A joke to lighten the mood!

[The Buttery Biscuit Base]

A flea walks into a travel agents, and asks the fella behind the desk.
"I've been working very hard this year and I want to book a holiday"
The travel agent replies.
"Sure, we've got a great one that I can book for you, it's seven days on Ringo Starr's hair. He's in Nice so should plenty of Sun, beach and good food"

Four days later the flea comes back to the travel agent.
"It was rubbish, he's a drummer, it was loud and he spent all day sleeping and only went out at night"
"Well, Omar Sharif is in Monte Carlo, I'll book you in for seven days on his moustache. There should be plenty of fresh air, sun and beautiful women"

Again the flea returns after four days.
"Omar Sharif plays bridge all day and never left the casino, I didn't see the sun once"
"Ok" replied the travel agent "I've got a special for you. Bridget Bardot is in St Tropez, shall I book you in for a week on her Muff?"
"That sounds amazing" said the flea.

Four days later the flea once again walked into the travel agent
"Whats wrong? Did you not like Bridget Bardot?" asked the travel agent.
"No she was wonerful, she spent all day lounging in the sun, waited on hand and foot, eating wonderful food, meeting beautiful people"
"What's wrong why are you back here early?"

"Well, it's strange, after three days I ended up back on Omar Sharif's Moustache!"

 

[Art Vs Science]

 

[the wanderbus]

I was looking at palace's 2012 calender today, to be honest it's a bit too explicit for my liking....there's a cvnt on every page

 

[Acker79]

[yt]RCBn5J83Poc[/yt]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RCBn5J83Poc

 

[GoldWithFalmer]

Roses are red,
Violets blue,
i am schizophrenic

& so am i.

 

[8ace]

At an England training session, John Terry gets the ball & dribbles round Ashley Cole, Wellbeck, Ashley Young, Ferdinand & Richards.
Fabio Capello shakes his
head and shouts: "CONES" John. I said go round the f***ing "CONES"

 

[GoldWithFalmer]

At an England training session, John Terry gets the ball & dribbles round Ashley Cole, Wellbeck, Ashley Young, Ferdinand & Richards.
Fabio Capello shakes his
head and shouts: "CONES" John. I said go round the f***ing "CONES"

Should it? i am not sure,but a mild ripple of laughter over here.......ok i am sorry.

 

[cmonbarrybringonwoody!]

when the missus left, i was sad upset and lonely. Since then i've got a dog, bought a new bike, shagged two women and blown a grand on hard drink and cocaine. She'll go f***ing mental when she gets home from work....

 

[Seagull on the wing]

Who is devilishly handsome,muscular,lovely personality,got a huge dick.......and why have I?

 

[JamesAndTheGiantHead]

Still the best joke of all time, in case anyone hasn't heard it.

 

[Questions]

Still the best joke of all time, in case anyone hasn't heard it.

I listen to his joke at least once a week.

 

[redneb]

 

[Norman Potting]

I listen to his joke at least once a week.

A comedy classic.

 

[Gwm]

Due to the eviction at Dale Farm the travellers have been offered an alternative site at SELHURST PARK.........

Furious at the thought of dirty, thieving, in-bred, semi literate animals living right on their doorstep, the travellers have turned it down.

 

[Colossal Squid]

A flea walks into a travel agents, and asks the fella behind the desk.
"I've been working very hard this year and I want to book a holiday"
The travel agent replies.
"Sure, we've got a great one that I can book for you, it's seven days on Ringo Starr's hair. He's in Nice so should plenty of Sun, beach and good food"

Four days later the flea comes back to the travel agent.
"It was rubbish, he's a drummer, it was loud and he spent all day sleeping and only went out at night"
"Well, Omar Sharif is in Monte Carlo, I'll book you in for seven days on his moustache. There should be plenty of fresh air, sun and beautiful women"

Again the flea returns after four days.
"Omar Sharif plays bridge all day and never left the casino, I didn't see the sun once"
"Ok" replied the travel agent "I've got a special for you. Bridget Bardot is in St Tropez, shall I book you in for a week on her Muff?"
"That sounds amazing" said the flea.

Four days later the flea once again walked into the travel agent
"Whats wrong? Did you not like Bridget Bardot?" asked the travel agent.
"No she was wonerful, she spent all day lounging in the sun, waited on hand and foot, eating wonderful food, meeting beautiful people"
"What's wrong why are you back here early?"

"Well, it's strange, after three days I ended up back on Omar Sharif's Moustache!"

Yes I watched Old Jews Telling Jokes on BBC Four on Wednesday too

 

[DumLum]

I thought the official funniest joke in the world ever was about a hedge-hog so I googled it. Turns out it was just the funniest joke at the Edinburgh fringe 2009.

The top ten from then were quite good.

The Top 10 jokes were judged to be:

• 1) Dan Antopolski - "Hedgehogs - why can't they just share the hedge?"

• 2) Paddy Lennox - "I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: 'This could be interesting'."

• 3) Sarah Millican - "I had my boobs measured and bought a new bra. Now I call them Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes because they're up where they belong."

• 4) Zoe Lyons - "I went on a girls' night out recently. The invitation said 'dress to kill'. I went as Rose West."

• 5) Jack Whitehall - "I'm sure wherever my dad is; he's looking down on us. He's not dead, just very condescending."

• 6) Adam Hills - "Going to Starbucks for coffee is like going to prison for sex. You know you're going to get it, but it's going to be rough."

• 7) Marcus Brigstocke - "To the people who've got iPhones: you just bought one, you didn't invent it!"

• 8) Rhod Gilbert - "A spa hotel? It's like a normal hotel, only in reception there's a picture of a pebble."

• 9) Dan Antopolski - "I've been reading the news about there being a civil war in Madagascar. Well, I've seen it six times and there isn't."

• 10) Simon Brodkin (as Lee Nelson) - "I started so many fights at my school - I had that attention-deficit disorder. So I didn't finish a lot of them."

BBC NEWS | UK | Scotland | Edinburgh, East and Fife | Hedgehog joke wins comedy prize

 

[super-seagulls]

At an England training session, John Terry gets the ball & dribbles round Ashley Cole, Wellbeck, Ashley Young, Ferdinand & Richards.
Fabio Capello shakes his
head and shouts: "CONES" John. I said go round the f***ing "CONES"

John Terry can dribble?

 

[super-seagulls]

when the missus left, i was sad upset and lonely. Since then i've got a dog, bought a new bike, shagged two women and blown a grand on hard drink and cocaine. She'll go f***ing mental when she gets home from work....

Hard drink What's that, Ice?

 

[cmonbarrybringonwoody!]

Hard drink What's that, Ice?

no hard drink as in what tough men drink i.e. lager top, shandy that sort of thing, i think? Being a non drinker i wouldnt know...

 

[GoldWithFalmer]

Due to the eviction at Dale Farm the travellers have been offered an alternative site at SELHURST PARK.........

Furious at the thought of dirty, thieving, in-bred, semi literate animals living right on their doorstep, the travellers have turned it down.