’re writing to create the best story you can, then use it, by all means, as it may help you declutter your thoughts.

But I certainly wouldn’t rely on it as you’re a good writer and over using AI could lead to the story losing some of you, and could lead to you having too much of a mix of both writing styles, which will further take the reader out of the story.

 

[Midget]

Imho I far prefer the original. The second version lacks colour to me.

The second is like someone telling a story about something that happened to them. The first is more like a character remembering something that happened to them. The first speaks to me more and makes me, as a reader, start to empathise with the main character and want to know what happens next. The second doesn't do it for me, really.

Don't worry about flaws or tightening it up, that will come with re-writes, edits, editors' inputs etc. Complete your first full draft first, then revisit the first chapter with the full character and ending in your mind. You might be surprised at how much the character and style has changed as you write, and how much you then change the first chapter as a result.

Also I think not using contractions (e.g. I'm) suits this particular character's voice better. Just my opinion but the thing is he does stick out from the other kids. But I agree most bus drivers probably wouldn't tell a 10-year-old to piss off in those words, so I'd ditch that (unless you are also trying to build the bus driver into a central character and it speaks to that).

I don't know where the law stands on using AI to write. But I was at a crime writers' forum last weekend and AI was discussed a lot. Most of the writers said they used it for research or maybe suggestions, but not to actually do the writing. Why would you do the boring stuff like plot and background yourself, and hand the creative part of your craft to the robots?

Ai can be a tool to throw up ideas and maybe make you consider a scene in another way, which might take you in a new direction. That's part of the fun of writing. But don't use it as a crutch - have confidence in your own writing, it's good enough without it. What I want, as a reader, is to hear a unique and interesting voice!

Incidentally, why do you write if you don't enjoy it? Just curious...

Hope my ramblings help in some way. And thanks for posting the link, I'm keen to read on!

 

[Silverhatch]

Show don’t tell. Edit edit edit. Less is so much more. Then edit again.

 

[Bodian]

The gap / pause, followed by "I stare at the sign again" is what makes the first half of the original piece work.

Totally missing in the ai version, which loses all rhythm and emphasis.

 

[BadFish]

Thank you all for this feedback, all very useful and I will stop being so lazy and write it myself

To answer @Midget 's question, I do enjoy writing but the editing, rewriting etc gets me down a little. I have also only ever written in fits and starts which I find frustrating as it takes me a long time to get anywhere, and that is before the editing and rewrites.

I will take on board the advice about the bus driver, but this is written as I remember it (yes, I did this !). Although I concede that my memory could well be wrong as it was weeks ago

 

[Giraffe]

I've dabbled with a bit of writing over the years and frankly I'd feel I was cheating if I used AI. Maybe as an exercise to consider other things, but certainly not to actually write the book. I write for pleasure for myself and therefore using AI just wouldn't tick the box. It must be a big worry for upcoming writers, journalists and scriptwriters.

 

[Perfidious Albion]

Your original is better. The AI one has too many short simple sentences, and the American “ Mom” instead of Mum. Yours is better worded. Stick with it.

 

[Cheshire Cat]

I don't like either but the AI version reads as if it's been written by three year old.

 

[Gwylan]

AI is a complete pain. I'm a professional writer, worked mainly as a journalist but have concentrated more on copywriting lately. My revenue has dropped considerably in the last couple of years as clients have found that Chat GPT and its competitors will supply words to order. They may not read so well but AI is considerably cheaper than a human writer.

I'm too old to retrain for something else so I just have to keep plodding on. I still have journalism work (which won't use AI) but it pays a lot less and there are fewer publications. This is just a taste of the effect of AI: a lot of professionals are going to suffer a similar fate in years to come.